Lazy Blogging

I'll Admit I'm Useless Just In Case You Didn't Notice...





Thanks Rodg

L'il Liberals

They're Cuter...But Just As Dangerous

Southern Snow

Missed Us Again...


So I'm sitting here watching as my Mom's getting 3" to a foot of snow today in LOWER ALABAMA within 110 miles of the Gulf Coast of Florida.

A giant swath of land between there and Atlanta...extending all the way to our little Island on the Georgia Coast to Savannah and Charleston are getting weather they only see every ten or fifteen years, and yet...

I've spent the last month and one half freaking out because I don't have a fireplace in my house and although I have a small electrical generator still in the box...left over from living in the occasional paths of summertime hurricanes, I have nothing to make heat with here but a blow dryer and a heating pad if we finally get the two degrees and 100 mile shift in the moisture and cold air needed to really dump some winter weather on top of our heads and onto our electrical power lines.

All of that said, I'm pleased to report that I just returned home from Home Depot with a lovely kerosene fired heater and a Five Gallon Kerosene container...both of which are now resting happily on top of my unused Electrical Generator in the Basement.

I also received my Chocolate flavoring and coloring oils a day early, so when I'm not banging around on pneumatic valves in the basement or entertaining company I might just throw together another batch of Truffles just for fun with Valentines Day approaching.

Hope every body's warm and safe and enjoying the winter weather if they can, I'm having a L A R G E time all day every day if you haven't noticed...

"Laissez Les Bons Temps Rouler"

"Let The Good Times Roll..."


I knew something was bothering me this week. I could feel it in my bones...I was forgetting something that used to be important to me in another life.

This morning I realized what it was...the annual Mardi Gras celebrations are in full swing down in New Orleans and Mobile and Pensacola.

Further, this coming Tuesday is "Fat Tuesday," the last day before the beginning of Lent on Ash Wednesday.

This week marks the 32nd anniversary of my first attendance of the Mardi Gras festivities in the Big Easy in 1978 with the Georgia Tech NROTC band.

I was back again in 1986 and 1987, and again in 1996 or 1997 (the exact year escapes me), but today with the effects of sanity/insanity and age/maturity/immaturity I've elected to leave the raucous antics to the college kids and heartier older adults in the population.

I think that everybody should have the opportunity to experience Mardi Gras once in New Orleans...Beignets and Chicory Coffee at Cafe du Monde and Breakfast at Brennans and dinner at Commander's Palace, but a little bit goes a looooonnnggg way and it's expensive and the crowds these days are nerve wracking and I expect I've probably seen my last sunrise on Dauphine or Royal or Bourbon Street.

Meanwhile, my Forensic Engineering Business partner's coming to town for the weekend, so I guess that it's time to go read the paper and take a nap I guess...

I Wish I Could Play The Horn Like This

She Looks Like She's About Twelve...






Dang fine tone and vibrato on what looks like a "student" model trumpet.

Years ago a couple of my fellow trumpet players and I used to go out and play taps for the Veterans at the VFW and American Legion when they did a flag ceremony on Memorial Day and Veterans Day while we were in High School.

We never sounded like that at age sixteen or seventeen.

That little Girl's performance proves either you got it or you don't I guess...

Thanks for the link Rodg

The Cat's Out Of The Bag

Capitolism Wins Every Time...




This idea has been about three years in the making. Two part time jobs doing things I love is better than the option(s).

These sample portions may yield commercial success...wish me luck.

My Forty Cent Slice Ball Of Heaven

Shipping And Handling Extra...


I'm sitting here waiting for my Ganache to set up in the Fridge so I can move further into the production mode, and like any good injuneer/businessman it occurred to me to do a cost analysis of the process to see where the production budget was going.

Guess what?

I can make a Truffle that's almost as pretty and tastes every bit as good as something from Godiva for...

About $0.40. If you add in the packaging (box and little ruffled cup) the price rises up to about $0.55 each.

The professionals get about $2.15 each as far as I can tell.

Maybe I should quit my new day job and get off my ass, don my Chef's attire, and get into this stuff full time.

I like the mark-up/profit margin...You Know?

Everyone Loves Avatar...

More Original Photoshop Fun...


This just in from this Yahoo News Story:

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad tours an exhibition on laser technology in Tehran on February 7, 2010 takes in a 3-D I-Max screening of Avatar at Disney World....




I'm getting pretty good at thinking of something funny and knocking it out in five minutes rather than taking an hour, Eh?

New Drug Shipment Chocolate Purchase

I'm Injuneering Myself A Diabetic Coma...


I have another day off today because I couldn't get my new valve rebuild parts delivered until this afternoon, so we wandered by Fresh Market on the way to happy hour yesterday looking for more Truffle making materials.

Sure enough they had gotten in a new shipment of Ghirardelli Semi-sweet Chocolate bars. I'd cleaned them out last weekend and was tempted to do the same again, but I left behind three bars for some other junkie chocolate loving customer after putting this in my shopping cart...



That would be 2-1/4 pounds of semi sweet for Truffle cores and 1/2 pound of white chocolate for covering some of the finished products.

I've pretty much got the process down...16 gram balls for things covered with coco powder or other thin stuff and 14 gram balls for the ones covered with a crisp chocolate skin or crushed nuts like toasted almonds and hazelnuts.

I'm going to set everything up again around lunch time and try to knock out another three or four dozen of three or four flavors in a short time frame...the final details of which are as yet to be determined.

I ordered a bunch of chocolate flavoring and coloring oils on-line but they won't be here until Monday so this batch will just be chocolate and raspberry and orange/Grand Mariner I guess. The coloring oil will allow me to pipe little lines and decorations onto the outside of the hard chocolate shells in the future like Godiva does.

I'm definitely obsessed with the process...somebody save me or distract me or something before I gain another 100 pounds...

Afternoon Comics

Even The Funny Papers Deny Global Warming...


Go to this Web Page and you can add your own text to a Batman and Robin comic panel.

Here's mine:





Heh...

Sugar Buzz Hangover

I'm Vibrating...


DaaannnnnnNNNNNNggggggGGGGGG

I'm afraid that I've consumed so much sugar and chocolate over the past couple of days that right now if you look at me all you'll see is a fuzzy blurr.

Like something off of Star Wars or a Star Trek movie...

When I look in the mirror I can't see myself clear enough to shave safely...and brushing my teeth is easy because I just hold the toothbrush in my mouth and my head shakes side to side and back and forth and toothpaste lather comes out my ears and nostrils the motion is so vigorous.

For safety reasons OSHA has informed me that I have to shut down the Truffle production operation until I can establish some procedures and written guidelines to protect myself and anyone that comes in contact with me while loaded with little boxes containing orbs of chocolate.

Last evening I assaulted our Barmaid friend Katie and the balance of the women in the bar at another one of our local favorites, The Parkside Grill, with the harvest of yesterday's Truffle making efforts and then ran away to cook my soon to be famous Horseradish crusted pork tenderloin for dinner.

I love it when I can Google "horseradish crusted pork tenderloin" and my recipe on my cooking Blog, The Redneck Gourmet, comes up NUMBER FOUR on page one of the search results.

Any way, I'm taking a day off from "Truffleing" to do some other business stuff and fool around in the shop with a balsa model airplane kit I've been working on, then if the local Whole Foods store will get another shipment of Semi Sweet Dark Ghirardelli Chocolate in (they ran out last weekend) I'll be back in business on Friday for my Grand Finale.

Time to read the paper, do the crossword, and take a nap I think...

Success!!!

I Am The Master Of The Universe King Of The Truffle...



Well, I finally forced myself to go back into the kitchen and open up the refrigerator and drag the Truffle guts I made yesterday out and try to do something with them.

The second batch, made with a combination of some really expensive raw chocolate (I forget the brand) and some unidentified grocery store crappy chunk stuff we had laying around, had set up rock hard yesterday when I put it in the fridge.

So I set everything out on the counter to come up to room temperature and after a couple of hours I discovered that the hard stuff was quite workable by hand, so I cut the 20 gram lumps down to 16 grams each and then made everything up in 16 gram balls and went to town rolling and covering and dipping.

Things went much better because I had been through the process already (I gave away all of yesterday's efforts to the waitresses and to the wives of some friends at one of our local watering holes), and after only about an hour of fooling around here's what I had in return for my efforts...



Being anal retentive a perfectionist at heart, I couldn't just settle for handing out exotic candy in a zip lock baggie or tin foil, so last year I bought a couple hundred little truffle boxes and here's a look at the packaging process.



And here's today's efforts all boxed up and ready to be delivered to my next set of victims...



BTW the KEY to making Truffles is temperature, Temperature, TEMPERATURE.

Temperature of EVERYTHING...the air, your pots, your pans, and most importantly your HANDS while handling them makes a HUGE difference in the outcome.

After today's effort I have a new little spring in my step because I think that with a little more practice I'll never buy a Truffle again.

Get to work guys and you can do it too on Valentines Day...(make Truffles, that is...and whatever else is up to you and your imagination...)

Mid Winter Hallucinations Fantasies

I Want To Build A Houseboat...



I'm sitting around here this morning afraid to go back into my kitchen because I have a load of Grenache lurking in the Fridge and on the counter top taunting me to try to roll it into little 16 gram balls and cover it with something without getting it in my hair (ok..on my scalp since most of my hair has fallen out.)

Then I started looking around for something new to draw and design and generally distract myself from reality, and a couple of things came to mind.

In the past year I've built a deck on my house (ok...half a Deck, but still...)

I've built a shop in the basement.

Building an airplane is out since the FAA grounded me for medical reasons about 15 years ago, but now, after being "Boatless" for going on eight years, and living near the Mighty Tennessee River, it occurs to me of my need and desire and practical possibility of owning another boat.

Not just any boat mind you...A...

H O U S E B O A T.

Something like this would be nice, but with newer lumber and a little bigger living space...




The guy said he'd make me a good deal, but I hate using someone else's used bed and bathroom, and I think that I want a little more horsepower and a generator.

Time to do some more googling...

Feeding Time...

I'm Afraid To Wonder What The Litter Box Looks Like?

Global Warming Pounding DC Politicians

Owl Gore Peeing His Pants...


I'm not sorry, but I'm afraid that it's easy for me to sit here in the relative warmth of Knoxtown this morning and want to laugh at the Federal Government morons having to "shut down" operations yesterday because they couldn't get out of their driveways.

And in the case of Nasty Pelosi and some of the other elitist political class snobs, I guess that their limo's probably couldn't come pick them up Monday morning so they stayed home, which in retrospect was a good thing because by shutting the government down they couldn't VOTE to come to my house and steal some more of my money to spend on their feckless, obtuse, inane "stimulus programs.".

I wonder if Pelosi even made it back to town on her hijacked Air Force jet from the Left Coast San Francisco, because Reagan National and Andrews AFB were both pushing mountains of snow around after the weekend's storm and air traffic was limited as a result.

Of course if she did it was because "Madam Speaker" went to the head of the air traffic control line as the little common taxpayers people stranded since Friday awaited the availability of an airliner and a departure gate three days later.

Looking at the Weather Channel, there's another "winter event" barrelling down on the Eastern seaboard for today and tomorrow, and yet another one coming in on Friday which has a good chance of delivering more frozen precipitation here to the Turbo Pup Compound on the banks of the Mighty Tennessee River.

Any rational person that's older than about forty years of age knows that, in spite of the media hysteria, what is happening this winter is a gradual return to historical "NORMAL" winter weather patterns which we had up until the early 1980's in the eastern US.

Just like the spike in Hurricane activity in the 1990's after a relatively quiet period in the 1970's and 1980's, people--particularly politicians and the "lamestream media" idiots--have a short memory and further, love to take anything which is a little different from last week or last month or last year and turn it into a news story or an opportunity to pass a new law and steal a little bit more of our constitutional, God given freedoms.

And weird crap you'd never expect to happen suddenly becomes material news headlines are made of...

stuff like that Cities and Counties all over the country are running out of money and equipment for snow removal because, during the relative warm winters over the past couple of decades, they've stolen the money and spent it on "social programs" and on raises for bureaucrats while their heavy equipment aged and wasn't replaced with new machinery.

Even here in Knoxville they've basically already spent the entire season's budget on winter road clearing and treatment, and their fleet of trucks is old and reduced in capacity because they didn't buy new trucks with plows and sand spreaders when things warmed up.

See...that's what politicians do...they THROW MONEY at things that are popular, or things that are on fire, or things that are festering and bleeding, or the groups of people that scream the loudest.

Meanwhile people like me are too busy making plans and putting personal emergency and contingency plans in place...and more importantly...working to make Money to pay my OWN WAY...rather than spending a disproportionate amount of my income "keeping up with the Jones' "--buying houses and cars and taking vacations I can't afford, walking around wearing $100 tennis shoes, and buying giant HD TV's while at the same time ignoring the gathering storm clouds on the horizon.

Unfortunately for me and my peers, the gathering clouds today are not made by Mother Nature.

The clouds I see are man-made...the shadows of an ever growing Government, in all its forms--dark and ominous and energized by millions of ignorant, security seeking, nanny-state voters.

Instead of snowing me in, or flooding me out, I'm fearful of the impact this man-made storm and their mandates and programs and stimulus packages are going to have on my wallet and long term net worth.

Regardless of the outcome, I still take a great deal of enjoyment in the effects this cold winter has had on Owl Gore and his bands of tie died, Kumbaya singing, patchouli stinking, tree hugging, sniveling, booger eating, bed wetting, man-made Global Warming Zombies.

The silence is deafening...don't you think?

I'm Making A Ganache?

Somebody Pass Me My Double Boiler...


So this weekend I was stumbling through the Godiva Chocolatier website looking at all of the fancy boxes of stuff they want to sell me in anticipation of St. Valentines Day.

I've been getting at least one e-mail per day from them and Proflowers and FTD for the past six weeks.

Any way, looking at my schedule this week I have to wait on rebuild kits for the new valve order so I have a couple of days to fool around with the "Jamaican Me Cajun Green Butt Chili Shack" design, and I figure that since Pat had perfected the recipe for home made truffles over the past couple of years that it was time for me to show her how to do it better to use all of the tools we have special purchased to handle chocolate in our kitchen.

I even bought one hundred fancy foil covered boxes last year sized to hold two truffles each in their little paper cups.

Getting back to my title, a "Ganache" is the French term for what you get by combining boiling heavy cream and melted chocolate.

Depending on the proportions you can get something which can be used to ice a cake, or by making a thicker mixture you get that rich, soft stuff you find inside Truffles and other candies.

The thing about making your own truffles is that you have to have cool temperatures and low humidity or they won't set up properly. Winter in Knoxtown must be good for something, and truffle making is one of those things.

So any way, I'm thinking about making four kinds of Truffles this week...plain chocolate with a powdered coco dusting on the outside, a chocolate raspberry flavored truffle with a hard dark chocolate coating, a chocolate amaretto truffle with toasted almond crumbles on the outside, and probably an orange liqueur flavored chocolate truffle with a hard white chocolate coating.

Each has to be processed in individual batches because you have a limited working time and don't have time to be fooling around adding stuff while things are cooling off and setting up.

On that note, I guess that it's time to finish some paperwork and go dirty up the kitchen I guess...

photos to follow...

MORE:...2:00 PM

I've discovered the secret of the PERFECT Truffle!!!

Ready?

Go into your Kitchen.

Get out your credit card.

Dial the 1-800 Godiva phone number (or go on-line)

Place your order.

The other way is to melt about twenty dollars worth of fancy chocolate in a bowl, dump scalding cream over it, stand around outside the refrigerator for an hour and one half, then utter these sounds before you begin...

"Ah hu eeh haah aaahh hhuuu eeh hoo eeh hoo aaaaahhhhhhhhhhHHHHH."

(you're going to end up screaming something and at least that phrase is rated PG...)

You see, everything goes well until you start scooping out your cold set Ganache from your refrigerated bowl...then the process degenerates up there in complexity with things like solving Differential Equations and herding cats.

Seriously, as far as I can tell it's nigh onto an impossible task getting the stuff out on a sheet of waxed paper in uniform sized balls that don't melt and stick to your hands and the the inside of closed cabinet doors and your eyelids and every other surface within a 6 foot perimeter.

I've got to go back now and mop the ceiling and try to wrestle this stuff into some sort of presentable form.

Wish me luck

Your Sunday Morning Bluegrass Music

...From The "Darlin's"...and Ernest T. Bass...




(Real fans of the Andy Griffith show know that "the Darlin' Boys" were really a bluegrass band from Missouri called The Dillards.)

MORE:

And then I just found this classic:




eeeaaaannnnddddd...You're Welcome...Have a LOVELY Day Now

Saturday Morning Chuckle

He Must Have Had REALLY Dry Skin...


Long time readers may remember years ago when I used to post wierd news stuff here all the time just to take up space, but more recently I've advanced to posting more original material or pointing out what my Blog Friends and Idols are up to.

That said, I just can't resist reverting back to my former self and showing you this story from MyFoxBoston.com :


Man Arrested Had 75 Bottles of Lotion in His Pants

Police say a Massachusetts man who allegedly stuffed 75 bottles of body lotion in his pants couldn't make a smooth getaway, hampered by slacks that were nearly bursting at the seams.

Springfield police say 30-year-old Chamil Guadarrama of Framingham was charged with larceny after the incident Wednesday night at Bath and Body Works in the Eastfield Mall.

Police say mall security officers chased Guadarrama, but he had stuffed so many of the eight-ounce lotion containers in his pants that he could barely run.

Police say he could not bend over to get in the police cruiser until some of the bottles were removed.

It could not immediately be determined if Guadarrama has an attorney. A telephone number for Guadarrama could not immediately be located Thursday.

Being lazy and distracted this morning, I think that I'll just let that stand there by itself and let you do your own commentary. Everybody give me a 100 word essay on the subject and have it turned in by Monday morning.

Don't Make Me Beat You To Death With My Walker Umbrella

...And Run Over What's Left With My Shopping Cart Full Of Pork


It's going to be miserable again here this weekend, but about 3 to 5 degrees above an actual "winter weather" event according to the current forecast.

Regardless, looking at possibly doing a bunch of extra cooking over the next couple of days including another prototype test batch of my soon to be famous "Jamaican Me Cajun 'Green Butt' Chili," we ventured out early this morning to try to beat the lunchtime crowd on the Pike and at the local Kroger.

The place was basically as quiet as a Tomb, so my spirit rose as I flew through the produce section only tripping over one little guy busy with a giant overloaded cart of boxes of new inventory he was stocking on the shelves and display cases.

Then I hit somewhere...it was either row two or row three, and there was this young guy, dressed in all Black like a Johnny Cash Impersonator or something, standing at the far end of the isle "conversing" on his cell phone.

By "conversing" I mean he was having an animated conversation, and in between whatever disagreement he was having with the "she" or "he" he was talking to he was going through the motions of acting like he was shopping, except he didn't have a basket in his hands and there was no shopping cart within 25 yards of the idiot my lovely fellow grocery patron.

Problem was, apparently his eyes and ears weren't working he was so engrossed in the cell phone tempest, because if I had to say "excuse me" once to the SOB I said it TEN TIMES within five minutes over the geographical space of six grocery isles.

He was just standing there in a trance blithering and looking somewhere close to exactly the opposite way I was coming from.

I finally skipped a whole row around the guy who was going BACKWARDS to the "normal" path that people take in MY store when shopping.

He must have gone down the "tutti fruity" organic granola and soy milk isle (thus probably being a sniveling, booger eating, tree hugging Owl Gore following Progressive bed wetter) that me and every other red blooded, God fearing, American man born before about 1965 SKIPS because we want saturated fats and extra glycerol in our food and think Tofu is something delivered by the Russians to make us too weak to fight back when they finally take over Niagara Falls and move on down into NYC.

So any way, everything came out good in the end and I returned home with about FIFTEEN POUNDS of Boston Butt and Whole Pork Tenderloin.

The Tenderloin will be butchered into giant chops and big end cut roast and dumped into the deep freezer before the end of the day, and the Butt is going into a nice brine to sit overnight before the calculators, scales, micrometers, and clipboards and spreadsheets are activated and I get serious about fine tuning this year's chili cooking process.

The event, St. Simons Island Rotary Red Hot Chili Cook-Off is exactly four weeks away tomorrow, and I have a lot of work to do still in order to standardize the process which has been all over the map the first three tries.

In the mean time, don't let me catch you wandering the isles of a grocery store talking on the cell phone asking "do we have blaa blaa blaa?...do we have any of THAT?"

Here's a hint...

Take a pen or pencil and a piece of paper, and make a LIST...else risk some angry guy with a calculator and an attitude putting shopping cart tire prints on your forehead or down the middle of your back.

O-Tay?

Gripes, Observations, Contemplations, and Re-Runs

I'm Out of My Mind...And Onto My Keyboard...


First thing this morning, I have to ask if anybody but me starts losing their mind when, disgusted with everything else that's showing on the other 99 cable channels, they turn over to Food Network at 1 AM and all they've got is the fifth re-run of the day of the same episode of "Ace Of Cakes"?

Don't get me wrong, I like watching "Ace of Cakes" but once in 24 hours is enough already, you know?

While I'm at it the same applies to Alton Brown's "Good Eats" and "Iron Chef" and most of the rest of their shows....wait a minute...Giada de Larentiis and Rachel Ray are OK the second or third viewing depending on my mood on some days...

Moving along, have you had the chance to start looking at your income taxes this year?

I spent about ten hours on Monday finishing the Corporate taxes, and now I have about twenty in the overall process so far, but let me tell those of you that don't do your own taxes that some of the things that they make you do to file a 1040 long form with anything but a single W-2 and the standard deductions will make your hair fall out.

You'll want to pull what's left out before you get through schedule C and D and E and the Capitol Gains Schedule.

By the way, did anyone but me know that if you have a long term capitol gain in a given year you have to pay capitol gain taxes on the ENTIRE AMOUNT OF THE GAIN, but if you only have a LOSS in a given year you can only deduct the first $3,000 no matter how much your loss was (unless you have a gain to offset it against)?

So until I sell another piece of property and make some money, I have a lovely fun gift basket full of fun little $3,000 capitol losses, forcing me to file the extra capitol gains/loss form for the next seven or eight years before I recover everything.

Bastards....it looks like the IRS spent years and years putting that "gift" together...

And finally, that last comment reminds me of something else.

Since Valentines day is coming up, I just have to comment on that stupid Valentine Bear TV commercial and the Pajamagram commercials where the announcer says to the guys:

"she'll think that you spent [hours & hours...weeks...months...your whole life...(pick one)] putting it together..."

...taking a big breath....

Any guy that actually buys that line, and in the process believes that WOMEN don't watch the same TV commercials that they do, and goes down on February 14th and hands his wife/girlfriend (or wife at dinner and girlfriend at lunch) a package from these people and says...

"it took me a week to put this together...Dear"

deserves to have to make a visit to the local Emergency Room by ambulance and have to explain to the attending physician how the package got to where it was inside his abdominal cavity.

Which reminds me, I wrote an interesting piece on this subject last year. Being lazy and needing to get back to work designing the official "Jamaican Me Cajun 'Green Butt' Chili Shack," I'm going to reprint it here in its entirity for your enjoyment:


Virgil's Valentine Bear Company

If You Can't Join 'Em, Beat 'Em...

Anyone but me tired of watching the antics of the three stripper chicks on the Vermont Teddy Bear commercials?

On the late night version...I swear to God...the bimbo recipient says this line:

"...it's so much bigger than I thought...(other girls squealing in the background)...I could just kiss it and kiss it..."

Pluuuueeeeeeaaaassssseeeee...Spare me the innuendo.

UPDATE: I found the long ad in YouTube here:



As an equal opportunity insulter, the guys featured in the ad certainly look like losers that would buy the bears based on the appearance of the girls and the rhetoric delivered in the process of opening a box of goods that virtually everyone in America has heard "will make her think you spent days coming up with..."

No...you saw the ad, googled "Vermont Valentine Bear," gave them your credit card number, and hung up the phone on your way to go buy condoms and cheep wine.

Any way...I checked out the web site and wrote about this same subject tongue and cheek (excuse the pun) a few years ago.

This morning I thought I'd revisit the subject again because looking at the site I see that they're somewhat insensitive and exclusionary in their selection and obvious exploitation of certain societal and racial stereotypes of men this Valentines day.

If I were running my own competing "Virgil's Valentine Bear Company" I'd expect to be forced by government equality mandate to include products based on a WIDE cross section of our ever broadening melting pot society.

Not just white people or black people or construction workers or PHD's like Vermont Bear does.

I've taken a preliminary look this evening in some other places and come up with a few pretty good ideas I think.

As a tribute to the undervalued and oft overlooked American Sanitation Engineer, I'd do something using this guy as the model:

Pretty good...huh. After all, everyone doesn't want a CEO Bear or a Donald Trump Bear because it might hurt an ego or two.

Then, while looking through the Vermont Bear offerings I noticed a lack of "diversity" when it came to products aimed at the LGBT (lesbian, gay, bi-sexual, transgendered) market and I immediately thought of these guys:



That covers a lot of ground in my book, how about you?

And not to leave out the angry lesbian part of the LGBT equation I thought of this lovely woman...


That particular model would definitely have to be fully clothed and offered in a extra heavy, extra large cardboard box so the price would put it in a different category from say...the Skinny Gay "Brokeback Mountain" Cowboy Bear or the "Indian Chief with the vibrating tommahawk Caricature Bear."

And finally, I noticed lots of "blue collar" offerings on the Vermont site, but they were all mostly based on "Caucasian" Americans. How about a Bear based on one of the hard working guys from another land country that supports our glorious American way of life?

Someone like this "Taxi Driver Bear" guy from the middle east?



...or this cuddly little fellow, "Construction Worker Bear on His Day Off" from south of the border?


I know, I know, I know..you're probably all excited about the idea by now, and I'm hard at work in my spare time working on my bear prototypes but I'm afraid my products won't be making it to market by February 14th.

Bear with me here (no pun intended) as I get organized, and please keep me in mind for next year. I'll keep you informed as things develop.

Heh...

Virtual Piano?

Coolest Thing I've Seen In A While...


If you play piano (or just want to fool around without getting in trouble at the mall or in church) then go HERE:

http://www.thevirtualpiano.com/

Writing's probably going to be light tonight because I'm tired from building and shipping valves all day yesterday... and another load is coming in Friday so I got to go clean up my shop and do some paperwork.

Regards Y'all...

TSA Passenger Profiling...Right or Wrong?

A Multiple-Choice Test...


As I've said about ten million dozens and dozens of times here before on this blog, I've about had it up to here (pointing to the very top of my ever greying, ever balding head) with the BS associated with everything from our inability to "profile" when checking the intentions and possessions of potential airline passengers to the Government allowing the wholesale issuing of "student visas" and "work permits" to people from places like China and Lebanon and Syria under preposterous, unbelievable circumstances.

Most of this ingrained mental characteristic is simply based on my innate common sense, although the sniveling booger eating patchouli stinking tree hugging government subsidized liberals progressives in the crowd will be inclined to just stand up and point their fingers at me and scream "racist" and "bigot" and "closed minded" and you name all of the other possible labels in my direction.

I have to admit that part of this blithering here this morning is based on my own personal experiences over the past ten years of flying.

You can call me self-important or self-absorbed I guess, but still...

I don't really know why, but thinking back I'm pretty sure that EVERY SINGLE TIME I've gotten on a Commercial Jet since about the year 2000 I've been subjected to "enhanced screening," generally along with another half dozen dumpy white middle aged people (mostly men carrying laptop computers.)

While Pat passes effortlessly through baggage check and security in her stocking feet, I'm diverted the minute I enter the door to the Airport Terminal into the "special line" where the people with blue or green rubber gloves pass my checked baggage through Geiger Counters and MRI's and Cat Scans and God knows what other forms of "screening."

Half the time when I open my "checked" luggage at the Hotel I find a little tag or greeting card informing me why my formerly neatly folded socks and underwear have been scrambled into a knot...the reason being that after I left my belongings in the care of the GOVERNMENT the bag was opened and "inspected" by one of the aforementioned lovely glove wearing TSA employees.

Meanwhile me and my carry on bag and computer are diverted sideways through those little velvet covered ropes on posts like they have at the bank to a separate Plexiglas enclosed area, what I call a "holding tank," to wait another five or ten additional minutes for some gloved rocket scientist TSA employee to wave me over to a table where they go through my possessions and rub their hands all over me and wand me with a hand held metal detector.

Since I see them go through my stuff I don't even get the tag or the "inspected by" greeting card.

Maybe next time I travel I should insist that I'm not leaving the "screening area" until they tie one of those little tags onto my toe or other designated "appendage."

....zip

..."Thank you Miss."



OK, while I've delivered most of the above ranting and raving in a tongue and cheek manner because I have no control of the process, I also represent that every bit of it is true, including that they "enhance" my screening every time I fly, and I'm sure that I'm not the only one out there who has had similar experiences at least a few times.

And more importantly, what I'm trying to say here AGAIN is that "security screening" in it's present form makes no sense and no difference in your actual level of security while in the air on an airplane (or anywhere else for that matter.)

Most people just shrug their shoulders at the process but truth is that in their ignorance they FEEL BETTER and the government knows that.

When...not IF...the next major successful terrorist event happens here in the US, I promise you that all your government is going to do is further stick their head in the sand (or up the first available body orifice.)

And then the Community Organizer President and his talking head sock puppet Rob Gibbs will be on TV almost 24/7...

and after offering a big old sloppy Presidential "Whoopsy Daisy" they'll simply go back to assuring everyone hiding in their linen closets and under their desks that the Authorities have everything under control and that they're looking at new "enhanced measures" while at the same time saying...

"GOLLY GEE...DON'T BLAME US...LOOK AT ALL THE STUFF WE'VE ALREADY BEEN DOING..."


(pause...sigh...taking a big breath here boss...)

See Folks, my problem with all of this high cost bureaucratic insanity is that while the expenses have been going through the ceiling for "Homeland Security," they're spending 99.3141597% (statistic per the Rogers' In-Congressional Budget Office, or RICBO for short) of the money looking in the wrong direction, at the wrong time, and at the WRONG PEOPLE.

I say that it's pretty easy to know where to look and who to inspect, and bringing this rambling dialogue back to my original point made in this Blog posting title, having come this far with me I ask that you spend another couple of minutes here this morning and take the following little multiple-choice test, designed explicitly to determine your ability to vote for the people who make "Homeland Security" policy, and if you're unemployed, possibly your suitability to get a job working with the TSA if you want to.


Ready?


Here we go...


1. 1968 Bobby Kennedy was shot and killed by:

a. Superman
b. Jay Leno
c. Harry Potter
d. Muslim male extremist between the ages of 17 and 40


2. In 1972 at the Munich Olympics, athletes were kidnapped and massacred by :

a. Olga Corbett
b. Sitting Bull
c. Arnold Schwarzenegger
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40


3. In 1979, the US embassy in Iran was taken over by:

a. Lost Norwegians
b. Elvis
c. A tour bus full of 80-year-old women
d . Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40


4. During the 1980's a number of Americans were kidnapped in Lebanon by:

a. John Dillinger
b. Michael Jackson
c. The Boy Scouts
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40


5. In 1983, the US Marine barracks in Beirut was blown up by:

a. A pizza delivery boy
b. Pee Wee Herman
c. Geraldo Rivera
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40


6. In 1985 the cruise ship Achille Lauro was hijacked and a 70 year old American passenger was murdered and thrown overboard in his wheelchair by:

a. The Smurfs
b. Davey Jones
c. The Little Mermaid
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40


7. In 1985 TWA flight 847 was hijacked at Athens , and a US Navy diver trying to rescue passengers was murdered by:

a. Captain Kidd
b. Charles Lindberg
c. Mother Teresa
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40


8. In 1988, Pan Am Flight 103 was blown out of the sky over Lockerby, Scotland:

a. Scooby Doo
b. The Tooth Fairy
c. The Sundance Kid
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40


9. In 1993 the World Trade Center was bombed the first time by:

a. Richard Simmons
b. Grandma Moses
c. Michael Jordan
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40


10. In 1998, the US embassies in Kenya and Tanzania were bombed by:

a. Mr. Rogers (the guy with the TV show...not me)
b. Hillary Clinton, to distract attention from Wild Bill's women problems
c. The World Wrestling Federation
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40


11. On 9/11/01, four airliners were hijacked; two were used as missiles to take out the World Trade Centers and of the remaining two, one crashed into the US Pentagon and the other was diverted and crashed by the passengers. Thousands of people were killed by:

a. Bugs Bunny, Wiley E. Coyote, Daffy Duck and Elmer Fudd
b. The Supreme Court of Florida
c. Mr Bean
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40


12. Since 2002 the United States has fought a war in Iraq against:

a. Enron
b. The Lutheran Church
c. The NFL
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40


13. In 2002 reporter Daniel Pearl was kidnapped and murdered by:

a. Bonnie and Clyde
b. Captain Kangaroo, Mr. Green Jeans, Bunny Rabit, and the Dancing Bear
c. Billy Graham, Jimmy Swaggert, and Jim and Tammy Baker
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40


14. On November 5, 2009 in a building at Ft. Hood, Texas 13 people were murdered and another 30 were injured in a premeditated attack by:

a. Lady Gaga
b. A young family of five including an infant and two Toddlers
c. Jeff Foxworthy
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40


15. On Christmas day, 2009, an attempt was made to blow up an Airliner in route from Europe to the United States, thereby killing 288 passengers by:

a. Shrek
b. A Blogger named Virgil
c. Don Knotts
d. Muslim male extremists mostly between the ages of 17 and 40


If I wanted to sit here and rack my brain and Google the subject I could easily get another 15 questions, but I think that you get my point this morning.

So will somebody tell me WHY we're sitting around doing things the way we're doing things?

I'm waiting ...

(Que the sounds of crickets chirping...)

BTW, if you scored less than 15 out of 15, and I find out, I'm coming to your house and mowing the word "Dangerous Moron" in your grass with my Weed Eater.

Don't make me come over there...


(Thanks to Rodger over at Curmudgeonly and Skeptical and his Cuzzin Ricky for the idea and link)


MORE...at 6:00 AM...

Answers to the Questions for those to old or young to remember...

1. Sirhan_Sirhan

2. Black_September, a group with ties to Yasser_Arafat and the PLO.
(extra credit given to re-read the story here on wikipedia: Munich_Olympics_Massacre

3. I think everybody remembers this story, but I'm rapidly approaching being older than dirt (it happened THIRTY ONE YEARS AGO while World UN and Dictator Whore and Appeasers President Jumma "Smile When You Say That" Carter was busy playing the Banjo or something in the White House. Go here on Wiki for the answer... Iran_Hostage_Crisis.

4. You're on your own on this one, but I know it happened and am too lazy to spend time Googleing because my point is made elsewhere.

5. Islamic_Jihad

6. Palestine Liberation Front

7. Lebanese Shia Terrorists

8. Lybian moron Abdelbaset_Ali_Mohmed_Al_Megrahi

9. Khaled_Shaikh_Mohammed...I leave it up to you to guess where he went to church, but here's a clue...HE WASN'T A BAPTIST...

10.Egyptian Islamist Jihad

11. If you don't know this I'm coming over to your front yard...see earlier threat...

12. If you don't know this you fail and I'm too impatient to tell you right now.

13. al Quaeda

14. A domestically raised Dumbass Islamist Jihadist...if you don't know this your fail...

15. Some little Dumbass from Africa...if you don't know this you fail...


How'd you do?

Doesn't matter really I guess...

Now go get something productive done while I get back to re-building valves...

What Caused The End Of The Last Ice Age?

Cave Man Al???


Scroll down for the answer...


















Yes, I propose that way back then it was man's discovery of fire and that, combined with all of the Woolly Mammoth and Saber Toothed Tiger farts, caused things to get out of control.

I know that you feel as good as I do about the government trying to stop things from warming up further, right?

Something to think about...

Grey Eagles

WWII Mustang Pilots...

Go watch this video when you have about 15 minutes, then come back and try to tell me what's happened to our country and many of our population since.

[Link to "Grey Eagles"]

One of my early mentors in business, a guy named Sam Watson that ran a steel fab shop in the Atlanta area, was a North American P-51 Mustang pilot during the war and continued on as a flight instructor flying them in the Air Force reserve at Dobbins Air Force Base into the late 1950's.

Like Major Jim Brooks shown in the film, he didn't talk about the war much either, but he did talk about the machine and his love of flying the Mustang.

Sam's been dead for a long time now, and as they say...

They don't make 'em like that any more.

(...and you're welcome if you liked the film...)

Back To The Grind

Making Money Overshadows Fooling Around...


Last night we left the house in the car for the first time since lunchtime Friday and wandered down the Pike and grabbed a quick dinner out, then I came home and continued slogging my way through tax records getting ready to file the two obligatory annual 1040's with the associated schedules and forms, and now a corporate tax return for the first time in ten years.

There's something incredibly wrong when a private citizen is punished for living and breathing and making a little money here and there and in order to answer the Government's questions in the process you have to generate a stack of file folders almost A FOOT HIGH.

I read somewhere where the Federal Tax Laws have now exploded from about 400 pages when it was first enacted in 1913 to over SEVENTY THOUSAND PAGES in it's present form (excuse the pun)today.

That's just stupid, and all the people out there that benefit from running to H&R Block, filing returns and not only not owing any money but getting a "return" in the form of "earned income credits" and other "refundable credits" for non-achievement (then walking away giving up 25% interest in return for your "Tax Return Anticipation Check" so you can go buy a new car while I own a 15 year old Suburban) need to realize that, while it might be legal, to ME it's the same thing as coming to my house with a gun and making me give you a portion of my life and labor and possessions...

except you elect vote to allow the GOVERNMENT to do it on your behalf...under the guise that I don't NEED all of the money I earn...and because you're too chicken shit to come take it yourself.

You'll have to excuse me now because I have to go do some WORK in order to earn my money, and hopefully earn enought between now and April 15th to pay my fair share of the costs of roads and the military--things I want to pay for--and probably a couple of tax cheat deadbeats riding on my back courtesy of the US government.

That will be all...for now.


MORE 45 Minutes later...

No...I'm not Manic Depressive although my apparent mood swings here in this blog might indicate otherwise, it's just that I hate the IRS and I hate the BS sold to the population about higher income taxpayers.

I'm not one today but I aspire to be one (a "high income earner") again. One of my best friends made almost a million dollars over the past four years and he definitely doesn't "OWE" anyone nearly $350,000 in taxes in return for the privilege of getting three college degrees and working his ass off sacrificing marriage and ever having any kids of his own...

I too worked my ass off to get through college and have paid tons of money to accountant's over the years to keep me and my corporations out of trouble with the IRS, and I ELECTED to NOT have any children also because I was too busy working to raise a family.

I've screwed up in many areas of my life, but I've also managed to make some smart choices and maybe had a little luck along the way, and still I say that sleeping your way through high school and then going out and squirting babies out right and left that you can't afford shouldn't entitle you to winning the government lottery paying you "living wage" income and "free" health care health insurance and retirement benefits by shaving the top off of the incomes of me and my peers.

Sorry...just call me selfish I guess...

Initial Test Flight Test Slide(s) Results Inconclusive

Equipment Back In The Shop For Fine Tuning...


It was 20 degrees F here this morning, and I finally got up and forced myself to re-install my spandex get dressed in two layers and contemplate my fate with my home made sled.

After going over the undercarriage and checking all of the razor sharp edges on the skis which I had previously filed down during construction, every thing looked OK ("OK" having various meanings depending on your perspective as to my sanity), then I walked the contraption out the basement door and did a short test slide on the lawn which only went about 25 feet.

OK, but the snow was a little crunchy and soft underneath so I moved over to the driveway and checked for traffic on the street in front of the house. Since everything is iced over most rational people were staying home and apparently we only have one or two morons with a death wish (besides me) living on our street.

No land speed records were set, but I did make it down the driveway to the street once and took another short slide before that covering about half the length of the asphalt strip.

I was winded after draggin the 30 pound monster back up the driveway, but the good news is that the braking system works fine (of course when your going about as fast as the speed of sound smell that's easy.)

Bad news, the steering works only occasionally and trying to turn left might just make you turn right... so now I'm fooling around with the ski geometry and some other stuff on the front end to see if I can make more of my weight transfer forward.

More bad news, the road with the loooonnnggg steep hill I was planning on sledding on nearby was treated with Ice melt compound so I'm stuck on my 75' long drive way for the duration of the testing.

And meanwhile, I'm thinking maybe at my age and bulk I need a "Sleigh" rather than a "Sled", so now I'm thinking about building one of these...



out of PVC pipe and an old refrigerator body.

I know, I know, I know what you're thinking...

Stay tuned to this channel for more developments...

Downhill Conditions Improving

New Afternoon Snow Elevates Spirits...


Surprisingly enough we picked up probably another inch or two of snow mid afternoon yesterday as the temperature started it's plunge down to the current reading of 22 degrees F on the back yard weather station.

I was in a cooking mood since there was no way I could get Pat and the Turbo Pup to venture out in the car, so I produced a late morning Brunch and then scrounged around in the fridges and freezer and pantry and found that I had the ingredients for a Moroccan Beef Stew I've cooked once before called Tagine (click on the link for the recipe) which features tomatoes and carrots and cinnamon and cumin and Chickpeas and I used Beef Tenderloin tips and a couple of older Tenderloins which I cut up into bite sized pieces.

Served over Couscous made with butter and chicken stock instead of plain water, and I'd put the dish up against anything found in any Mediterranean restaurant I've ever been to.

While the stew was cooking down I put back on the new ill fitting so called "long underwear" and "waterproof" top garments and wandered down the street for the purpose of generally being nosey and taking a few photos.

Here's my ancient mailbox...circa 1963...on the far right sitting in the snow at the end of the drive:



That sucker is mounted in a METAL DAIRY MILK JUG buried in the ground and filled with concrete. (There's no way I'm digging it up and putting in a new post and box, but I may get energized enough when it stops snowing this spring to grind the old silver paint off and install a new finish and street number.)

Here's a look down the street nearby...



and one of the small "mini-farms" nearby which haven't sold out to be turned into subdivisions (If we ended up maintaining a presence in knoxtown I want to move over there...)






On a sad note I found this somber sight of this year's Christmas Tree laying in the brush pile in the back yard...




and then I found a couple of happy snow covered fellows down the street which made me feel a little better...



I guess I'll go now and do some work fussing with stupid income taxes, then take a nap in anticipation of polishing up the skis on the sled and trying to stay out of the newspaper and off the evening TV news.

Anybody Want A "Mushy Slushy"?

Just Add Sugar & Food Coloring...


Dang it, I want my money back.

For what...you might ask?

How about the crappy XXL Long Johns I bought at Wal Mart which must be designed for people in China that consider themselves to be of the size "XXL" but really wear Boy's size 6x, and then there's the crappy Ski Bib pants we rushed out and bought at Burlington Coat Factory for $29.99 at lunch on Friday, also in size "XXL"...but which make me look like some mutated cross between "The Michelin Man" and "The Pillsbury Dough boy" (think Ghost busters) when I put them on this morning.

If I were 6'6" tall they might fit correctly.

I put everything on and walked outside and all of the birds took off and flew away and a neighbor's dog peed on itself before running away as I stomped through what is left of a nice snow and sleet storm on the way to the mailbox to pick up the newspaper this morning.

I don't blame them because I was pretty alien looking lumbering along with excess fabric surrounding a man basically wearing a couple of rubber bands around his middle and thighs and ankles underneath a circus tent.

Any way...I'm pretty pissed off now because our weather turned to "almost freezing rain" about 3:30 AM this morning and moushed and sqoushed and slopped everything that had fallen earlier up into something about the consistency of a cheep Daiquiri or Snow Cone, so sledding is out today unless things drop back below freezing, but tonight things are going down into the teens over night so I guess I might get a few test runs in tomorrow.

The other thing that bothers me is that with the sloppy wet mush the scenery is hardly worth shooting photos of which takes away my other aspirations for the day.

At least we missed a utility interrupting Ice storm but going from 7" to 11" forecast to what we have outside should make Owl Gore and the tie dyed, Patchouli stinking sniveling tree hugging booger eating Global Warming Alarmist shut the &^%$ up and leave my wallet alone for the next 25 years because the guys wearing coats and ties at the National Weather Service and The Weather Channel blew it in my opinion.

So nobody better come to my house in the next month and tell me about Spotted Owls and Polar Bears and melting Glaciers in the Himalayas unless you want a giant man in ill fitting clothing to punch you in the nose with his calculator.

Time to calm down and go cook breakfast I guess...

Virgil's Vexing Vexations

Out Of The Frying Pan...


OK, it's about 3:30 AM and our snow and sleet has converted to freezing rain since midnight, further packing things down in the yard and on the deck and causing the tree limbs to start glistening and making me nervous about the integrity of our electrical power services.

Meanwhile, having mastered the design of crazy adult sized sleds made of surplus beach chair parts I've turned my attention back to my up coming St. Simons Island Rotary Red Hot Chili Cookoff and the recipe and booth supporting the cooking and presentation thereof.

As is normal in my life, instead of taking the easy route and just breaking the old booth out of storage on the island and doing some touch up paint, after Googling around looking at Caribbean theme photos I found this picture of a little patio bar



and I've decided that with John's permission I have to attempt to modify our existing structure in an effort to replicate something like this for this year's Chili event.

So now I have a couple of hours into doing preliminary sketches on grid paper and after taking a nap I'll refine things and do a bill of materials and see where the weather takes us.

Stay tuned to this channel Y'all...

The Weather's Here

Wish I Were Beautiful Was 20 Years Younger


OK, we officially have a winter storm going on outside my back door.

The forecast has bounced all over the chart today, steadily rising from the 4" to 6" range this morning to a high of 8" to 12" around dinner time, then settling back to 7" to 11" right now...looking at the deck we've already had a couple of inches and they say most will come after midnight.

Toss on top of that the predicted extra 3 or so inches tomorrow and this will probably set my personal record for the second or third largest snowfall outside a building I owned.

Of course the "Blizzard of '93" in Atlanta is still the record for me and will hopefully continue to be if I have anything to say about getting the hell out of here and back to the Georgia Coast sometime in late 2010 or early 2011.

I like snow still, don't get me wrong...I used to love it and pay money to travel to ski slopes and ride cabled contraptions to the top of mountains so I could slide down on a pair of expensive rented planks, but with my bad circulation in my legs and torso and 50 years of mileage on the rest of my body a good snow once or twice every ten years is about all I need to feel fulfilled in life.

You know you're getting old when you see a "snow event" as they call it on the Weather Channel as an annoying inconvienance or a "Photo Opportunity" rather than a good reason to miss school or work and run around outside like an idiot doing cartwheels and getting soaking wet and risking frostbite.

Since everyone at my house works from home, and since this storm hit on a Friday it really doesn't provide anything but a little drama and an opportunity to try out the new snow shovel and sled tomorrow.

Twenty five years ago I'd already be outside walking around in the stuff as it comes down tonight, but more recently we've had three or four small snows in the past two winters that I didn't even put on shoes and leave the house until most of it had melted.

I guess that there's a time for most everything in life, but these day's I just look for some Spanish Moss draped Live Oaks, a little beach sand, and warm coastal breezes and leave the frozen powder to the youngsters.

New Sled Takes Shape

Rube Goldberg Hits The Slopes...


Well, I made it through the evening keeping one eyeball on the Weather Channel while cooking dinner, and then I tried to lay down and sleep for six or so hours but I was so engrossed in design problems relating to how to convert a beach chair into a workable sled that I gave up about 12:30 AM and got up and got dressed and came down here to the shop.

Since then I've been making sawdust, managing to set the smoke detector off a couple of times grinding my way through some 45 degree bevel cuts with the only old carbide blade I have in the building.

This is what I have come up with so far. Remember that I started out with a used version of one of these:



and then I cut it apart and started fooling around with some scrap lumber I had laying around in the shop and an old reflector off of a 4' two lamp florescent shop light that had died.




upside down mounting the main skis/runners:




Things started taking shape and just kept growing and growing until I had this silly looking thing when I was finished...





It ain't pretty but it is definitely strong.

I have a couple of cans of green spray paint to color the bare wood but I'm too lazy to put it on there right now and I don't want to get paint on me and my clothes since it looks like I'll get to give it a test ride/slide in the next 48 hours.



As you can see it has a steerable front end and even a brake function to keep me from breaking the sound barrier or knocking down people and trees hopefully.

I'd like to be able to say that I insist that anything I ride on or in weigh a few thousand pounds more than I do (remember I have a Chevy Suburban) and, while if I keep adding wood and bolts this monstrosity could come close to my 240 pound bulk I think that by restraining my enthusiasm it's still going to actually end up a few hundred pounds less than me in the process.

Still, I may need to call the Tennessee DOT and see if I need a tag or some sort of permit or possibly a "wide load" sign and an escort truck with a flashing light if I ride the thing down the nearby hill on David Lane.

Pay attention to the national news and the ASSociated Press story's on the storm because there may be something written about them having to pry me out from under a tractor trailer or hoist me out of a tree or off of the roof of a house if this thing works like I think it will.

If we get ice or sleet instead of wet snow I may just be able to set some sort of downhill land speed record.

Anybody want to take up a collection to buy me a ticket to the Winter Olympics?

New Forecast

Caught Without Water Proof Pants...


No, I'm not talking about "Depends" or other "Adult Diaper" products...the water I'm worrying about could be infiltrating from the outside because I just noticed that the Weather Nerds and Computer Models have updated the forecast here in Knoxtown to include somewhere between 4 and 8 inches of snow falling Friday night.

I take that to mean we will at least see two snowflakes in my back yard, with the possibility of suffering power outages and having to slog through two feet of stuff to make it to the bank or post office if they're still open when the "winter weather event" arrives.

Regardless, I guess that we'll run out for drinks at happy hour, then come home and after I cook dinner I'll be forced to retire to the basement workshop to fine tune the details and drill some holes and drive some screws into the raw assemblage which is taking shape as a home made adult sized snow sled.

I'm pretty pissed that I have managed to buy Pat a set of water resistant ski bibs while I'll be running around shivering, soaking wet because I currently don't own a pair of jumbo sized bibs--the old pair were victims of the house fire--although I do have pretty good gloves and a nice parka.

The emergency supply cabinet is in good shape however, with fresh batteries for the flashlights and drinking water and lamp oil for old fashioned lamps with wicks and there's five gallons of gas for the generator and an extra 40 gallons in the Suburban .

The only thing we're missing is a fireplace, something that almost every other house on this street has but our previous owner apparently didn't want or appreciate when the house was built.

A good fireplace is worth it's weight in gold when weather like this approaches with the peace of mind that you know that you can stay warm and at least boil water if someone is having a baby for coffee and other hot drinks or just to wash your arm pits. Our house on St. Simons even had a fireplace which we used a few weeks out of each year.

Any way, wish us luck and pray for snow instead of sleet and freezing rain and we'll probably be no worse the wear come Monday.

Regards Y'all...photos to follow...

New Beach Chair Sled In Process

Up-Coming Weather Conditions Require new Equipment And Technology


Regular readers know that recently I've spent some time drawing cartoons, making calculations, and stacking up blocks of wood and left over metal and fabric parts from an old beach chair for the past couple of weeks now trying to get some sort of conveyance put together in anticipation of the next bout of winter weather.

I was until last night starting to get all excited and wanting to get into a hurry, but unfortunately for the school kids and the grown kids like me they've reduced our snowfall accumulation estimates for this coming storm down to around 1 inch this morning.

That doesn't matter to me however...and as usual things could change by 9 AM or sometime after lunch time.

Any way, after laying around here being useless for a couple of days thinking about people and things I shouldn't be thinking about, I'm now resolute in forcing myself up vertical, getting off of my butt and going down into the basement and bolting together what I call my ultimate adult sled...

The patented and trademarked "Rogers Crazy Turbosonic Suicide Sliding Machine."

That would be the "RCTSSM" for short--helping those of you taking notes and wanting to write about my demise after the obituary is published.

Speaking of obituaries, I just learned that a good friend and drinking buddy of mine, St. Simons Barrister Tom Swift (no relation to the storybook character), passed away this week after fighting diabetes and more recently pancreatic cancer.

Tom left behind a wife and two daughters and an Island full of people who, along with the passing of his 90 plus year old father last year, will miss the gentle character and intellectual whit of two gentlemen who were singular institutions on our little coastal Georgia island.

RIP Mr. Swift, and say hello to your father for me...