Travel Blogging Again…

Orlando Here We Come.


Well Folks…once again I’ll be away from my keyboard for awhile, as we will be spending some time in St. Cloud, Florida, a little bit south of Orlando, traveling there after lunch today to spend a long weekend.

Of course I, personally, will be in withdrawal because of the lack of high speed internet access in our host’s home, but I’ll try to make do.

Hopefully the visit with some of Pat’s family and the mini dachshunds Olive and Otis, along with a little time day boating on the adjacent lake Weekiewackahackahackahockekokeockie (OK, its really called East Lake Tohopekaliga…really…it is…look it up on the map), will help motivate me into getting something done all day once we return back here to our little island.

My little girlfriend Olive and I will probably get some quality time in together sleeping on the sofa (Olive actually weighs less than 10 pounds—I’ve had many bigger CATS in my day.)

Hopefully the hurricanes and other natural disasters will stay out of our way and everyone will return on Monday safe and sound.

(And to my regular readers...don't worry, I'm getting up a good head of steam on a couple of subjects and I feel pretty certain that some kind of explosion is about to happen.

Stay tuned to this channel for further developments...)

Hair Brained Idea #243

Basically--I Don’t Know What I’m Gonna Do When I Finally Grow Up


OK…it’s employment update time, so let’s take a quick look at the list so far this summer.

Rocket Scientist…OUT

Brain surgeon…OUT

News Reporter…OUT (after giving the Senior editor of the local newspaper a piece of my mind for their coverage of my K-Street Tree Project)

Fry Cook Chef…OUT (after Allan re-hired a previous experienced employee that became available at the last minute--no hard feelings, however.)

Now as to my latest enterprise...

Yesterday I learned that “Miss Property Manager”, the lady that owns the company which oversees the daily operations here in our condo development, was convicted in State Court of numerous counts of theft by taking, intellectual property theft, and a number of other misdeeds.

Needless to say that all of my fellow Condo board members heads are about to explode because of the news.

As a result, today at 2:00 PM I had a meeting with a friend of mine that has his Real Estate Broker and Real Estate Property Management licenses and we talked about using little old ME as a new employee to bid on offering replacement property management services to our condo property.

I've previously mentioned that I’ve been effectively running and managing this place for the past two and one half years for free, haven’t I?

So far I’ve done everything but sign the checks and empty the trash cans, and we currently pay Ozzy for the trash services.

Any way, Bruce and I are talking and, since I’m already here 24/7, it makes sense to make an offer and try to use his existing Real estate company as a vehicle to get us started in the property management business.

When you look around down here, everyone in that segment of the market basically SUCKS, while at the same time they’re busy as heck because of the limited options available to property owners.

I just might be on to something here…

Hey Mr. Trump, you better be lookin’ over your shoulder.

Things Are Warming Up A Little

Don't Worry...I'm Watching Out For Everyone...


I just got this in an E-mail for NOAA National Weather Service in the past hour this morning, and I thought that I would share it with eveybody so that they would officially know what a useless nerd I am:

000
WTNT44 KNHC 230842
TCDAT4
TROPICAL STORM DEBBY DISCUSSION NUMBER 7

NWS TPC/NATIONAL HURRICANE CENTER MIAMI FL AL042006

500 AM EDT WED AUG 23 2006

THE SATELLITE APPEARANCE OF DEBBY CONTINUES TO IMPROVE AND A 0331 UTC AQUA MICROWAVE OVERPASS DETECTED A FAIRLY WELL ORGANIZED SYSTEM...WITH WELL DEFINED BANDS AROUND THE CENTER.

DVORAK INTENSITY ESTIMATES ARE 45 KT FROM SAB...AND 35 KT FROM TAFB AND
AFWA.

THEREFORE...THE INITIAL INTENSITY IS INCREASED TO 40 KT. THE INITIAL MOTION ESTIMATE IS 295/14.

DEBBY IS CURRENTLY BEING STEERED WEST-NORTHWEST TO NORTHWESTWARD AROUND THE SOUTHWESTERN PERIPHERY OF A MID-TO UPPER-LEVEL RIDGE CENTERED NEAR THE AZORES.

THE RELIABLE TRACK MODELS ARE TIGHTLY CLUSTERED...MAINTAINING THIS MOTION THROUGH THE NEXT 48 TO 72 HOURS. AT DAYS 4 AND5...GLOBAL MODELS DEVELOP A SIGNIFICANT WEAKNESS IN THE RIDGE AS A MID- TO UPPER-LEVEL TROUGH AMPLIFIES OVER THE CENTRALATLANTIC. THE TRACK DIFFERENCES SEEN IN THE THE GLOBAL MODELS APPEAR TO BE THE RESULT OF DIFFERENCES IN THE FORECAST STRENGTH OF THE TROPICAL CYCLONE.

THE UMKET MODEL DEPICTS A MUCH WEAKER SYSTEM AND IN TURN TRACKS IT MORE WESTWARD...WHILE THE GFS AND GFDL MODEL SHAVE A STRONGER CYCLONE WHICH FEELS THE EFFECTS OF THE TROUGH AND TURNS NORTHWARD NEAR THE END OF THE PERIOD.

THE NOGAPS TRACK SEEMS UNREASONABLE BECAUSE IT RESULTS FROM AN UNREALISTIC DISSIPATION OF THE LOW-LEVEL CIRCULATION AND REFORMATION OF THE SYSTEM FROM A MID-TO UPPER-LEVEL LOW TO THE WEST. THE OFFICIAL TRACK FORECAST IS VERY CLOSE TO THE PREVIOUS ADVISORY THROUGH 72 HOURS. THEREAFTER...IT HAS BEEN SHIFTED SLIGHTLY TO THE RIGHT IN GENERAL AGREEMENT WITHTHE GFS...GFDL...AND THE FSU SUPERENSEMBLE SOLUTIONS.

DEBBY WILL BE ENCOUNTERING DRIER MID-LEVEL AIR AND SLIGHTLY COOLERSSTS OVER THE NEXT 36 HOURS OR SO...WHICH SHOULD KEEP INTENSIFICATION SLOW IN THE NEAR TERM. THEREAFTER... THE CYCLONE WILL BE PASSING OVER WARMER SSTS...BUT SHEAR IS FORECAST TOSTRENGTHEN WHICH MAKES FOR A DIFFICULT INTENSITY PREDICTION.

THE NHC FORECAST BRINGS DEBBY TO HURRICANE STRENGTH IN 4 DAYS...WHICH IS VERY CLOSE TO THE CONSENSUS OF THE GFDL AND SHIPS...BUT IS LEVELED OFF IN DEFERENCE TO THE POSSIBILITY OF INCREASING SHEAR.

FORECAST POSITIONS AND MAX WINDS INITIAL

23/0900Z 15.9N 30.1W 40 KT 12HR VT
23/1800Z 16.9N 32.2W 45 KT 24HR VT
24/0600Z 18.2N 35.0W 50 KT 36HR VT
24/1800Z 19.6N 37.9W 50 KT 48HR VT
25/0600Z 21.0N 40.8W 50 KT 72HR VT
26/0600Z 24.0N 46.5W 60 KT 96HR VT
27/0600Z 27.5N 51.0W 65 KT120HR VT
28/0600Z 30.0N 53.0W 65 KT

FORECASTER BROWN


I sure feel better knowing all of that, don't YOU?

Live Blogging From "The Cone Of Death"

Well...Actually...We're just Almost In The "Cone of Death"


I guess that Al Gore and the balance of the liberal eco-tree-hugger-global-warming nuts all have their panties boxers wet now, because the first major blip on the radar of the Cape Verde part of the summer hurricane season has recently formed and is moving this way as I write.

Here's the latest map of its predicted progress:

Of course you do realize that this is just Tropical Depression #4 of this Hurricane season that began in late May or early June?

What’s up with that?

Last time I listened to the blithering mainstream media idiots and the other liberal nay-sayers, they were guaranteeing that Condi Rice and President Bush would by now be personally responsible for pounding every third world island in this hemisphere and every minority neighborhood within 100 miles of the coast of the southern US with Katrina-like monsoonal flows of wind and rain, all the time parking fleets of school buses within arms reach just to show their contempt for minorities and other “po folks”?

FEMA and the Red Cross would have orders to look the other way.

I guess that their celebrations can now begin...

Being the pompous, middle aged, white male that I am, I believe that I’ll just sit here luxuriating (or is that "luxurinating") in the knowledge that this storm will probably either:

A. Fizzle out.

B. Turn further north and attack Bermuda

C. Turn south and assault my blog buddy Steve down in south Florida

D. Screw around with all of you kids up in NY and Connecticut.

E. Scare the heck out of me if it makes it this far across the Atlantic.

My point is this...I really don't care, because I've lived in the south, adjacent to the Atlantic Ocean and the Gulf of Mexica, all of my life.

Nothing has really changed.

There are still drunken kids on vacation driving sports cars up and down the beach roads threatening the safety of pedestrians and other drivers.

There are still people piloting boats offshore and in the inland waterways that have no practical seamanship skills or nautical knowledge.

There are still the usual arrogant assholes stumbling around acting like they own the place when they visit great grandmama's condo for a long weekend every other year.

Where's the medias' warnings and outrage over those hazards?

In my view, the only thing that's consistent, is the consistent inconsistency.

So why should you and I get all worked up?

Just go with the flow is my motto.

After the last hurricane season, there were all kinds of dire predictions about “killer storms” and some kind of relationship to “global warming” increasing the frequency and intensity of the resulting storms.

I’ve been saying a hearty “bah humbug” to everyone running around out there screaming such nonsense, while at the same time realizing that the southern Georgia coast and specifically St. Simons Island is statistically DUE to bear the assault of a hurricane in the coming years.

The last one was in 1964, the last real scare was in 1999, and in the late 1800’s the entire island and the city of Brunswick was under over a dozen feet of water as a result of nature’s wrath.

Excuse me, but maybe I'll think about wandering around locating my flashlight and some batteries now...

I Guess That I've Acted Myself "OUT"

And Thereby Built My Own Purgatory


I’m getting all antsy these days—wanting to get back up on stage and do some entertaining.

The only problem is, my harmonicas sit around the condo in what was once a hard plastic case for my pistols, and almost everyone that I’ve met down here in the “community theater” business is either a total lazy asshole of a man, else they are a big giant sweating overweight woman going though menopause that thinks that they can act, sing, and dance—and regardless of their ability, they (the aforementioned hairy assholes and psychopathic sets of mammary glands) exercise control over most of the theater stages around this part of the Georgia coast.

I’ve learned to not get in their way over the past couple of years, doing things the hard way.

My problem is that I know that I can’t dance and have no intention of learning, but that I want to learn more about acting and want to have the opportunity to do same, and I guarna-damn-tee you that I can out sing virtually every single body that shows up at an theater audition with men’s sized shoes, bearing a set of Testicles somewhere between their knees.

Doesn't matter...you got to PAY to get up there on stage.

You got to be willing to put up with INSANITY.

In my experience, it's worse than being married to a half dozen crazy women, and possibly a couple of "straight" guys.

I say "straight" because if the guys were GAY, at least they would smell good (and they could definitely dance and possibly sing while they're at it...)

But I digress...

I also screwed up the pre established, yet hyper-ineffective, pecking order a couple of years ago with my efforts in the theater set construction department.

Therein lies my current problem.

See, if you actually know SOMETHING about what you're talking about or are attempting to do most of the time, you get into trouble around here. I, on the other hand tend to avoid interjecting myself into the process when I know beforehand that I'm totally USELESS.

Everyone else seems to not know ANYTHING about the proceedings, but though the process of knowing all of the correct PEOPLE and endlessly hanging around the building; running all of the other much more qualified persons away, they manage to get their ill-fated opportunities…BY DEFAULT

Thus, my dilemma...I sit here at home for most of the theater season, wasting away hiding my talent(s) under a bushel basket, while our local theater companies stage musical plays featuring a boat load of untalented idiots that can’t act nor sing nor dance.

Isn’t the world a strange place to live in?

So sorry…I was just suffering from a moment of weakness and self pity…

It Would Seem That Sir Winston Is Writing About ME?

If The Shoe fits...


It was a pity that one, thus gloriously free from the ordinary restraining influences of human society, should have found in his own character so little mental ballast.

His moods were capricious and uncertain, his passions violent, his impulses sudden and inconsistent.

The mortal enemy of the morning had become a trusted ally before the night.

The friend he loved to-day he loathed to-morrow.

Scheme after scheme formed in his fertile brain, and jostled confusingly together.

All in succession were pressed with enthusiasm. All at times were rejected with disdain. A temperament naturally neurotic had been aggravated by an acquired habit of smoking; and the General carried this to so great an extreme that he was rarely seen without a cigarette.

His virtues are famous among men; his daring and resource might turn the tide or war; his energy would have animated a whole people; his achievements are upon record; but it must also be set down that few more uncertain and impracticable forces than Gordon have ever been introduced into administration and diplomacy.

Here...Read This...

Good God I Wish That I Could Write Like Sir Winston Churchill


Here's Sir Winston's description of some British military operations conducted in the late 19th century in the northern African Country of the Sudan, adjacent to the Nile River:

As the severity of military operations increases, so also must the sternness of discipline.

The zeal of the soldiers, their warlike instincts, and the interests and excitements of war may ensure obedience of orders and the cheerful endurance of perils and hardships during a short and prosperous campaign.

But when fortune is dubious or adverse; when retreats as well as advances are necessary; when supplies fail, arrangements miscarry, and disasters impend, and when the struggle is protracted, men can only be persuaded to accept evil things by the lively realisation of the fact that greater terrors await their refusal.

The ugly truth is revealed that fear is the foundation of obedience. It is certain that the influence of General Gordon upon the garrison and townspeople of Khartoum owed its greatest strength to that sinister element.

'It is quite painful,' he writes in his Journals in September, 'to see men tremble so, when they come and see me, that they cannot hold the match to their cigarette.'

Yet he employed all other methods of inspiring their efforts. As the winter drew on, the sufferings of the besieged increased and their faith in their commander and his promises of relief diminished.

To preserve their hopes--and, by their hopes, their courage and loyalty--was beyond the power of man. But what a great man in the utmost exercise of his faculties and authority might do, Gordon did...


Ten thousand men had thus been killed in the space of three months in the Eastern Soudan. By the discipline of their armies the Government were triumphant. The tribes of the Red Sea shore cowered before them.

But as they fought without reason, so they conquered without profit.


Do these word's not adequately describe some of the goings on which we all see in the world today?

I think so, but Sir Winston wrote these words way back in 1902 in a book called THE RIVER WAR--An Account of the Reconquest of the Sudan.

Click on the link and go LEARN something this morning, if you will...

Note To Self…

What’s Not To Understand here?


My eyes have glazed over and my brain has just about shut down from listening to the latest chapter of the JonBenet Ramsey Saga.

Why are we all being tortured this way?

No matter what happens, this cute little girl is dead, Dead, DEAD, and absolutely nothing can change that FACT after almost TEN years.

I want Gretta Van Damn Sustren and the rest of the media to give it a rest already.

Just like the more recent Natalee Holloway sensation, in both stories, the only thing that we are missing is the WEAPON.

I, personally think that the MURDERORS were each girl’s parents—specifically the so-called MOTHERS. They forced or otherwise allowed beautiful young girls to flounce around on the world stage like trollops, and—like flies to honey—the predators arrived and swept their children away.

Now, instead of enjoying the college careers of their daughters, ( JonBenet would be 16 years old this year and Natalee would be 20) Mrs. Beth Holloway Twitty and the recently departed Patsey Ramsey have nothing to show for their parenting efforts, and the rest of the world is collectively scratching their heads and asses trying to figure out what went wrong.

It seems pretty simple to me…

Parenting looks so easy from a distance.

I just barely managed to live thorough my own childhood, and would have never made it if it were not for my own wonderful parents.

At least I've had enough sense to not reproduce myself and, as a result, I don’t have any kids of my own to place at risk because of my stupidity…

But then again, in the end, without the responsibility and experience...who am I to argue?

I Are “The Pool Nazi”

Careful what you ask for…


This morning, for the second time in a week, I found someone sleeping in a vehicle or otherwise clandestinely using our parking lot without permission.

Earlier in the week I found a contractor that I knew was supposed to be working in a condo in our building sleeping in his Ford Van, with the drivers’ door open and the inside cockpit lights on.

After much consideration, I decided to cut him a break and not call the police since I knew that he belonged here and hadn’t caused any trouble thus far, and when I woke him he respectfully jumped up and removed himself from the public venue.

Tonight things were a little different, however.

I wandered outside about 4:30 AM for my morning swim, and to my surprise I found that there was a pickup truck sitting parked in front of the pool house with the engine running and the parking lights on.

Having been young once myself a few hundred years ago, I was willing to give the occupants the benefit of the doubt as I made myself and my presence in the pool area painfully obvious.

Silence.

Next I started feeling nervous, and the presence of the pickup and its occupant(s) or pants-less occupant(s) began to interfear with my morning ritual.

So I rattled around again like I was supposed to be there and was unaware of their presence.

Finally, I heard doors slamming and muffled voices and after a few minutes a young twenty something guy appeared, proceeded to ignore me while he darted into the men’s restroom in the pool house. He grunted something unintelligible as he answered my greeting and slammed the door.

A few moments later, upon his exit, I said “You’re welcome to use our facilities, but if you don’t belong here you need to leave NOW.

His answer?

"F**k you...."

"OOOOhhh Keeeee Dhooooo Keyyyyyy…Mr. personality" ran through my own head...

"You obviously don’t know who (or whom…I can never get that phrase straight) you are dealing with. "

I, being the self proclaimed “Condo Pool Nazi”, simply collected my posessions, saundered back to the condo, placed a non-emergency call to the Glynn County Police Department, and within about twenty minutes he (that would be “Mr. personality”) and his girlfriend were surrounded by two police cruisers, having police officers' flashlights illuminating their un-suntanned lily-white derieres as they tried to reinstall their underwear and other clothing.

Surprisingly enough, everyone was released without further incident as the embarrassed young female (I’m pretty sure I know who it was, and she weren’t where or with who (or whom) she was supposed to be with) sprinted back to her condo and the so-called 'gentleman" hurriedly drove away.

I guess that no one was drunk or had any other legal problems because the officers left empty handed. I watched, with a certain amount of mirth and satisfaction, the entire episode from the safety of my front patio.

Here's the moral of the Story (for those that don't know me or are otherwise not paying attention):

I'm normally a pretty understanding, cool guy, BUT...

don’t be coming to my neighborhood directing the “F” word at me, unless you are prepared to deal with the consequences...

After all, this is.........Mr. ROGERS' NEIGHBORHOOD

Plastic Pots

Give Me Terra Cotta


Here's a tip for everyone out there who want's to eventually retire and move to the beach to live.

My advice only takes three words...READY?

"Heavy Flower Pots."

Simple enough?

Here's the thing...Since we moved down here to our little island, we've managed to accumulate a couple of dozen tropical plants--Palms, Ferns, Spider Plants, etc.--and they almost all came from the store in undersized plastic pots.

No problem, I figured that we'd just buy new, bigger pots, some potting soil, and replant after the first season.

My first mistake was to buy ornamental, yet cheep, plastic pots for the replacements.

Did anyone but me not know that a 6' palm tree could fly, attached to a cheep plastic pot, when influenced by the average wind velocity found within a mile of the shoreline on a normal day?

Today is one of those days, and I'm spending my time wandering around picking up plants that have been upset by the pseudotropical squall that has developed off of the Georgia coast over the past couple of days.

My point is this...do yourself a favor and buy real pots for your plants, they'll be a lot happier and you won't get the extra exercise chasing them around your patio and terraces.

Quiet

Sometimes You Just Have To Be That Way...


Don't worry because I’m not writing a bunch of angry stuff right now.

There's nothing wrong with me, I'm just enjoying BEING right now.

Why don’t you folks go out and find your own crazy stuff to bitch and complain about this morning if you need to.

I'm just sitting here on our little island… acting like I’m on vacation.

And I’m thinking how good it is that at least I don’t live in Cuba, Israel, or over in Lebanon (not to mention New Jersey or New York City) where I would have to worry about locking my doors at night or having a rocket land in my living room floor, thereby damaging my nice wool rug or something…

Know What I mean?????


Chill…y’all

Toasting Events To Come--The FOG Of War

"Crumpets, Cream and Honey..."


Just try finding THIS in the NY Times:

A Lebanese general was ordered arrested Wednesday for appearing in a videotape drinking tea with IDF soldiers who had occupied his south Lebanon barracks during their incursion of the country.

Adnan Daoud was summoned and ordered held for questioning, Interior Minister Ahmed Fatfat said in a statement. Daoud is commanding officer of the 1,000-strong joint police-army force that had positions in southern Lebanon and was based in Marjayoun.

Yeah, I thought so...

Elvis Is Still Dead

But I'm Feelin' Pretty Good Myself...


For those not paying attention or that otherwise don't care, "The King" died on this day 29 years ago--that would be August 16, 1977.

I almost pulled off that trick Myself last year on this day--what a difference a year makes.

I wasn't really a big Elvis fan, but I did respect how he demonstrated what a poor southern boy could manage to do if he played his cards right and put his mind to it.

At least he didn't do the Jane Fonda, Sally Strouthers, Barbara Streisand psycho-politicalo babble thing like actors and entertainers do today.

From one son of the south to another, I offer a hearty and sincere...R.I.P. Mr. Presley...

You Gotta Laugh...

Or You'll End Up Crying


I've set here watching FOX news most of the day.

They're showing that Dulles bound United Airliner sitting on the Runway at Logan Airport, surrounded by law enforcement and emergency vehicles, with dogs running around sniffing the luggage that is all scattered out on the ground around the airplane.

What kills me is that they're telling two stories on what possibly happened to cause the incident/diversion.

Either:

A. Some woman lost composure in a claustrophobic conniption fit and had to be restrained.

OR...

B. Some woman did "A" above, then was found to be in posession of (gasp) a screwdriver, a jar of Vaseline, and a note with references to a terrorist group. (If it was me, I'd choose WD40 rather than Vaseline.)

I have just one question...

WHICH IS IT...DAMMIT?

Why bother to report BOTH stories instead of waiting until the facts in the story come out?

The media is so STUPID.

So let's get a look at the total costs so far here...

One runway at a major airport closed for 12 hours

Two F-16's (or F-15's) scrambled for escort

About two hundred people wasting their time for at least an extra half day.

99% of the country completely clueless for the duration of the coverage.

This type of crap makes my head spin.

By the way, let me remind you that if you get on an airliner with me with your screwdriver, Vaseline and "scribbled memos to self" and start freaking out or otherwise acting up, the real news story is not going to be about YOUR behavior, it's going to be about ME strangling the life out of your miserable body.

You all have a NICE day now...

The Insanity Continues

“BUT Officer…it was only a couple of Grenades, an AK-47, and a LITTLE plastic explosive…”


Look at this most recent crap developing in the Middle East, as reported by this morning’s Jerusalem Post:

The IDF will have to resume operations in Lebanon if the expanded United Nations force being assembled does not fulfill its obligation to dismantle Hizbullah, an official in the Prime Minister's Office warned on Tuesday.

Lebanese Prime Minister Fuad Saniora and Hizbullah leader Hassan Nasrallah reportedly reached a deal allowing Hizbullah to keep its weapons but refrain from exhibiting them in public. Israeli officials called the arrangement a violation of UN Security Council Resolution 1701, which passed over the weekend and was approved on Sunday by the cabinet.

I can just hear it--the excuses--now…


“Oh, those are just family heirlooms…Grandpapa’s WWIV artifacts…”

“…those aren’t actually rocket launchers, those are spare pipes for the church Mosque organ…”

Imagine the hooplah and uproar if you and I wanted to stockpile a few fun little toys in our basements here in the US, and expected it to be considered legal as long as we didn't try to take them out for a test drive every once in a while?

"...it's not a Abrams Tank, its just a big old bug zapper...and we don't actually plan to use it Mr. Annan..."

I swear an oath on the bible (the King James Version is my preference) that I’m trying my very best to limit the tone of my political commentary these days because I know that I am apt to offend some readers here, and in my third year of blogging I’m trying to get my readership up, BUT…

…if my pointing out of the feckless, obtuse, incompetent, useless (pick another five words here) results that are already coming about after only TWO DAYS as a result of the passage of UN Resolution 1701 calling for a “cease fire” between Lebanon and Israel is any example…

PREPARE TO BE SEVERELY OFFENDED IF YOU KEEP STOPING BACK BY HERE!!!

My Own Million Dollar Answer

I Am A Genius


Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen, I feel like I can finally rest easy this evening.

I've solved my own personal dilemma regarding the so called "airport security" issue(s) which we each face to a varying degree each and every day.

I thought about it for a while, and then it occurred to me that the solution was quite simple.

The next time I have to travel by Delta or AirTran or the other airliner du jour here in the good old US of A, I’ll just go to the airport looking like this:

I should breeze right through security, and they might even let me sit in the third seat in the cockpit if I wield my boxcutter...er...um...play my cards right.

I have to give the folks over at the Al Hannah Website credit for the image of my lovely ensemble of Muslim attire (but that is my real face stuffed in there under the Green Turban.)

Don’t YOU like the idea?

Well then guys, don’t forget to stop by and pick up something for your Concubines or seventy two virgins while preparing to make your way to paradise.

I'll be the guy sitting there signing copies of my BBQ Pork cookbook in the lobby...shouting things like "ALLAH BE PRAISED"...

"GO YOU &%#$*@ YELLOW JACKETS"...

and "ELVIS JUST LEFT THE BUILDING ON A UFO"...

You know...things which someone would say if they have a bad case of "Turette Syndrone".

Then again, you know me...and I don't actually need that kind of excuse...

Orbital Rotational Velocity…Again

That’s How I Would Describe My Head This Morning


OK, take a look at this story about proposed changes in airport passenger screening in the United Kingdom, then when you are done click over on this link and read this story with the headline saying “Israel Humbled By Arms From Iran.”

Anyone but me notice a common theme here?

I call both stories excellent examples of what I call “liberal and liberal media armchair quarterbacking."


Think about it with me for a minute.

Israel could have fired up their military and bombed and shelled the crap out of the entire country of Lebanon, outflanking Hezbollah in a manner of weeks if not days, but also killing tens or hundreds of thousands of presumably innocent civilians that have aided and abetted tolerated the “militants” within their midst for the past twenty years.

Dead people would be piled up like cordwood, and Israel would have eliminated Hezbollah, (in the words of Barney Fife—nipped it in the bud), but the NY Times and John Murtha and the two idiot senators from Massachusetts would have crapped their pants and publicly had heart attacks in the process.

The balance of the media and most of the United Nations ambassadors would have gotten out their butter knives, put on their bicycle helmets, and personally escorted Cindy Sheehan’s recently expired corpse to Arlington National Cemetery.

Why?

Because the media and the liberals want no wars to be fought with anything but kid gloves. It’s like handing kids a football and saying “have fun, but don’t go out and score any touchdowns and please don’t tackle anybody in the process of not scoring.”

What the hell?

So there Israel sits this morning, while the Telegraph newspaper laments how they were thwarted by a bunch of freedom fighters and “robin hoods” brandishing BB guns supplied by Iran.

If I were managing things in Israel, I’d be pulling out immediately and aiming my sights on Syria and Iran, but (un)fortunately I’m relegated to safely sitting around drawing and painting and taking pictures of frogs here on the Georgia coast, and my opinion doesn’t matter.

That next story makes me laugh out loud, because even the Brits are spazing out worrying about “profiling” and hurting people’s feelings by selecting young dark skinned Arab men with scraggly beards wearing various forms of household linen fabric on their head for additional screening.

I have an excellently eloquent, simple solution for anyone that might warrant the increased scrutiny of airport personnel and not want to risk having their tender sensibilities offended.

Remember that flying is OPTIONAL—particularly on privately owned airliners?

D-R-I-V-E.

Or if there is a lake or ocean between your home and your travel destination, TAKE A BOAT…preferably your own.

You have my hearty permission to blow IT up and make a somewhat more muted religious statement in the process.

Otherwise, when you present yourself at the security gate with your carry on luggage full of cell phones and “modified” sports drinks, expect to have to remove your sandals, your headgear, and have your flowing gowns patted down because I personally am not averse to being screened in a similar manner and I don’t want to be seen on CNN hanging on a life preserver on a cable under a helicopter being rescued as a result of your wild eyed Jihad efforts.

See, the media and the liberals and the liberal media (I think that I just repeated myself) want us spending our time and money looking for weapons and explosives, not looking for the terrorists that use them, BUT...

The next time something and someone blows up and comes falling out of the sky or smoldering out of a subway system somewhere, the media headlines will be screaming:

"Bush Administration's Efforts thwarted by angry Saudis..."

I'm RIGHT and you know it...Oh..Oh...OH...AHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhh........



That will be all, for now…I gotta go take a nap.

I Told You So

Hezbolla At It Again Still


I mentioned this in my rantings on Sunday, and by Monday night, less than 24 hours after the UN solicated “Cease Fire went into effect, I was proven RIGHT.

Ten rockets and/or mortar rounds were fired into southern Lebanon by the "Cease-Firees" in the north. Israel did not retaliate because as is generally the case, no one was hit. They did have to shoot and kill a half dozen "militants" that approached checkpoints in a threatening manner and refused to put down their weapons.

This can't keep happening, folks, even if the numbers fall down to one or two rockets a day, I expect the UN's blue helmeted "multinational forces" to turn tail and run, and the toothless Lebanese Army folks will probably beat them out of the area if they don't decide to join Hezbolla themselves.

Don't get me wrong here...I hope that somehow a new UN "resolution" will finally be worth the paper and computer screens that it's written on, but then again...

I'm not holding my breath.

A Man's Gotta Do What A Man's Gotta Do

For ME, That Would Seem To Sometimes Just Be Totally Useless--And I'm Good At It...


After spending most of last night doing research regarding the Federal Grant programs I'm interested in for the City of Brunswick and for some Mediterranean recipes I'm interested in cooking for the other blog, I was rousted out of bed at about 8:30 AM this morning by a phone call.

It was my buddy, Bryan Thompson, Mayor of Brunswick on the line.

While I think that it's pretty cool to be on a first name basis with the local politicians, I generally find the hours around lunchtime and thereafter to be considerably more conducive when it comes to me having a coherent conversation.

I managed to ramble through the ten minute dialogue, and the bottom line is that the City isn’t quite ready to apply for grant funding on the behalf of our “K-Street Tree Project”, and they’ve lost their person that was responsible for doing grants and didn’t want me to go off half cocked by myself, Sooooooo….

We will miss the August 14th deadline here in a few minutes.

The good news is, they still like the park idea and the tree idea and we have yet another meeting scheduled for early September at City Hall.

I have to admit that I was both disappointed and relieved at the same time.

To celebrate, I cooked a hearty Mexican dinner for Pat and I, then Pat lounged on the sofa and in the bed while I wandered down to “Open Mike” night at a local tavern.

A little singing, a little harmonica playing, and a little ego enhancing applause ensued.

Dang I’m getting rusty in the harp playing department, I need to start practicing again now that I might have an opportunity to play regularly.

Just In Case You Wanted To Know

I'm Getting Even Crankier...


For some technical reason, I can't make the image I've done with Photoshop upload early this morning, so I'll have to paraphrase the new sign I'm considering hanging over at the pool house.

I'm going to make a nice stencil here in the condo, run out in the middle of the night to paint the current sign solid white, then paint in big bold red letters the following message:

"Welcome to our neighborhood pool.

Please feel free to enjoy it...

then leave it like you found it...

DAMMIT.

And by the way...any unattended children,

under the age of twenty, will be

captured and sold as slaves."


I think that should settle things quite well...

UPDATE: Here's My Sign