My Eyes Were Bigger Than My Stomach Everyone's Stomachs

Sale Prices Yield Massive Over-Cooking...


Burp...

Going into the Holiday season, I swore that this year I'd take it easy and not cook an giant elaborate feast of appetizers, multiple meats, and a half dozen side dishes.

The idea sounded good at first, but then they put big turkeys on sale for $0.69 a pound before Thanksgiving and I couldn't resist grabbing a 14 pounder and shoving it in my freezer for future use.

I made it though Thanksgiving keeping my "minimalist cooking" pledge by accepting an invitation for lunch with my neighbors and their large family--only doing a couple of appetizers which only took a couple of hours to produce.

Then when we finally made our Christmas plans and I realized that there was an opportunity to cook Christmas Dinner and...while suffering for Alzheimer's...I offered to cook my NINE POUND turkey for Pat and Mom and I (remember it was 14, not 9 pounds.)

Further, in keeping with my pledge, the meal would consist of just the Turkey, dressing, and two sides with cranberry.

"Really simple."

SIMPLE, I promised myself.

And remembering the old saying "bird in hand (or freezer)...etc., etc.", I decided it didn't matter that a 14 pound bird will serve ten to twelve, so I just threw that sucker in the cooler and carted it to Lower Alabama.

By the way, the good news is that with a rock solid frozen 14 pound bird anchoring the proceeding in the Cooler we didn't need any ice over our day and one half journey south to support keeping cool itself and the beef tenderloin, fresh vegetables and other stuff we raided from our freezer and fridge.

That turkey was still hard as a rock when I cleaned out the cooler and then put it back into a couple of four gallons of brine solution.

So then after cooking a Fillet/Baked Potato dinner Wednesday night and fresh Pork and Chicken Tamale's with Salsa Verde for lunch yesterday...

burp...

at 1:30 PM Thursday afternoon my assault on turkey, Sage Sausage Dressing, Broccoli/Cauliflower Casserole, and a Baked Mashed Potato dish ensued.

Turns out that the other thing I forgot (besides the size of the bird), was that most of my recipes had been developed to serve a dozen people (scaling toward 30 diners a couple of times in recent memory) so when the dust settled at 6 PM last night, besides being too tired to eat, I had what was probably the BIGGEST PILE OF FOOD ever set in front of three people in south eastern Alabama.

burp...

So just now, after a nap, I got through ripping the tin foil and saran wrap off the top and processing the left overs--read that carving the rest of the Turkey off of the bone--so now it's time to scan the cooking blogs for something to make besides "Turkey Sandwiches."

burp...

In the mean time, If anyone has any good ideas, I'll let you have a couple of pounds of free bird....just stop by...

burp...

Oh, and by the way, just in case I missed you "Merry Christmas"...

M E R R Y C H R I S T M A S ! ! !

Here's Hoping You Get What You Wished For...


My request was pretty simple this year...

I just hope it doesn't end up under the tree.


Heh...


(Shamelessly stolen from here )

Jack Webb Schools Obama

All I Can Say Is...A M E N...

Live from Smyrna Vinings Smynings Georgia

Back In Cobb County...


Well, we knocked the first three hours off the interstate portion of our Christmas journey mid-day Monday and then spent the afternoon in Suburban Atlanta between shopping destinations and the Hotel and restaurant for dinner.

Being back in town less than 24 hours, it's still easy to remember why I felt this "Little Big City" I learned to love in the late 1970's changed so much as it grew that it forced me to want to relocate in 2002. (Even today when we visit the traffic still makes my liver, spleen, and colon spasm uncontrollably.)

Now early this morning, before the traffic jam gets going full force, we're sneaking heading south on I-85 toward Auburn and then cross country to the farm.

Wish us a safe journey, avoiding the cell phone texting morons, and not being jailed for killing someone in an adjacent car with my bare hands while traveling at 75 MPH...if you will...

Holiday Travels

We're Headin' Back South...Praise The Lord...


Once again I have to warn everyone that my blogging efforts are going to be sporadic and hit or miss for a bit---whenever, where ever and what ever--this week as we pack and move south for the next 5 to 10 days.

If it were up to me we would head to Atlanta tomorrow around noon and then on to south Alabama on Tuesday morning, and then after Christmas if I wanted to really get crazy we'd spend next weekend in Cedar Key Florida and a couple of nights back on our little island of St. Simons, but Pat's worried about the cost and the length of time on the road so we may just do Lower Alabama and call it quits after four or five nights.

I'm still working on her psychologically and we'll pretty much know by tomorrow night the final travel itinerary. Of course the weather forecast will also have a lot to do with our plans because we can stay home for free versus sitting in a motel for $150 a night watching it rain.

Wish us luck and safe travels (avoiding the texting while driving cell phone morons) one way or the other...if you will...

Virgil's Pajamagram Pajamaham Company

Forget Lingerie...Give Her Something She Really Wants/Needs


As I wrote back last February in my posting called Virgil's Valentine Bear Company, I enjoy lambasting the seasonal TV commercials that drive me crazy selling stuff to Men that are apparently too lazy to go shopping before February 13th or December 24th and/or pay any attention to what their wife or girl friends (or wives AND girl friends...wink wink...) would like to receive as a gift.

Now it's Christmas 2009, and once again I find myself frequently assaulted with the Pajamagram commercials that come on every 15 minutes no matter what channel you watch on TV.

"when she opens your package, she'll think you've been planning for months..."

Yeah...R I G H T...

You ignorant Dumbass...


But (but not Boston Butt)...

Gentlemen, I'm pleased to announce that in the course of my normal entrepreneurial spirit, and as a public service, that it's time for me to roll out my own personal offering in the market of last minute Christmas Gifts for the ladies on your shopping list.

I think that it's something that's really needed...something that both YOU, the Man giving the gift, AND HER, the woman receiving the gift can enjoy--particularly if your little lady is a real life regular woman rather than some exotic anorexic bitchy fashion model like the girls they show on these ads...



when you may be coming home from work and looking at this every night...



I say forget images like this of you and the little Missus lounging around Christmas afternoon...



Not at my house...NooooOOOO...and you can have it too...

Just e-mail me with your credit card or Paypal account number and for the low, Low, LOW price of $109.99 (or three easy payments of $36.66) you can get a beautiful package that looks like this:



And Inside that fashionable box?

Not just two pairs of Funky flannel pajamas with weird logos and images sprinkled randomly over the strange dry-cleaning only friendly fabric...I'm going to include one of these at no extra COST:



Imagine the look on her face Christmas morning when she opens your package from "PajamaHam."

Order now, and while supplies last by December 21st we'll provide free shipping by Pony Express and our famous limited Botulism poisoning warning.



Heh...

Nerdy Christmas Re-Runs

I Thought That This Was Cool Last Year...

...so here it is again for your enjoyment (crank up the volume):




(Somebody's out there's got Wayyyyyy too much time on their hands...)

Here's Your Obama Osama Christmas Greeting

Somebody Thank Reid And Pelosi For Me...






"Infidels..."

Our Turbo Pup Turns Three Years Old Today

"That's One Darn Fine Dog We Got There..."


It's our little Missy "The Turbo Pup's" Birthday today, and I thought I'd publish a photo montage of all the stuff she's done since she was born in coastal Mississippi back on December 19th, 2006.

Since being from the Gulf coast and having made a trip on Delta airlines to come to our house on our little island on the Georgia coast when she was two months old and weighed TWO POUNDS, she's become quite the experienced world traveler and professional beach/pool dog just like her Dad.

Here she is at about three months and three pounds...the nose and body gets longer as she matures...



A glamor photo in the yard of the condo about a month later...



Hanging out on the pool deck with her Cousin "Olive" down in Orlando that spring:



Impersonating Bugs Bunny...



You need to understand that our little miniature long haired Dachshund has her own luggage, and she knows when we're going out of town and she insists on supervising the preparations to make sure her Valet (that would be me) doesn't forget anything (including the puppy.) When we start packing and moving stuff around she can't sit still and will try to get into the car every time we open the doors to load something up. Here she is trying to hide and blend in the stuff as I load the trunk...



In addition to clothes and luggage, she also has her own furniture.

Here she is testing out her new beach chair on St. Simons when she was about 9 months old...(we had to get her that chair so we had a place to sit on the beach because she will take all of the towels and chairs if you don't make a dedicated place for her to sit.)





Swimming with a friend in Grandma's pool down in Alabama a few summers ago...



Wrestling with her dad sporting her Georgia Tech collar...



St. Simons this past spring without her chair (on my towel)



And earlier on that same trip hanging out on the beach and on a restaurant deck with her Dad on Cedar Key, Florida...






Last Christmas sitting under the Christmas Tree looking for more presents and puppy snacks in Kansas City



Hosting another friend and leading the inaugural ceremonies of the new and improved back yard Turbo Pup Pool and Recreational Complex (TPPRC for short) last summer here in Eastern Tennessee on the banks of the Mighty Tennessee River...


As I've written several times before, I've spent most of my life living with cats beginning before the age 12 and ending with the passing of two wonderful fellows--Patches and Hoover back in the late 1990's.

With their loss due to old age I swore I would never have another pet, but today I can honestly tell you that I wouldn't know what to do without our little Missy 'The Turbo Pup" who never ceases to amaze me with her intelligence and her ability to use every ounce of her little 11 pound body and spirit to help keep me sane and grounded as I wrestle with life in my later middle age.

As my subtitle said..."that's one darn fine dog we got there..."

In closing, Missy would like to say thanks to everyone for taking the time to look at her pictures and for all your well wishes on this special day, and if you didn't like looking her photos, all she has to say is...






GO WRITE YOUR OWN BLOG and leave my Dad alone...

Christmas Cards

Expensive Social Frivolities...


There was a time, back a hundred years ago about the late 1980's when I was freshly married the first time and full of energy and each Holiday Season found me being responsible for putting out somewhere around 75 or 80 Christmas cards each year.

Then in the late 1990's and early 2000's time my life's circumstances got the best of me, and I became all pissed off and lost my mind and my ass financially and went out of business and for a few years I didn't even call anyone just to say hello let alone send them a Christmas card.

Being that way is harder than it looks, emotionally and spiritually, SO...

here I am today living in a foreign town in a foreign state... WaaAAAAAyyyyyYYYY north of where I really want to be living, licking envelopes and putting on self sticky stamps to the tune of $0.44 each and when the dust settled I realized we were back up to FORTY ONE CARDS THIS YEAR.

And that didn't include my cousins and Pat's extended family beyond grandchildren that had moved out of their parent's houses and didn't rate a card for various reasons including lethargy.

And I was too lazy to make my own custom cards this year.

I used to do stuff like this on a PDA sitting in the airport and then clean it up with Photoshop.






But this year, because I'd run out of art work that everyone hadn't already seen, instead $60 in postage and paper later I finally find my seasonal duties completed.

All the shopping.

All the wrapping.

All the shipments.

And now all of the cards.

You'll have to excuse me for saying that all I want for Christmas is for someone to spike me a giant glass of eggnog with 100 proof rum and let me just sit around and chant "Bah Humbug" from now until the 25th.

Is that an unreasonable request?

Holiday Lethargy

I'm Falling Behind By Getting Ahead...


It's really weird, but I have to admit that I'm having trouble getting motivated the last couple of days after starting the week off like a Jet fighter on full afterburner.

I guess you could say that for some reason I can't help staying out of "fire drill" mode due to some quirk in my DNA or something.

Accomplishment leads to Procrastination.

I got a ton of stuff done on Monday and Tuesday including finishing all of my Christmas shopping online (you got to love those "Free Freight Deals") and getting to the 75% point on my PLC project, then yesterday at mid-week I found myself just sort of sitting around spinning my wheels doing nothing.

I went back to bed mid morning and didn't get up until 3 PM...getting some of the best sleep I've had in weeks while the thermometer hovered around 40 degrees.

Aahhhhhh...the luxury of being unemployed being self employed.

Then I got up and tossed the last couple of strings of Christmas lights on the railings and bushes out on the front lawn.

I also finally managed to finish slow cooking the pork and chicken and beef for my current Tamale efforts, but only tonight did I get the Manudo spice blend put together and the Tomatillo's roasted and run through the food processor for the Salsa Verde.

I've learned that the thing about Tamales is that if you're going to make four of them, you might as well make FOUR DOZEN because it's a huge effort getting everything together, and unless you're from Jaurez or Mexico City things don't come naturally, especially for people from Lower Alabama.

Don't get me wrong, it's not hard, it's just a different cooking process and order and the way I've figured out how to do things I have to do a little more thinking because I've only cooked them a couple of times and those events have been spread out over four or five years.

As usual, each time I make notes and try to improve on the process. Two of the three previous efforts have come out really nice, with the third being a little dry and under cooked for some reason.

The first time I cooked them--the second time ever--for public consumption I had over 40 people try my pork and beef recipe out and if I had been in the catering business I could have made a little money off the offers I received that day--but thus far I cook for pleasure, not profit.

The good news is that the balance of the week can be spent fine tuning the PLC software, completing the user's manual, and getting ready to travel to my Mother's home on the Family Farm in lower Alabama for four or five days extending over Christmas.

After standing on the roof cleaning gutters and and doing other maintenance chores, I hope to be able to spend some time wandering around the property visiting my Great Grandmother's house lost in the woods and built in the late 1800's, and possibly get out my guns and blast some tree limbs off the trees across the lake with 22 magnum and 30-06 rounds.

The older I grow, the closer I seem to become to my family's ancestrial lands--parts of which go back to somewhere around the 1830's--the only problem thus far being always living four to seven hours away since the late 1970's.

Aromas from the oven in the kitchen call me now, so if you will excuse me I'll go see what's going on and hopefully not need a fire extinguisher.

I Want My YOUR Money Back

Since I Didn't Vote 'em In, Can I At Least Complain?


Check this ASSocaited Press story out and come back to me when your head stops spinning...


Unwitting tourists attend White House breakfast
By BEN EVANS (AP) – 7 hours ago

WASHINGTON — The White House is once again explaining how uninvited guests wound up shaking hands with President Barack Obama.

This time, a Georgia couple hoping to tour the White House ended up at an invitation-only Veterans Day breakfast.

White House officials say the couple mistakenly showed up a day early and were allowed into the breakfast because there were no public tours available. They say the couple, Harvey and Paula Darden of Hogansville, Ga., were properly screened for security.

Harvey Darden, however, said there appeared to be a mix-up. No one told them about the breakfast, he said, and the Dardens thought they were starting their tour until they were ushered into the East Room and offered a buffet.

Copyright © 2009 The Associated Press. All rights reserved.


I couldn't really give a crap what goes on at the white house these days. I assume it looks pretty much like a third world country most of the time with the Obama's in charge.

What bothers me is all of the important stuff they're responsible for--things like national security and monetary policy and little details like keeping me from waking up with a boat load of Cubans or Koreans or Iranians or Russians standing on my front lawn waving machine guns.

People can sit around and laugh and high five each other every time the Obamamaniacs pass some new stupid liberal/progressive/socialistic policy, but when the feces finally ends up hitting the rotating impeller ("the shit hits the fan"... for those of you that went to the University of Georgia)I'm going to close my front door and save my ammunition to fend off the hoards coming through my moat and over the ramparts.

Just call me selfish I guess...

I'm In Training To Be A "Motivational Speaker"

I'm Moving To A Van Down By The River...




(I saw this live on Saturday Night Live back when I watched the show regularly as a younger man...don't make me come over to your house and deliver my own speech...)

Go Christmas Shopping At Big Lots...Or Just Commit Suicide?

Take My Guns and Steak Knives Away From Me...


I went to Big Lots today looking for some Christmas Cards.

I'm happy to report that I didn't have to kill anyone including myself, and I didn't have a heart attack although my blood pressure is a few points higher on both ends of the scale after returning home.

Who ARE these people, and why do they lose their minds just because the calendar says "December?"?

Is it just ME?

That will be all...for now...

Seven Simple Home Remedies For Men

My Own Version Of Reader's Digest Tips...

1. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop.

2. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using the sink.

3. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins. Remember to use a timer.

4. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

5. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives; then you'll be afraid to cough.

6. You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

7. If you can't fix it with a hammer, you've got an electrical problem.


Heh...

Thanks for the ideas goes out to Rodger over at Curmudgeonly & Skeptical Blog

Basement Blogging

I'm The Emperor Of All I Survey....


I'm just finishing up a successful session of programming this evening...something that was mandatory if I'm going to get this contraption out the door and into my customer' hands this week.

In the past five hours I've managed to re-write a substantial portion of the front end of my PLC program and really cleaned things up--in the process jumping across a couple of logical hurdles I've been wrestling with for a few weeks now.

I've had to tear out a bunch of optional "gee whiz" stuff which wasn't in the original specifications or the purchase order and concentrate on the core program code and making the thing sing and dance in the manner it was sold.

It's not really Rocket Science, but realize that it's been nearly thirty years since I last worked with PLC's and it's been nearly 20 years since I spent time writing software on any substantial basis.

Today finds me back on a ladder cleaning gutters and hanging Christmas lights and doing other home owner stuff...then there's still three or four pounds of Boston Butt that needs pulling and further processed into ...get ready...

T A M A L E S.

With real Masa dough wrapped in corn husks and steamed to perfection.

My stomach is growling just writing about them (the Tamales.)

My Butt's Been Brined & Seared

And Now It (A Boston Butt) Is Sitting In The Oven...


I love writing about cooking a Boston Butt almost as much as I love slow cooking a Boston Butt, because I get to write the word "Butt" and nobody can take offence to my content.

See, I just wrote the word "Butt" three times in one sentence.

Now I've written "Butt" five times in three sentences, but (but not "Butt") it doesn't stop there.

Even though it's a Sunday, I'll probably end up SAYING the word "Butt" several dozen times and not once be making reference to any politician or ex-wife or former business partner.

How can one person be allowed to have so much simple fun?

I say that you need to get off your Butt, get yourself a Butt, start by Brining it, and find out...

Stuff That Blows My Mind

Positive Thinking & Blogging...


I've found myself sitting here this morning wide awake, when I should probably be asleep, checking the FedEX website following the "tracking numbers" on a couple of boxes worth a couple of thousand dollars to me in the next month if they get to their destination safely and perform as intended/specified.

Being somewhat of a hopeless romantic, I can't help but think about how far the business world has come since my first days in my first job--as an idiot intern after high school graduation at the United States Army Aeromedical Research Lab (USAARL) at Ft. Rucker, Alabama.

Back then these guys, being on the forefront of technology...while still using carbon paper in some of the typewriters...had these fancy clunky dedicated IBM "word processors."

I thought that it was pretty cool and couldn't keep my hands of them when the Secretaries were at lunch. (the Word Processors...not the Secretaries...OK maybe one of them...)

In 1978 a "word processor" was basically a typewriter with memory...a machine with something the size of a bar/dorm room refrigerator attached to it that could spit out letters and forms while you filled in the blanks with the answers to "Dear..." and "Sincerely..." being the only variables in the equation.

Fast forward to yesterday morning and I wrote three purchase orders, one invoice, and a couple of packing slips and printed them out in color, in triplicate, without a shred of carbon paper in sight.

Then as to communicating with my customer and keeping them up to date?

In 1983, in my first real Engineering job, with a company located off Peachtree Street, we still had the carbon paper in Miss Eller's Typewriter and we were just converting from rotary to touch tone telephones in Atlanta, but only Robert Wagner and Stefanie Powers on the TV show "Hart to Hart had cell phones--and those were the size of a cinder block and were mounted in the trunk of their Mercedes Benz 450 SL Convertibles.

At that time people still used telex and telegraph machines in their offices, and we would have two or three weeks to do a proposal because you had to allow for the US Post office or UPS to deliver the package across the country.

Today everybody wants to ask for a proposal in the morning and expects to have a price by 5 PM regardless of the circumstances or quality of the efforts involved.

I think we all end up paying more for the speed of the answer rather than the end result of the overall efforts involved in producing the product...better to err high than low on the price and lose money.

The first time I used a FAX machine was sometime about 1986 and it was a borrowed transmission at my old GT roommates' company to get a proposal out the door before the deadline.

Today almost everyone has fax machines or fax capability on their computers but let's face it...

other than the idiots in GOVERNMENT OFFICES, fax transmissions have pretty much been rendered obsolete by E-mail attachments of MS Word documents or PDF copies of same.

And that brings me back to my current freight shipments this past week, and the technology that allows me to follow my packages across the country from Knoxville to Kansas City.

I know my stuff was in Nashville yesterday, and I know it continues westward this morning.

And I know all of that by simply pecking on a computer keyboard and entering a few numbers.

I can do the same thing from my Web enabled Verizon LG Dare Touch Screen Cell Phone.

Sometimes I guess it makes sense to stop complaining, especially during the holiday season, and acknowledge how good things have been in 2009.

Not perfect, but it could have been a lot worse...

Anybody But Me Want To Slap That Moustache Off Geraldo Rivera's Face???

I'm Just Wondering...


Anybody else feel that way...because I personally can't STAND that SOB (Geraldo).

I've never have liked him.

Ever.

I guess my dislike actually goes way back in history, back to a time even before his stupid
Al Capone'sVault BS Special aired back in the mid 1980's.

Many of you are too young to remember that sad saga in his limited broadcast career, and many of us are old enough to wish that we could forget.

But we can't, and then again you know what?

At least the idiot's presence on the Fox News channel gives them further credibility to being "Fair and Balanced' because the guy is pro illegal immigrant and "anti" about everything else I stand for in my own life.

Sorry if I appear cranky...I've been up since 1 AM writing Ladder Logic program code while watching the cold rain fall here in Eastern Tennessee.

I guess that it's time now for a nap before resuming my programming duties (and there's a Boston Butt to Brine and cook between now and dinner.)

21 Degrees F In Knoxville

47 Degrees F on St. Simons Island...


Who's idea was this--leaving Our Little Island--any way?

One Eight Down...

Two More To Go...


Well, I managed to throw eight of my new custom 3-way pneumatic valves out the door on FedEX on Friday. Four went out in the morning in one heavy cardboard box and their cousins went out about 4:30 PM in another 23 pound shipment.

My fingers hurt from banging them on the edges of the metal components and pushing on Allen wrenches and clamping things in my bench vice because--basically I'm an office boy and have no calluses on my hands unless I'm in the middle of a home improvement project (something that's a few months behind me most recently.)

Now for the next week on the professional front it's nuthin' but me and Bobby McGee there's just me and my PLC Infrared Temperature Probe project which has to be out preferably by mid week.

Did I mention that my customer called and ordered another duplicate panel for their Maryland Corporate Headquarters/Manufacturing facility?

They want to be able to evaluate it's performance on more than one production line and have ominously threatened me with a command performance meeting with Corporate Engineering in January.

The good news is that I have another order, the bad news I have as yet to make the first Prototype work so I either have two dead panels or two working panels. The hardware is a no-brainer, it's the software that needs a little fine tuning before it gets packed in bubble wrap and peanuts.

If things go as planned I could end up being inundated with dozens of orders for duplicate panels, and then there's a whole family of variants I'm talking to them about for delivery in 2010.

And in the mean time the %$#@ Government will continue to take my time filing forms and stealing money paying for "licences" and "permits."

And now not only do I have to file Federal Income Tax for Pat and I (fortunately the Turbo Pup is exempt as far as I can tell), but now yet another tax return for the Corporation will be due April 15th, and of course there's the State Sales Tax people to deal with and on and on and on.

I'm afraid the Government BS is going to force me back into having to have an Accountant look at things this year for the first time in over ten years, in spite of being officially "unemployed" since December 19th last year.

Isn't that a total load of crap?

A guy gets laid off, and the only thing he manages to do to earn a little income over the subsequent 12 months is sporadic consulting, sell a piece of real estate, and spend the minimum cash out of savings mandated to start a new Corporation--the only guarantee being the possibility of further losing his ass--and the Government passes laws so complex it makes him PAY someone to do the paperwork else risk making a mistake and having to pay INTEREST AND A PENALTY for an honest oversight.

%$#@ing Government...

"Out Up All Night...Sleep All Day..."

"I Don't Know Where I'm Going..." **


Date: December 11, 2009

Time: 5:36 AM EST

Location: Somewhere In A Basement In West Knoxville, TN

Mission Status: Critical

Current Plans: Ship one carton of Four Valves...Sleep...Build Four More...collapse




***With my apologies to Joe Walsh and the Eagles...

It's 36 Degrees And I'm Out Hanging Lights On My House?

The Wind's Blowing In One Ear And Out The Other...


Of course I can't manage to wear gloves and do the intricate wire tied pattern on my front railings so if I start typing like rthis layter tyonighty yuyou'lklk knbnow whast happpperned.

(Frost bite in my fingers = FGrodst Buitre inb myu fgingerts.)






Heh...

Death By Lawn Tools

Don't Make Me Have To Kill You With A Rake...


I'm Pissed.

More than just a little.

My regular readers/lurkers/followers may remember last year when I spent $500 on a Monday having all of the lawn clipping and branches and trimming and other miscellaneous debris removed after a season spent cutting the overgrown shrubbery of our new 1963 vintage home...and then the VERY NEXT WEDNESDAY my asshole back yard neighbor's white pine tree fell into my yard destroying a giant Holley tree and barely missing the Turbo Pup's picket fenced in recreational area.

The guy,in his mid thirty's, came over and basically told this old crippled 50 year old (ok 49 at the time) man that he was sure sorry but since it didn't break anything his insurance wouldn't pay and that I could borrow his chain saw if I wanted.

I resisted the urge to do something to him involving removing his starched/pressed/pleated Khaki pants and hanging him from one of my trees in the front yard with his Yuppy pink tie as punishment because I'm too old to spend a night in the Knox County Jail.

The idiot never lifted a finger to help remove HIS TREE from my yard and I've never heard from him again another $200 later.

That said, right now I'm fuming because our next door neighbors--one of only two rental houses on the entire street to my knowledge--didn't remove their leaves which fell off of the two giant Oaks in their front yard this season...they just raked them into giant piles at the base of their trees.

I, on the other hand, paid my "lawn technician" to remove my leaves and I cleaned up the stuff that fell since and it's laying in two little piles in the natural areas in my back yard.

I also waited for all of the leaves to fall off of our own and all of the surrounding trees and then put out a pallet and one half of fancy dark stained Cypress mulch in all of the existing flower beds and a giant new bedding area along the front of the house.

Now guess what?

Today with the wind gusting over 40 MPH and blowing nearly constantly out of the west at 10 MPH...

can you guess who's yard is clean and who's yard looks like it hasn't been raked this fall?

And can you guess who's cypress mulch flower beds are full of leaves?

Maybe you can understand why I ask that somebody please consider coming down to the police station and posting bail if you don't hear from me for a couple of days.

MORE (at 4:00 AM)

I've had time to think about this issue and it gives me pause to consider the value of things like "neighborhood covenants" and idiotic "Homeowners Associations" (something I've been the president of a long time ago in another life.)

Still, the idea of home owner's renting houses in generally owner occupied neighborhoods and not including "lawn maintenance" in their rental prices in my Redneck mind could be something the general public should rise up and solve on their own...without government intervention.

I'm half way considering calling my lawn guy, having him clean up my front yard into a giant pile, and then taking the leaves over and dumping them in my neighbor's carport or on his front porch.

If he doesn't actually see me doing it, what can he do?

"Hey dude...act of Nature/God...life sucks sometimes..."

"Chest Nuts" Roasting On An Open Fire...

But What If I'm A 'THIGH' Man??????


OK...everybody settle down after trying to understand the overt meaning of my title and subtitle, and take this quick posting under my new Blog category of "consumer griping" for what it's worth...because last night I cooked a dish--in this case Parma Rosa Chicken with Vegetables--and it reminded me to publicly ask this question:

"Has anyone out there but me noticed that boneless Chicken Thighs cost more than boneless Chicken Breasts in the grocer these days...even ON SALE?"

What's up that?

I guess that it could be that just like the "Buffalo Wings" craze made the price of Chicken Wing Futures go through the roof over the past half century, and today many people have discovered that the other "dark meat" cuts of chicken are capable of adding an interesting flavor and texture to things like Stir Fry and some other rustic pasta dishes I like to produce in my kitchen.

And just in case you hadn't noticed the price differential at your local Kroger, feel free to remember that you heard it here first...

Consider it my December "Public Service Announcement."

Now would someone knock me in the head and make me sleep for more than TWO or THREE hours in a row?

Nightie Night...

I'm Heckling The Contestants On Food Network?

Soul Searching Revelations...


OK People, I hate to admit that I'm getting so obsessed with Food Network that I watch the re-runs of "Chopped" or "Next Iron Chef" or any one of their other competition shows...just so that I can criticize the losing contestants.

Well...

On second thought...

Maybe not... (NOT!)

It's just that once in a while Glenn and Neil and Mr. Bill and Sean and Gretta and the balance of the FOX News channel's reruns get the best of me and I know that I can recite the dialogue from all of the Andy Griffith and M*A*S*H reruns...

SO...

Here I am alone in the "Mission Control" area of my shop at Midnight watching the same "Chopped" episode I saw earlier today...not exactly one of the most exciting Midnight's I've spent over the past 20 years-but a Man's gotta do what a Man's gotta do...and live with the consequences thereafter.

It's sorta interesting to remember that it's five o'clock Midnight somewhere every hour on the hour...

...and my PLC programming efforts call.

"Blue Skys....Comin' My Way..."

Everybody...Sing Along With Me...


Maybe I should actually be doing "Singin' In The Rain", but I don't really care that it's raining outside here in Eastern Tennessee at the Turbo Pup compound on the banks of the Mighty Tennessee River this afternoon.

It's supposed to keep raining most of the week and end up possibly snowing on us again Friday Night/Saturday Morning...

But I don't care.

"Jimmy Cracked Corn" and people didn't care back then either.

(Everyone please excuse me...I'm loopie from lack of sleep...)

You see, in the past 24 hours I have managed to pretty well solve all of the stupid problems I was having with two projects--one a nerdy high tech computer based control system panel--and the other a "light blue collar" dirty fingernail type pneumatic valve rebuild project I've taken on having never actually rebuilt a valve like this before.

I trust you, my dear reader (and Rusty and Roy) to not tell anyone this horrible secret.

BTW, did I mention that these specialty valves like this built in France cost over $1,500 EACH...NEW?

I actually have ten of them sitting here (laughing at me if they could) and I have to have at least four torn down, cleaned, polished, with new guts and seals and gaskets and O-rings installed, and back in a box in the Big Brown Truck by Friday.

And for the past ten days I've been crawling around here kicking my own butt and asking myself "what the heck were you thinking Virgil???"

Everything looked easy when I took the order after looking at one sample valve, but I made the mistake of not completely taking every single snap ring and rolled pin and cam follower out of the beast, and when all of it's friends arrived they proceeded to gang up on me and like some sort of Macabre Machine-Shop Video Game present hurdle after Hurdle after HURDLE of annoying little problems emanating from the silly little details I had ignored in the bid process.

In the end it all came down to a stupid little stainless steel roller bearing shaft that was friction fit into each valve assembly and was apparently super glued into place by my predecessors.

But in the end...

...wait a minute...the UPS driver's here...I got to look in the box...

I'm back...let me catch my breath...

I'm so excited...I just received my 2 ounce quantity sample shipment of Christo-Lube 116, and another 2 ounce jar of Christo-Lube 132

I SAID "Cristo-Lube"...

NOT Crisco-Lube...

And get your mind out of the Gutter people (and you know who you are). You can go here (Lubricationtechnology.com) if you don't believe that I have a legitimate reason for needing something called "Cristo-Lube"--something besides "Bear Grease" or "Owl Shit" to lubricate these very expensive valve assemblies I was writing about.

(UPS really did just arrive...)

But I digress...

Any way, then after the first valve shipment I need to have four more flying and/or rolling down the road by Monday or Tuesday next week, and in my spare time I have to finish the PLC Ladder Logic Programming and get the panel packed in bubble wrap and peanuts and out the door by next Friday, sooooooooo...

You'll have to excuse me because I have to go now and get back to work.

Lost In My Own Basement

Fortunately it's heated and has a Sofa Bed...


I just realized that I've spent more time in my basement workshop in the past two weeks than I've spent in my upstairs office or bedroom.

I've even found myself sleeping a few times in the 4th bedroom and woke up wondering where the heck I was laying there in the dark.

The Turbo Pup, who has historically spent little time at the bottom of the stairs, has taken to coming down and barking at me and checking on me when I don't wrestle with her enough.

Unfortunately my blogging will probably continue to be light for the balance of the week until I get some finished products out the door and a few invoices written.

Feel free to entertain yourselves in the mean time...

Sunday Lethargy

Ho Hum...


Well, the college football regular season is over and the bowl games that really mean anything won't begin until the end of December, so I have an extra four hours for the next few weekends that I'm going to have to figure something to do with myself.

The house is in pretty good shape inside and out, with the only ongoing projects being the final staining and finish on the two new exterior wood door slabs I bought back in September in the middle of the Kitchen floor project.

Fortunately we have storm doors on both openings so the weather won't be a problem...and the front door slab is still awaiting hinge slots and hardware holes--something I'll probably do in the basement unless the weather warms up for a few days.

On the political front, I see where Dingy Harry Reid is up to his normal BS...calling a Sunday afternoon Senate session and a pow wow with President Obamarama to try to slip some more money into the the miserable piece of legislation they call a "Healthcare Bill" and getting the whole thing passed before Christmas.

If they do manage to get it done just realize we've all basically will have gotten a giant dusty lump of coal crammed into our Christmas Stockings courtesy of a Government that could care less what the American People think or want.

Then I read the most obtuse, feckless ASSociated Press article in the local paper this morning, subtitled an "Analysis" talking about "some experts say[ing] the world is losing the battle against Global Warming and warn that humans need to follow natures example: Adapt or die."

What total unmitigated BS.

The article then goes on to spew the typical Eco Friendly Greenie Weenie Tree hugger crap about rising temperatures forcing animals and plants to relocate or adapt (I call it "Evolve") and rising sea levels threatening every thing and every one from New York City to California and everywhere in between.

"Some biologists point to how nature has handled the changing climate. The rare Adonis Blue Butterfly of Britain looked as if it was going to disappear because it couldn't fly far and global warming was making its habitat unbearable. To biologists surprise it evolved longer thoraxes and wings, allowing it to fly farther to cooler locals."

Would somebody cry me a River over this horse hockey?

These same kind of idiots would have stood around the La Brea Tar Pit in Los Angeles and told congress it was Mankind's' fault the Woolly Mammoths and Saber Toothed Tigers were jumping in the tar pit because they were committing suicide running from rising sea levels and cooling global temperatures caused by Exxon and Con Edison.

How can these people keep a straight face when they hyperventilate and look at things that are happening (or not happening in the case of significant rising sea levels and atmospheric temperatures) and bend the effects and causes and results to fit their own stupid political agendas.

The article's author closes by telling us our Community Organizer President wants to give away $1.2 billion of taxpayer dollars for "international climate aid."

The World Bank and the UN and a bunch of other sniveling, booger eating, tree hugging, patchouli stinking "experts" and "activists" then go on to say "...$10 to $12 billion a year through 2012" ...wait...no "...more like $75 billion to $100 billion a year over the next 40 years" ...hold on..."it may even be $200 billion a year or $300 billion..."

How in the world can anyone have any confidence in numbers like that being casually tossed around and varying in a range of over 3000%.

That's a THREE THOUSAND PERCENT range of estimates of how much of other people's money it's going to take to move poor people out of countries that started out below sea level back about 1000 BC--places like Bangladesh and Thailand and even Denmark and the Netherlands.

They want to pass some new world wide taxes on "rich nations" and then run out and do things like build seawalls and dikes and levies and even build houses on stilts that are taller than the stilts the houses are already built on.

What a bunch of highly educated IDIOTS.

I have a suggestion made by my old Comedic Idol Sam Kinison....

Wouldn't it be cheaper to send them Luggage?

And packing crates, moving boxes, and U-hauls?

And give them maps showing flood plains and telling them to get the heck out and move to dry land?

I swear people, if we continue to let these wild eyed, hand wringing, professional victims and their corrupt politicians reach further and further into our economy and YOUR and MY WALLETS, all we're going to get in return for our "investment" is the opportunity to avoid drowning in rising oceans and seas and instead end up drowning in a NEW MAN MADE SEA...

A SEA OF RED INK...


Is it just ME?

Think about it and get back to me when you have the time...

That will be all...for now...

We're Orange Bowling

Broadcasting Live From The Edge Of The Bermuda Triangle...


Well Ladies & Gentlemen, just in case you missed the game, my beloved Georgia Tech Yellow Jacket Football team managed to slip past a determined Clemson Tiger Team last night down in Tampa in the ACC Championship Game.

We had to beat them twice in the same season to get to where we are and I know my fellow Tech Alumni friends in the Upstate of South Carolina will get a little boost out of the silence which is going to ensue for the next nine or ten months.

I didn't know whether to sit down or stand up while yelling until the very end...but they pulled it off and in spite of the loss to the University of Georgia last weekend (and Miami in the second game of the season) it looks like this season's bowl opportunity--the Orange Bowl in Miami January 5th--was not diminished in the process.

In fact, they'd probably end up playing in the Orange even if they were undefeated because Boise State and Texas and Florida and my other favorite team Bama are still ahead of them in the process.

Now all I have to do is figure out how to justify driving down the Florida Atlantic coast and buying a cheap scalper ticket for the game--something that makes absolutely no sense in light of our current employment/income situations.

And I guess that they wouldn't let the Turbo Pup in to watch the game so I guess we'll just end up watching it somewhere on TV.

In other news, in passing (while not paying much attention), I heard that Saturday was the anniversary of the infamous Navy Flight 19's disappearance into what we call today the "Bermuda Triangle" (December 5th, 1945.)

I've never bought into the UFO and ESP and other "space alien black hole" theories relating to that whole set of events, but still one has to wonder what the heck happened to FIVE perfectly good airplanes.

And then on a more somber note I recommend you join me in remembering the anniversary of the Japanese bombing of Pearl Harbor on December 7, 1941.

Fewer and fewer Americans today even have any direct memory of or any close relatives that were alive or were participating in the military during that sad chapter of world history.

It was the equivalent to the 9/11 for the American people during that part of the 20th century...long before the wild eyed peaceful Muslims killed near 3000 people on the East Coast of the US.

If you know a WWII veteran you should take the time to thank them for their service because they're getting to be few and far between and if it were't for their efforts we might be speaking German rather than talking about cooking German dishes on this blog.

Please Pass The Schnitzel, Wurst, & "Rinder Rouladen"

And You Better Super-Size My Lederhosen While You're At It...


Funny thing...

In my cooking adventures over the past ten or fifteen years I've discovered that in order to perfect any given dish I generally have to cook it three or four times in the space of ten days or two weeks in order to understand the process and fine tune the results.

I just can't cook something new and different once and then come back to it six months or a year later--particularly when I might be under the pressure of cooking for guests--and really know what I'm doing and have all of the subtleties and nuances of the flavors involved under control.

For instance, my basic German cooking has progressed from just slopping some canned Sauerkraut into a skillet to heat beside some unidentified sausage to today toasting Caraway seeds in a skillet, rendering some crispy bacon for the grease, and then cooking a premium Kraut down in the grease and some beef or chicken stock until it's tender and brown and serving with some nice hot seared Bratwurst and Knackwurst and two or three kinds of spicy mustard.

Moving a step further, I've been working on the seasoning and breading of Pork and chicken to produce authentic "Schnitzel" (hint...pound the meat flat with a hammer or old shoe or a meat mallet if you have one, then dip in flour, egg wash, and plain cracker crumbs and fry lightly in peanut oil.)

Hey...I think that I just wrote the shortest recipe ever

Ahem...now back to this afternoon's oratory...

Then this week after buying some really nice looking beef tenderloins, in the process of butchering them down into 1-1/4 to 1-1/2" thick steaks I am also cutting out some nice thin "butterfly portions" about a quarter inch thick and tonight I'm cooking a dish called Rouladen (or Rinder Rouladen i.e. German Beef) for the second time in three days.

According to my Internet research it's usually made with round steak or flank steak or some of the other lower cuts of Beef, but since I'm a self proclaimed "steak snob" and I have plenty of Tenderloin handy, here's the Recipe if you want to try it and cook along with me:

German Rinder Rouladen for Two

The Bill of Materials:

2 thin fillets of Beef Tenderloin, butterflyed open and about 3/16" to 1/4" thick
3 or 4 slices bacon-cooked crisp
Dill Pickle spears, cut in half down the middle
Julienned Carrot sticks (optional)
1/4 medium onion sliced thin
1 can beef broth

Spicy mustard
salt
fresh ground black pepper
TBSP or two of flour
1/4 stick of butter
Cooked Egg noodles, or Linguine/Fettuccine pasta, al dente


The Construction Procedure:

Cut your Bacon strips in half and toss them in a heavy skillet on medium heat and cook until they are done and as crispy as you like them, then saute your onion slivers/slices in the left over grease and reserve with the bacon on the side on some paper towels.

Now kick the heat up a little on the skillet and sear your tenderloin butterflies lightly on both sides, being careful not to cook things too done (it's not going to be rare or even medium rare unless you modify the process but still you don't want to make shoe leather out of premium beef.)

Pull them out of the skillet and add your broth and start it simmering, and spread a uniform layer of your mustard on one side of each of the beef slabs.

Add a slice of bacon or bacon crumbles (your choice) and then the dill pickle spear (and carrot slice if you want) and roll the whole thing up and pin it closed with toothpicks.

Doesn't that look yummy?

Now put it in the skillet in your broth and cook covered over low/medium low heat for about 30 to 45 minutes, stopping back by to turn things over after the first 15 or 20 minutes.

When it's all nice and hot you can pull out your Rouladen and sprinkle in a little flour and butter and stir up some gravy from the left over juice.

I plan on serving mine tonight over some Fettuccine (no egg noodles in the building and I'm too lazy to go back to the Grocer) with some warm Red Cabbage slaw on the side.

Enjoy Yall...

The Redneck Gourmet

Strange New World

Snow In Eastern Tennessee...


Hey...who painted the ground white?








Pizza may be breaking out in the Kitchen tonight...

Am I A Grocery Store Junkie?

A Shamefully Short Distance Away From Wearing Sans-A-Belt Pants and Owning My Own Flea Market Booth...


The good news is that we've been eating pretty good here this week at the Turbo Pup Compound on the banks of the Mighty Tennessee River.

The bad news is the freezer compartment on one of my two refrigerators and my Deep Freezer are all FULL of giant portions of meat (and some corn on the cob purchased for $0.10 per ear last fall)....I can't stuff much of anything else in there until we do some more eating.

This week the local Kroger had a "One Day Sale" featuring Snow Crab Clusters for $3.99 a pound and giant chunks of of Beef Tenderloin for $6.99/lb.

I found out about the deals on Sunday and I hate to admit that I spent the week like a kid waiting on Christmas or the Easter Bunny and ended up going to two different nearby Kroger stores in order to spend $100 on crustaceans and prime beef in a single day.

Then last night I started fooling around looking for a creative way to do "surf and turf."

It had to be something that could successfully follow Wednesday's "Chicken Fried Cube Steak" extravaganza I put on and Thursday's "Unofficial Official German Night" where I did Chicken Schnitzel and a funky German beef dish called "Rouladens" that was basically thin butterflied portions of tenderloin stuffed with bacon, mustard, dill pickles, and sauteed onions.

(Don't freak out, it was dang fine food and I know my German fare because I've spent a good deal of time studying Bavarian cuisine.)

So any way, last night I ended up just steaming some crab clusters after soaking them in some water with lemon juice to take the stink off, and then I kicked out some Mongolian Beef served over rice and based on a recipe I found which claimed to mimic the dish served at P.F. Chang's Restaurant.

I intend to write everything up and publish it here on the blogs later this weekend, but right now I'm too tired from sitting up most of the evening beating on a couple of technical problems I'm having on my pneumatic air valve rebuilds.

And don't even get me started about "climategate" and the Obamamaniacs' "Jobs Summit" BS bouncing around in the news.

In the mean time...feel free to entertain yourselves...

Best Intentions

If It Was Easy...Everyone Could Do It...


So if you couldn't tell from my earlier posting, I'm stumped in two basic areas of my current professional endeavors.

I've got a PLC that doesn't seem to want to get along with my temperature probes (or any other analogue input for that matter), and now I have a box load of fancy pneumatic valves that but for a $0.50 part moving out of the way could already be rebuilt and back in a box on a Big Brown Truck on Monday Afternoon.

As I like to say..."WHO'S IDEAS WAS ALL OF THIS ANY WAY?"

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

(DON'T HOLD YOUR BREATH...IT'S STILLL COMING OUT...) Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh


In case you weren't paying attention...you might wonder if I said:

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

OK, here's a translation...for the hearing impaired...

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

And here it is in authentic Chinese...

Huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

here it is in Mandarin (a variation on Chinese?):

EYouuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

and here it is from your lawyer:

Sueeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

here it is in South American (do they have an "official language?")

heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

and here it is in lower Alabama...ian...

yeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEee...haaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

and all of that said, that will be ALL...

FOR NOW...

I'm Off To See The Wizard Buy More Tools

Things Women Should Know...


I'm taking a risk here this morning making this confession, but in the spirit of the Holiday Season I think that I will tender the following insight on male thinking to the fairer sex--for those that haven't already figured it out some time ago (like the week after your Honeymoon.)

A man...rather...a real MAN...will use any given project at any given time as an excuse to purchase a tool.

Maybe several.

And given only the limitations of things like income and credit limits will the size and complexity of the tool be thereby specified and determined (specifications and determinations being beyond the scope of this discussion this morning.)

For instance, say that you are sitting happily in your new house and everyone decided that your gutters and roof need cleaning?

Why settle for this...



when you might possibly talk your wife or girlfriend (or significant other) into letting you buy this...



Or say that you want to rotate the tires on your mini-van once in a while to save $31.97 every six months?

Everyone knows your task could be accomplished with one of these and a couple of jack stands....



But wouldn't this look really cool in your garage or carport (and of course you'd have to buy the ATV's/jet skis and the vintage Camaro just to complete the set...it is...after all...a SET...Honey...



That's exactly the position I find myself in this morning...deciding between the minimal tools I "really need", things I "have to have", and the stuff that would really be cool and if I'm doing it why not go all the way because...

"I'll just end up buying one of "ABC" at some time in the future..."

That said it's time to get moving in the shop and finish the day's "tool purchase list," then head over to Mecca Northern Tool.

(I get all a tingle just thinking about it...)

Weird Internet Stuff

Things Most People Never See...


I have to admit that I've become more than just an Amateur E-Bay Junkie over the past half decade.

Looking around my office I have to ask you who else you know other than me that in the past few years has bought dozens of early original editions of books published before 1900 (Tom Sawyer, Huck Finn, a Bible and a Websters Dictionary among other titles), a real rosewood Chinese Abacus, a Remington "noiseless" portable typewriter built in the late 1930's in excellent condition, numerous vintage engineering text and reference books, and three antique radios all built before WWII (two of which work and one built in the 1920's that's battery powered and will work when I get through with repairing it)?

Sometimes packages show up at my door and I can't even remember what exactly it is that I ordered or won at auction this week.

That said, here's the header from a yahoo E-mail I received this morning from China...about some oscilloscope Probes I ordered (electronic test equipment) on E-Bay.

发件人： Virgil Rogers
发送时间： 2009-12-03 15:47:55
收件人： njlasz
主题： Got the probes

I received your shipment...and gave you a five star rating on E-bay.

Thanks for the gift also.

The guy sent me a little hand woven bangle that sort of looked like the tassel kids wear on their Mortar boards during High School or College Graduation ceremonies.

I've been up most of the night fooling with the PLC project and inspecting another shipment of fancy pneumatic valves I have to rebuild over the next week...so it's time to hit the bed for a while and dream about a trip I have planned to Home Depot, Northern Tool, and Ace Hardware later this morning.

I don't know for sure if it's good thing or a bad thing when you reach the point in life as a man where going to the hardware store is more exciting than going to Hooters to eat wings and drink beer and ogle bawdy lasses with their extremities hanging out of their clothing, but right now I'm lusting after a digital Micrometer, a portable parts wash cabinet, and an adjustable set of snap ring pliers and I don't see much of anything or anyone being capable of deflecting me on my journey.

Regards Y'all

There's An Idiot In Every Crowd

I Just Try To Not Let It Be Me Each Day...


One of the coolest things about living on St. Simons Island was the pet friendly nature of the people and businesses there.

It was almost like they issued dogs when you moved there because almost everyone had at least one four legged family member and even I--having been a cat man for most of my life--ended up getting little Missy the Turbo Pup in February of 2007.

She went EVERYWHERE with us. The beach. The Condo pool. She rode in a basket on Pat's bike or jogged on her leash along side of my bike on the abundant bike trails interlaced around the island.

And perhaps the best thing was that when we got hungry and wanted to eat or just got tired and wanted a drink most of the restaurants had outdoor seating areas and everyone ended up knowing The Turbo Pup and enjoyed watching her grow from 2 lbs to her present 11 pound adult weight.

She was practically a fixture on the patio of the Sea Palms Country Club which was next door to our Condo because we could walk or ride over there in about three minutes and they had a good happy hour and specials food menu.

In fact if I went over to buy a newspaper at noon and didn't bring the Turbo Pup people came outside and inquired about her...they didn't care about me they just wanted to pet my dog.

So any way, things aren't so pet friendly here in Knoxtown, but the good news is that the state passed a law this legislative session allowing local Cities and Municipalities that regulate restaurants to decide if the outdoor patio seating areas will be pet friendly.

A story in today's Knoxville News Sentinel gives me hope of having Missy back in our dining out dinner plans by next spring/summer, but part of the story also makes my head spin because of the position of the mandatory "activist."

I think that there must be a rule or law somewhere that says that there has to be an "activist" present any time more than two people get together and try to do anything (except possibly drink beer...but even then you risk someone from MADD showing up and ruining every ones buzz.)

And you can always spot the "activist" in any proceeding because 9 times out of 10 they're the bleeding heart, emotionally bruised, bleary eyed (and possibly sniveling, booger eating, tree hugging, tye dyed, patchouli stinking) person siting in the back row intent that nothing gets done because it will adversely affect their "cause."

So at this week's meeting of the Knoxville City Council they were discussing the new "Pooches on the patio" ordinance and right on que the lady from the "Mayor's Council on Disability Issues" had to jump out of her chair (or wheelchair I suppose) and "[express] concerns that pet dogs might interfere with service animals used by the disabled..."

All I have to say is..."Give me a %$#@ing break here Lady."

I've lived in West Knoxville for almost two years and I'll swear on a stack of bibles that only once has anyone come into a restaurant with a "service animal" be it a dog or a Monkey or a Possum or a Thompson's Gazelle.

And if they did I would definitely keep our little Turbo Pup away from them because all larger dogs want to generally do is step on her or try to hump her.

You see people, it's like this with all of these "activists"...they want to spread the suffering and misery around.

A few years ago it was smoking in restaurants, today it's "service animals" being distracted in restaurants, coming soon it's 500 pound people oozing over the armrest into your space on an airliner and bitching about having to pay for two seats...

If we left everything up to the "Activists"???

No one but the "handicapped" and "disabled" and "morbidly obese" would go anywhere and do anything.

Instead of the first four parking spaces ON EVERY SINGLE ROW AT HOME DEPOT being handicapped, the whole damn parking lot at Home Depot would be handicapped only and I'd have to ride home on the bus with a load of duct tape, plywood and two by fours.

Am I wrong here, or am I just being my normal insensitive self?

Seriously, I think that if everyone within a five mile radius of our local Home Depot that really needed and deserved a handicapped parking Sticker (which would exclude all of the people that use their Grandma's permits to get good parking spaces at the mall while Christmas shopping) came out today at Noon and bought a load of lumber we couldn't legitimately fill up all of the handicapped parking spaces, yet I'm stuck parking 75 feet from the store and walking past empty spaces because some "activist" got the government to say that for every so many thousand square feet of retail space you have to have a given number of spaces designated for "handicapped parking."

Don't get me wrong here because I believe that people deserve a break and some accommodation for "disabilities," but still the trend to shove every single whim and desire of these hysterical "activists" (and I mean hysterical in a crazy sense not a ha ha funny sense) down everyone's throats has gotten just a little out of control in today's politically correct culture, society, and political climate.

I say the government should get the heck out of the way and let the RESTAURANT OWNERS...private citizens decide if people can bring their dogs around their establishments and still maintain sanitary food service conditions.

If you operate a curbside Cafe and have a large clientele of people with service animals and some guy's Pet Baboon's Purple Snout and Rosy Red protruding Anus makes the "Seeing Eye" Dogs whimper and disturbs peoples enjoyment of their Crepes and Lattes, then let THE OWNER post a sign saying "No Apes with red snouts and protruding genitalia Allowed"

Why should it be up to the government to decide? If the owner lets enough crazy crap go on he'll either develope a share of the market that enjoys the same or can tolerate it else he'll get no business at all. Instead of the government, let the owner and the customers decide.

And you know what else bugs the crap out of me?

People can CHOOSE to not go into an establishment in the first place if there are conditions which they find objectionable.

If you don't want to smell like smoke when you come home from dinner and drinks?

Don't go where people exercise their right to smoke (government's pretty well run over that right already in most states.)

You don't want to see naked women?

Stay out of the Strip Clubs and the ladies dressing room at Belks.

Don't want to see pot bellyed men walking around in tiny little Speedo bathing suits?

Stay off the beach in France or Jamaica.

Don't want to be over run by pimple faced kids blabbing or texting on cell phones?

Stay out of the school teacher business and out of the Mall and Movie Theaters on Saturday Night.

Seems pretty simple to me, how about you?

We don't need a LAW, we just all need to exercise some common sense.

Why should all of the wimps rely on government to pass laws to make every restaurant patio a "pet free zone" when they never set foot in 99% of the restaurants in any given area?

These same people that want the government telling business owners where their clients can park and where and when and if their clients can smoke are the exact same people that would never stick a gun in your ribs and demand money for their health care or food...but they have no problem electing representatives that will pass laws and come to my house and use the threat of DEADLY FORCE to take money from me and give it to them for the exact same purposes.

Right?

All I know is that it's a screwed up world we live in Ladies and Gentlemen, and I have to stop writing now and stop thinking about crap like this before my head explodes.

Y'all have a lovely afternoon...

Was It Something I Said?

Or Didn't Say Yet?


OK ...could I ask everyone to get off of Tiger Woods Ass?

So the King of Golf is reaping what he has sewn over the past few years...wild oats and whatever...and his lovely fashion model/virgin/bride come mother of his children apparently has a temper, BUT...

In my opinion he doesn't owe you or me or anyone else on the planet ANYTHING except to tell you/us to shut the hell up, butt the hell out, and get the hell out of his face, because the entire "incident" occurred on private property...

HIS property.

And the Florida State Patrol and Fox News can go to hell also.

I know that there are people out there that read this blog and complain that I'm "Sexist" and "Racist" and "whatever-ist" but I'm here to defend Mr. Woods to the end as a Gentleman and a Class Act without "acting"...the man couldn't get through 33years without stumbling if he was/is anything other than what his father raised him to be--A Great American.

Speaking from the viewpoint of having learned some really hard lessons in life, I can personally testify that a Women...good ones and bad ones and everything in between...can and will make a man do some crazy crap and I say that Tiger has only to own up to the circumstances and learn a lesson if there is one burried in there.

Everybody else just needs to keep on sweeping around their own front doors and let the man be, in my considered Redneck opinion.

Then again I like to wear black T-shirts and I listen to Pink Floyd and Bob Marley and I think George Wallace might have been a good president if some Liberal Asshole hadn't shot him in a shopping center parking lot in Maryland...



(yeah...GEORGE WALLACE...that will make everyone's head spin...)

Busy Weak Week Ahead

Who's Idea Was This Anyway?


OK...it's Monday after Thanksgiving...

and I hate to be the bearer of bad news but here goes...

Everybody...

yes YOU...

you there reading my rantings....

YOU...hurry up and GET BACK TO WORK so I can get something done today.

You see, I spent most all of last Wednesday afternoon trying to find people in "Tech Support" on the telephone and only the Horner PLC folks were on hand to answer my questions, so as a result I'm a half a week behind on my personal self-imposed schedule.

And I've learned through the grape vine that I have an additional purchase order coming in the door this week on a rush schedule and I'm in the unfortunate position of having to take their money and actually produce something in the process.

So EVERYBODY GET TO WORK!!!

(hey...a vigorous schedule will at least help dump the five pounds worth of turkey weight we all put on while sitting around watching football...)

That will be all...for now...

Oh Well...

Georgia 30...GT 24


The good news is that having followed this team for 32 years, at the end of the day my heart's not broken by a late season loss to our hated cross state rivals.

And it was fun while it lasted, but in typical Georgia Tech fashion the 2009 edition of their football team found a way to sink back from a position of being considered pretty good to being just slightly above average.

Unlike some sports addicts, I know I'm the same man on Monday morning win or lose...something it took a few years to understand in my youth.