My Dog Has Low Self Esteem

Plueeeeeaaasssssseeee…

I‘ve always been suspicious that the people on the Nobel prize committees had cornered the market on Crack Cocaine and were personally in charge of disposing of as much of it as was possible at their meetings each year.

When they gave Yasser Arafat and Jimmy Carter Peace Prizes I thought that we had seen everything.

I was wrong.

Now they’ve voted to give the guy that invented “fake dog testicles” the Nobel Prize for Medicine.

You heard me right, and I’m NOT smoking Crack…

BOSTON - Gregg Miller mortgaged his home and maxed out his credit cards to mass produce his invention — prosthetic testicles for neutered dogs.

What started 10 years ago with an experiment on an unwitting Rottweiler named Max has turned into a thriving mail-order business. And on Thursday night Miller's efforts earned him a dubious yet strangely coveted honor: the Ig Nobel Prize for medicine.

"Considering my parents thought I was an idiot when I was a kid, this is a great honor," he said. "I wish they were alive to see it."

The Ig Nobels, given at Harvard University by Annals of Improbable Research magazine, celebrate the humorous, creative and odd side of science.

Ah hah…It’s the “Ig Nobels” prize, not the Nobel prize.

THANK GOD I WAS WRONG.

But then again, there really is a company making fake doggie balls. It’s called a Neuticle.

I’ll take a pair of the five and three quarter inchers myself…

But I digress.

They really are issuing Nobel Prizes today, and they just gave General Mohamed ElBaradei and the International Atomic Energy Agency this year's Nobel Peace Price.

How appropriate...

You do remember Generalissimo ElBaradei, don’t you?

He’s the guy that went to the NY Times the month before the election in 2004 and claimed that the US had “lost” a bunch of nuclear material in Iraq. The media acted like President Bush went to Iraq and personally cut the locks off of the buildings.

And you remember all of the nuclear material that Iraq was said to not have in support of the nuclear weapons program that Saddam didn’t possess?

Saddam didn't have WMD's...Remember?

So what was the "nuclear material" for? Medical research?

It turned out that the UN and the IAEA dropped the ball and let the Iraqis and various “looters” (I call them terrorists) run off with some of the material before the US entered Iraq in 2003. All of the material that was still there when the US forces arrived they secured. A total non-story...

ElBaradei turned out to be a partisan liar--else he was just a simple idiot.

And finally, you remember the International Atomic Energy Agency?

The IAEA is the group of Socialist Scientists and Terrorist wanna-be’s that have been busy having endless useless meetings and have conviently set on their hands while Iraq and North Korea and Iran have fearlessly developed their nuclear weapons programs.

I think that IAEA secretly desires to “level the playing field” by allowing every country on the planet including Bermuda and Jamaica to have ICBM’s pointed at us here on St. Simons.

Some contributors to peace ElBaradi and the IAEA have turned out to be.

Let’s take up a collection and buy them all some Neuticles so they can have the self esteem to prosecute their real job—preventing the spread of nuclear weapons.

You're not interested?

Yeah, I thought so…