Oh...The Humanity...

More Inane Political Correctness


OK folks, first there was the Swastika in the cornfield up in New Jersey that no one could see except from the air:

I resisted commenting about this story for the past few days, but now there is this story about the nearly forty year old Navy Barracks in San Diego that will be rebuilt at taxpayer expense to avoid offending a few people's so-called "sensibilities" because they can see it on Google Earth and other satellite mapping programs:

By the way, I have a money saving suggestion if anyone is willing to listen.

I suggest that they add some canvas awnings and repaint the roof and make the building look like the Mexican Flag:

Pretty slick Idea, huh?

What a nice and pretty red, white, and green.

Much better than the white male dominated, racist, bigoted, mean old red white and blue colors that got the USA through the miserable, impoverished past 231 years of no healthcare and other social injustices.

In an effort to follow my own suggestions, I ate a bunch of beans and rice along with my Tilapia for dinner last night, and using previously untapped supernatural powers I am forcing my colon to continously beam out an image of the Confederate Flag...in wavelenghts that can only be seen in the ultraviolet and infrared spectrum, by people looking down in geosynchronous orbit.

Here's a preview...(don't look if you're easily offended):

Does somebody want to call the government and try to stop me from broadcasting the fumes from my rectum to the general public's sensitive spectrum later this morning?

Then I guess that you won't mind me publishing this formerly non-racist image that has been stolen by morons wearing bed linens on their bodies, skin-heads, and other pseudo-Nazi idiots from the polite citizens of the rural South.

(And by the way, no, I don't believe that the south will rise again...it already has, because almost everyone north of Pennsylvania wants to move down here to retire when they finally get tired of the urban filth, traffic congestion, and ugly winter weather found north of the Mason-Dixon Line.)


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Back On The Jobsite

Me And My Tools Are A Bit Rusty...


Hey Y'all...I have good news.

After almost two months of procrastination and mental diversion, I'm heading back over to "THE JOBSITE" in Brunswick this morning.

I've only spent a couple of days working there since late July, and since my patience and wallet is wearing thin with the delay and misuse of my meager capital investments, I guess that I should stand up and get back to work now so I can sell the place and afford to buy Christmas presents from Big Lots for my Mother and Sister.

If I had my own TV show, instead of "Flip This House," the producers would call my program "Tip This House" or possibly something else original like "The Sit around on your ass while your house falls apart Show."

Regardless, I suspect that both of my adoring viewers would be happy that I'm back on the air (or at least here on the Internet) shortly.

This next trip will be dedicated to fooling around making a list and trying to figure out what else needs to be done for completion, while my right hand man James curses and bitches sitting on top of a step ladder finishing the demolition back in the master bedroom and master bath.

I hope to install a pipe plug and re-rout the plumbing to offset the loss back in early August of less than a dozen feet of copper pipe connecting my hot water heater with the plumbing system.

The Brunswick Police Department has thus far yet to lift an eyebrow when I call them, so I guess that I'll have to resort to mounting machine guns on the roof and manning the premises myself once I near completion and start having things like Dishwashers and Ranges delivered and installed in the new kitchen cabinets.

Things have slid from August to September, but I really believe that if I buckle down and spend the time and money I can have things finished and on the market by November...possibly late October if I give it four or five days a week and hire a couple of friends to work a few days in between.

The good news is that the weather has calmed down and stopped running up to 110 heat index every day and dumping a couple inches of rain on my head every afternoon.

Someone call Al Gore and complain for me if you will, because my mud puddles have dried up and my stock in the Brunswick Rowboat Company is worth about 3 cents right now.

Once A Dumbass...Always A Dumbass

Even If You're Highly Paid


I'm going to refrain from commenting much beyond my introduction, but look at what Michael Vick has been up to recently.


Special conditions placed on Vick after positive marijuana test
Associated Press

RICHMOND, Va. -- Michael Vick is now likely one misstep from jail.

The disgraced Atlanta Falcons quarterback tested positive for marijuana earlier this month, a violation of the conditions of his release as he awaits sentencing in federal court on a dogfighting charge that already jeopardizes his freedom and career.

Now, he's incurred the ire of the judge who could sentence him to up to five years in prison in the dogfighting case. On the day of Vick's guilty plea, U.S. District Judge Henry Hudson warned that he wouldn't be amused by any additional trouble.

Hudson, who will sentence Vick on Dec. 10, on Wednesday ordered him confined to his Virginia home between 10 p.m. and 6 a.m. with electronic monitoring. He also must submit to random drug testing.

If Vick fails another drug test, he likely will wind up like co-defendant Quanis Phillips -- incarcerated since his Aug. 17 plea hearing. Phillips failed a drug test when he had the electronic monitoring and random drug testing requirements.

Vick's positive urine sample was submitted Sept. 13, according to a document by a federal probation officer that was filed in U.S. District Court on Wednesday.


Oh well, you can't say that last month I didn't predict that something like this would happen.

It's really sorta sad.

Hypocrisy

Or Should We Just Call It TREASON?


Did you hear?

There was a big to-do up at Dartmouth College in Hanover, New Hampshire last night.

Some students, potential voters, and a bunch of local Democratic big wigs were probably peeing on themselves in excitement because of the list of VIP's in attendance.

In the end I suspect that some of them left feeling peed on AND pissed off, and as a result MoveOn.Org is probably rattling their George Soros fattened financial coffers in anticipation of mounting additional pressure on each participant because of the spineless cop-out position advanced by the featured speakers regarding troop deployments (or in John Murtha's words--re-deployments) in Iraq.

Does anyone but me find it odd that the "top three" so called Democratic presidental candidates (that would be sHrillary "give 'em the shaft Rodham" Clinton, Barack "I'm Experienced" Obama, and John "$1000 haircut" Edwards) couldn't manage to say that, if elected, that they would immediately bring our forces home to march around and salute each other on bases here on American soil instead of fighting terrorists on their own turf?

Seriously, not one of these two faced weasels would admit that they had a plan that would bring all of the troops home...EVEN BY THE END OF THEIR FIRST TERM AS PRESIDENT IN 2013!!!!!!!

HANOVER, N.H. - The leading Democratic White House hopefuls conceded Wednesday night they cannot guarantee to pull all U.S. combat troops from Iraq by the end of the next presidential term in 2013.

"I think it's hard to project four years from now," said Sen. Barack Obama of Illinois in the opening moments of a campaign debate in the nation's first primary state.

"It is very difficult to know what we're going to be inheriting," added Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton of New York.

"I cannot make that commitment," said former Sen. John Edwards of North Carolina.

WHAT?

Given four years, even the smartest woman in America can't say that she could find a way to get us out of Iraq?

Well then, why the heck do we have a conversation every day with idiots like John sKerry and Ted Kennedy about this exact same issue?

Why the heck do we have a motion per day introduced by Democrats into the US House or Senate demanding troop reductions and funding cuts for military activity in Iraq, when at the same time the leading Democratic Presidential wanna-be's can't answer the question as to how and when they would bring the troops out?

Why the heck do we listen to these people as they lambaste President Bush for increasing troop strengths, then reducing troop strengths, not based on the direction of public opinion or the political winds, but rather on the advice of Military experts like Generals and commanders on the ground in the middle of the conflict?

Could it be because these people don't know SHIT about the effective use of our military?

Can you say STUPID?

Can you say Hypocrisy?

Well, like I said before, I'd just say Treason...

Corporal Gomer Pyle?

Shazam...


This story almost slipped under my radar screen, but I just found out that yesterday the Marine Corp gave an honorary promotion to Jim Nabors.

I'd say that it was way overdue.

I'm Infinitely Bored

And Fortunately For You, I'm Silent...

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Separated At Birth?

Or Just A Concidence...


I watched the fiasco up in New York today. You know, the one over at Columbia University?

I just couldn't stop thinking about this, and I don't need words to tell you.

When it was all said and done, didn't this guy...

end up looking like just another one of these?

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An Ironic Moment Of Silence

Another Funny Guy Passes On...


Master French Mime, Marcel Marceau, died yesterday.




He was one of the few people that never said a word and still made me laugh.


RIP Monsieur Marceau


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Pride Of Pennsylvania

Not One Of His Finer Moments...




Yeah Jack..so you enlisted and that gives you the right to call people names and jump to conclusions.

(Is it just me, or isn't it odd that we're still paying for elevator operators in Washington DC government buildings so that Congressmen and Senators don't have to push the buttons themselves?)

Cinder-henge

I've Found Ancient Island Artifacts...


I was wandering around outside today in my yard and was amazed to find this previously undiscovered structure:

My discovery brought this scene to mind, thus the name of this posting:



Upon further study and investigation, it appears to be some kind of millenia old industrial structure designed by a race of long haired worshipers of the God of Deaireated Boiler Feed Water.

Here's what it probably looked like in the year 1959 BC:

And here's where the God of Propane Fire comes into the picture:



In spite of my best efforts in recreating the ancient rituals, I have to pray and do some more work tomorrow because my spirit isn't in the right place right now.

Oooohhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm......

My Latest Monstrosity

It Looks Like Government Surplus...








In an effort to ensure my attention to quality control, all of my work is supervised by this horrible creature:



Errors will not be tolerated.

Global Warming Weenies Celebrate

Actually they're crying in their Tofu Soup


I just got an E-mail from the National Weather Service saying that the soggy mess that we've been living under for the past few days has moved itself west and gotten organized over the Gulf of Mexico. Here, take a look:

There are actually some people out there who are secretly wishing that this storm will attain Hurricane strength and land back on top of New Orleans as Katrina part II. Of course they'll never admit it in public, but that's about the only thing that can keep this season from being a complete bust for them and their alarmist friends.

Does anyone but me notice that it's September 21st, eleven days past the peak of the 2007 Hurricane season, and this is only the tenth Tropical Depression?

What happened to the record season and killer storms Al Gore and his wild eyed tinfoil hat wearing followers were threatening us with?

This season has been even milder than 2006 was, but that didn't stop even a few normally reputable, well balanced people at NOAA and the Weather Channel from jumping on the human induced climate change bandwagon.

I thought that Global Warming was going to put me and most of NY City under 20 feet of water by Labor Day.

I've resisted writing in detail about what I know about this subject in the recent past, but let's just say that I'm privy to some private writings by people like Doctor Richard Lindzen, a Meteorologist at MIT, whom has been vilified by much of the so-called "scientific community" that supports man made global warming as fact.

The problem is, just because you have a PHD in some discipline like Ancient Indian Toilets or have the word "Scientist" in your job title/job description while you do obscure work in the field of Magneto-Hydrodynamics, doesn't mean that you know BEANS about predicting the weather and analyzing weather data.

In spite of what the "Professor" on Gilligan's Island told you, all smart people don't know everything about everything--particularly technical disciplines needing super computers to tell me it's going to rain tomorrow and then manage to be wrong almost half of the time.

If the weather nerds at the Weather Channel can't tell me today what the temperature is going to be at my house next Monday, how can they be relied on to tell me that it's going to be 1 degree hotter every day of the year twenty years from now?

Well...

I'm waiting for someone to give me an answer...

Yeah, I thought so...

OK, time's up, I've got to go out to the driveway now and try blowing up some copper pipe I'm putting together in the name of science.

Since I can't afford my own Corporate Jet, maybe my propane torch will help me raise my own carbon footprint.

The Juice Is Loose

Who But The Prosecutor Even Cares?


Just watch...

I predict that this murdering asshole will run before it's all over with, and this time it won't be a "slow speed police chase."

Living Off Broadway

Working In The Theater Again...


The ironic thing about our move last month was that I landed here on Alabama Street on our little Island. (I'm FROM Alabama originally...GET IT?)

Around us are streets with other original names like Georgia, Florida, Tennessee, and nearby Broadway that runs parallel to Peachtree Street one block over. I'm not sure if I'm just lost on the globe in the southeastern US, or wandering somewhere in Atlanta sometimes, but then I snap to my senses and remember that we live here in paradise.

Thank GOD...

This morning I'm taking time off from my scientific research to head over to Brunswick to do some stage prep work for my buddies Rob and Heather at the Ritz Theater. I've spent a good deal of time over the past year or so making sawdust on their behalf building Theater sets and things to support their ongoing presentations, and they have some platforms they need put together for an upcoming show and I volunteered to fire up some of my new tools and "get er done.".

I may stop by Lowes or Home Depot and get a few more things to blow up this afternoon, or I may just come home and screw around in the yard doing some pruning and other maintenance that's been festering while I contemplated my research efforts.

Good gosh the weather is wonderful--I can stand outside for a couple of hours and not break a sweat.

Mission Control Photo's

I'm Demanding Comfort In The Face Of Danger...


This afternoon I'm out in the side yard fooling around with a slightly modified apparatus, and things aren't going as planned in this phase.

At least I'm nice and comfortable, having brought in a patio chair and provided myself with a drink and ashtray to support the smoking of a nice Honduran No. 2 Colorado Cigar in the process.

(The big thing in the background with masses of green ferns growing on it is my new friend "Mr. Live Oak Tree" that lives in the middle of our front yard.)

Now instead of slamming my model with 150 PSI air in a single burst, I'm letting the compressor slowly raise the pressure. Things are so banged up and worn out from yesterday's antics that now I'm having to head off to Ace Hardware for some fresh plastic parts.

Can you say "Weird Science?"

THIS JUST IN VIA FOX NEWS:

Here's A Live Video Feed...Put on your safety glasses...

Am I Slightly More Than Slightly Disturbed...Or What?

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Don't Call The Law

I'm Playing Outside...


As I've mentioned before, for the past month or so I've been studying an accident in a laundry and steam plant up in Atlanta that injured two people and caused a good deal of property damage.

Here's a photo of the actual accident scene:

That big white thing in the foreground is a 6" steel condensate pipe with a couple of inches of insulation wrapped around it.

The big round thing in the middle is a 42" diameter condensate receiver that had both flat ends blown off of it during the accident.

What is amazing to us is that both ends let go at once, so my job is to reproduce the accident on a smaller scale without using lethal 110 PSI 300 degree steam and burning my face and legs off in the process.

This morning I went over to Ace Hardware and bought some more brass and PVC pipe fittings, and when I got home I fooled around in my garage for awhile building my idea of a tank model, then I wandered out into an unimproved area of the side yard between our house and a big board fence to the house next door, and here's what I did with my contraption when it was all connected up to my air compressor:




In some places this might be considered against the law, but down here in the south we still call it...

R E S E A R C H.



Dammit...

The Status Is Quo

Things Are As They Should Be...In My Mind...


Well, they locked OJ up again. I'm not sure if he ever really spent one single night in jail before now, but he's truely one stupid negro brother black former pro football player African American if he couldn't manage to run far, far away from the US and US jails after escaping a life sentence back in the 1990's.

I just have to shake my head and chuckle at his silly ass.

Meanwhile, the rain has returned to the Georgia coast and we basically hid inside for half of Saturday and Sunday, and as a result I did manage to get some good cooking done with the production of a Hawaiian Pizza Saturday night and Chicken Piccatta last night. Missy the Turbo Pup made it on Pizza and Pizza crust leftovers quite nicely.

Sunday before it started raining I cranked up the air compressor and tried to make some metal cans blow up in my driveway as part of my forensic work on the Atlanta Westin laundry accident project.

Can you guess which can I've been fooling with from this picture?



(They were both the same height when I started.)

Nothing actually exploded because the air hose fitting came loose, but after a little modification I will probably make a hole in something before the day is out tomorrow.

Would everyone be so kind as to take up a collection for my bond after the GBI and the FBI show up to discuss my operations?

If you don't hear from me for a couple of days, someone send up a flare...

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US Hurricane Season Still A Bust--Part II

Al Gore Still Doesn't Care...


Well, it's looking more and more like everyone should thank me for buying flood insurance for the first time this year.

On not one but TWO residences.

Both are within a couple thousand yards of the Atlantic Ocean...which, by the way, hasn't
risen up and flooded my dog and my bike off the front porch yet.

Wait a minute...

I just checked, and the Turbo Pup is in bed with Pat and the bike is still sitting comfortably where I left it.

Murphy's law working like it does, I suspect that things might have turned out differently if we had just resorted to sitting here with our eyes closed wearing our bathing suits and life preservers.

My generator is still sitting in the unopened box with a dry gas tank. I really want to get it out and play with it, but the salt air down here would probably disolve it into a pile of rust and faded plastic parts if I opened the shrinkwrap so I've resisted the urge.

I looked at the 2 AM forecast which has the latest threat, former tropical storm Ingrid, turning to turn north to die off shore in the cooler waters:




At the risk of jumping the gun, I think that I'll go take a bath in my emergency drinking water in celebration...


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OJ Is Still A Criminal AND an Idiot

After That Realization...Why Does Anyone Actually Care?


I'd like to ask if someone would please call Mike Tyson and Michael Jackson and tell them it's safe to come out again in public?

I think that most of the silly Hollywood bimbos, Alex Baldwin, Sean Penn, and James Brolin might also stick their heads out of their asses the ground if they desire.

I Want To Be A Superhero

Just Call Me "Bitch Slap Man"


I just got of the telephone with Comcast. Their "retention" department.

My forehead has bulging veins and sweat running down it, and my blood pressure is probably somewhere near 200 over 150.

After I let the idiots in the "customer non-service department" charge me for an entire month of cable/Internet service that we didn't need because their records didn't reflect my demand that they cancel the service in my name over at the condo, I just learned that they were going to charge me for another month of service...

just for fun.

So I completed the THIRD CONVERSATION cancelling my service with them and made an Internet payment for another $16.37 for service from 9/8 until today, even as we pay an artificially elevated rate for the same service here in Pat's name because their inept customer service department screwed us when she signed up for new installation.

Either these people are completely and totally feckless and inept, else they're just plain liars and thieves on an institutional basis.

Maybe both descriptions are true.

I told Pat that if things don't settle down a little around here that she's going to end up visiting me in jail, and I'll be the one wearing an orange jumpsuit.

The charge?

Murder.

You see, during this move, in spite of two weeks of advance planning and communication, only one thing worked out as planned--that being the transition on the county water system.

The power company, the cable/Internet company, two moving companies, Renter's Insurance, Flood Insurance, the local telephone company, and our ex-landlord all managed to cost me money one way or the other.

Over three hundred dollars worth of unused, un-needed, and unnecessary crap to date...and without fail, instead of a "so sorry," all we get is a "you're shit out of luck" attitude.

Pay us right now or else we're calling Equifax and Experian.

Taking a big breath...

Now that I've calmed down a little, I suggest that I would probably be more likely to act in a manner that would allow pleading to a reduced charge.

The charge of spontaneous "bitch slapping" people in the public defense would be a possibility.

Yeah, that's the ticket...I could grow arms like the Rubber Man or Professor Gadget so that I can fling my hands outwards something like twenty feet...then I'd just walk around doing my regular thing and when I see someone acting up or taking advantage of another innocent consumer I would take aim and sling my arm at a high velocity in their direction and...

POW!!!

Right up side the head it would land (my hand...that is...)

When the dust settled, they'd be lying on the ground quivering and drooling on themselves, possibly having soiled their pants in the process.

Then they'd wake up and go home with their tail between their legs, put on some clean underwear, and think twice the next time they're sitting at their desk at work being a moron and not doing their job, in the process costing me dozens of dollars which I have to pay as ransom if I don't want them to screw up my credit or have the Repo-Man knocking on my door.

Other than that, everything is just peachy around here.

Dammit...