When Life Gives You Lemons Jellyfish

Make Lemonade Peanut Butter & Jelly(fish) Sandwiches...


OhHHHH...where to start writing this evening???

OK...

I know...

I had a pretty productive day, when it was all said and done I guess.

I got all of the ceiling electrical wiring finished in the "Wee Pub" by about 2 PM, so now I have two separate dimmer light circuits--one over the bar area and another in the seating/dart area--which are all hooked up ready for the ceiling skin to be installed.

On the computer/computing front, the old HP laptop is still belching and farting a little but most of the problems are Internet search engine related..AutoCAD and my other technical programs all work fine.

It was blistering hot here today, with the backyard weather station indicating about 93 degrees F at 4 PM before we had a little pop-up rain shower that cooled things off a little.  The temperature was enough of an excuse to keep me from doing anything but peeking outside until it was time to run out at quitting time to do some errands and catch a couple of cocktails at happy hour.

Then left over Pizza and Grilled Boston Butt were served for dinner to clean out the Fridge.

I actually had time to do a little professional writing (don't get excited...it was a PLC Controller owners' manual) and now this evening I'm all mellow and calm and managed to wander around the Internet looking for silly stuff to write about.

To that end, my regular readers know I like to pick on a number of seasonal news stories that the Lamestream Media writers keep in their lockers or under their seat cushions (which can also be used for flotation devices) and that they trot out almost every year--on que--depending on the month and date on the calendar.

This year so far we've had "Record Winter Weather" (in spite of Owl Gore's Global Warming), then "Killer Tornadoes 'Targeting' Population Centers", and now that summer is upon us???

Get ready...

Not Hurricanes...

You Ready?

Not Shark Attacks...

Really Ready?

Not Skin Cancer from going to the beach and tanning booths...

Really, really, Really REALLY Ready?

OK, this year we we need to stay home or run back to our ocean front Condos because we already have Jellyfish Hordes Crash(ing) Florida Beach Parties.

I almost spit my wine onto the computer screen and peed my pants when I saw the headline. Here's a sample of what we all need to be "afeared of" this beach season:

Ah, summer: the lazy, hazy time when Americans adjourn to beaches in droves to soak up the sun--and this year, at least, to get stung by jellyfish.

More than 800 people at beaches along Florida's Atlantic coast were stung this weekend by the swarm of purple-colored sea creatures, which washed up on shore en masse, thanks to consistent east winds, according to Eisen Wicher, a Brevard County Ocean Rescue official.

CNN interviewed one local family, the Smiths, who said they'd driven for three quarters of an hour to get to Cocoa Beach, but left after five minutes when their daughter was stung.

The stings cause itching, burning, and rashes, similar to a bee sting, but aren't usually serious, unless the victim is allergic. Lifeguards have a vinegar solution on hand to neutralize the stinging cells.

Still, two people were taken to the hospital after suffering from respiratory problems, Witcher said.

Thousands more, understandably spooked by the jellyfish, stayed out of the water.

OoooooKaaaayyyyyyYYYYYY...

It's not just that they're citing the fact that when you go to the beach that you run the risk of encountering various forms of "sea life"...noooooOOOO...

this year it's "HOARDS" of Jellyfish "Crashing" Beach Parties.

That's right, Ladies and Gentlemen, if you read the headline, we are lead to believe that the Jellyfish are avoiding unpopulated and low density areas of the beach in favor of swarming the locals of "Beach Parties."

(I personally am waiting for a story about Africanized Killer Bees somehow cross breeding with Jellyfish, thereby creating giant organized swarms of intelligent pathological killer Jellyfish which attack in mass once someone inadvertently comes to their attention.)

No, seriously folks...this is such a non-story it makes me laugh at the lengths these so-called "professional" journalists will go to find something to write about.

You see, I've spent more than a few days/hours of my life participating in the sport of offshore fishing.  Primarily off of Florida's Panhandle Gulf Coast.

You think that you've seen Jellyfish laying around on the beach before?

I've gone fishing on half day trips where we stayed within a few miles of shore where the Jellyfish were so thick--and I mean Jellyfish eighteen inches to two feet in diameter--that we could troll for hours and all you saw was a sea of Jellyfish all around the boat.

The Jellyfish were so thick you had to pay attention because they would catch on the fishing line and make your fishing rod tip bounce around just like you had a strike by a 20 pound King Mackerel.

And these Jellyfish were SWIMMING with their tentacles and bodies...trying to fight the current to stay OFFSHORE since they live in the water...not dieing on the beach at a beach party.

I didn't hear any little Jellyfish conversations saying "Dude...let's paddle on in and catch a monster curl wave and then run out on the beach and pick up some human Babes...

...then we'll show them our pricks testicles tentacles"

cough...hiccup...eek...akkk..oh...nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooOOOOOO


UPDATE: 2:00 AM

Sorry, but my Zen-Like state was interrupted by a stupid Comcast "Internet Service Outage" starting about midnight and just now ending at 2:00 AM.

I've since been twirling around in the basement because I couldn't access some other stuff in needed to do the Owner's Manual project.

I'm going to go now before I REALLY write something I'll regret.

Regards Y'all...

Windows XP Recovery Scam Feckless Under My Wrath

(Only) Three Hours Later...


Well Ladies and Gentlemen, the good news this morning is to my surprise only three hours after my earlier posting, things here on the old HP laptop aren't back to 100%...but close to 95%...

And I guess that the Jury is still out...

But...

In this latest "Computer Exorcism Exercise, I managed to make a couple of executive decisions (the quality and substance of which is something I'm not Internationally known for in the past), and instead of downloading some stupid free "anti-virus/spyware" software or electing to run screaming down to the local computer repair store populated with "experts" 30 years younger than my ever greying, ever balding head...

I simply booted the whimpering computer up in Windows "Protected Mode" and then used the real "Windows Recovery" program to reset everything back to the way it was last Friday before all of this current BS started.

Then I dumped Windows Internet Explorer 7 off the hard drive, ran a back up of my data files (including recovering my latest ParaChem PLC software Rusty), and right now things seem to have been improved a great deal although there are still some strange quirks that need to be worked out.

For instance, most of my data files had been converted to "hidden files" so I had to handle that situation, and my Internet Explorer favorites all disappeared but I had a good back up in Mozilla Firefox and I also exported the favorites from the Server PC and moved them down here to the Basement International Headquarters of Plastics Engineering Technologies (or BIHOPET for short.)

So any way, by and large a successful evening I guess.

I still want to go out and find the idiots responsible for crap like I've just gone through and either draw and quarter them or keel haul them after beating them to the verge of death with a "Cat 'o Nine Tails"

Is it just me?

OK...Holiday's OVER...Back To The Real World

Please Don't Throw Me In Dat Briar Patch...


This week could be fairly troublesome interesting. 

I thought that I already knew what to expect when the Memorial Day Holiday started last Friday, but as is usual around here things have changed a little bit due to unforeseen circumstances--computer related.

My poor little old HP Laptop managed to catch the latest Trojan Bullshit Computer Crap called Windows XP Recovery Scam .

It's the same old spam scam where something jumps on your computer off of an infected web site and proceeds to change things in your Windows registers so that all you see is a fake screen telling you that your computer hard drive is about to crash and offering to scan the drive and repair the problem.

Problem is...the Spam program is the PROBLEM.

And of course after it gets through scanning, even if it finds nothing it still tries to get you to give it a credit card number to pay for selling you a program to "FIX" the situation.

I never let it get past the first few seconds of it's presentation, but I made the mistake of turning the machine off with a hard stop press of the power button, and then in the process of rebooting the INFECTION just wrapped it's tentacles further around my operating system.

Now when you boot up in even "Secure Mode" it only lets you get so far before popping back up with the same BS warning of non-existent problems and an offer to fix things...FOR A PRICE.

So now instead of doing productive work on some new software modifications for a PLC and working on basement wiring, I expect to spend the next 24 hours screwing around trying to act as "Computer Exorcist" removing this evil spirit.

Like I said before, I think that the government should pass a law making it legal to hunt down and maim and/or KILL the idiots out there in the Cyber World that think it's funny or profitable to break into my house through wires and damage my property.

I have to go now before my head explodes.

Missy The Turbo Pup Rides Floats Again

You Can Take The Dog From The Beach...But You Can't Take The Beach From The Dog...


My regular readers probably remember that our little miniature long Haired Dachshund "Missy Sippy Queen" (her AKC pedigree registered name) A.K.A. "Missy The Turbo Pup" was born in Southern Mississippi and spent most of the first year and one half of her life living with us on an Island on the Georgia Coast.

As a result, let's just say we have a little girl that is very comfortable at the pool and on the patio at the Sea Palms Country Club restaurant and of course she commands the beach with ease given the opportunity to visit.

Unfortunately she only gets to the beach two or three times a year now since we moved to Knoxtown, but she's had an above ground backyard pool each of the past three seasons large enough to accommodate her pool accessories and two or three invited adult guests on occasion.

This season being no exception to the rules, this morning I found it my duty to get an early start working on the tasks required in the official re-opening the Turbo Pup Back Yard Pool And Beach Complex (or TPBY PABC for short) for the 2011 season.

Of course not one BUT TWO trips to Home Depot were in order because in addition to needing a few extra fifty pound bags of play sand to level the pool area and clean up the winter damage to the Beach area, after we got home from the first trip I ended up not being able to find my "air nozzle" to use with my air compressor to blow up the inflatable ring running around the top of the little 30" deep above ground pool we saved from last season...so I had to climb back in the car sweating and filthy and go BACK to HD.

Once we got the pool cleaned up and back into position beside the Boardwalk, when we started filling it up with water and it's shape started rounding out and rising back up off the ground, Missy suddenly realized what all of the hoopla was about and went over and started crying and barking wanting to get in the 4 inches of water standing there.

We humored her and let her wade around for a while while it continued to fill, and then about three hours later when it was nearly full she again climbed in and floated around on her float on and off for a couple of hours while I started cooking her favorite dinner...PIZZA!

After dinner now she's been reclining on our bed dozing and watching Dale Earnhardt Jr. run  out of gas 1000 feet from the finish line in the Charlotte NASCAR race.

Tomorrow I have to finish up some details and get my Monster Hybrid Pool Filter (or MOHY POFIS for short) cleaned up and re-connected to the connections on the Pool Sidewalls.  Last season its new 1/2 HP centrifugal pump and dual canisters made out of two old crappy filters they sell with these little above ground pools did a good job and I hope to get at least another season out of the beast.

That said, I guess it's time to do a little reading and get my check list ready for the daily visit back to Home Depot tomorrrow.

Y'all have a LOVELY balance of the Memorial Day Holiday...If you will...

"Memorial Day?"

Everyone Keeps Getting It Confused With "Veterans' Day" I Think


Well, it turns out that I ended up missing not one...but two Family events in two different states on Saturday.

I'm not going to go into the gory details other than to say I had a couple of pretty good reasons for each absence...

...and I regret to admit that the silence gained by being allowed to just sit around here at the Turbo Pup Compound on a "holiday weekend" when everyone else is running up and down the highways and interstates or sitting in airports and bus terminals was a welcome relief.

I did manage to spend about three hours stumbling around my basement shop finally getting two new 20 Amp AC circuits installed which I started last winter. So now my shop and the adjacent "Wee Turbo Pup Pub" area of the basement have some the only three wire grounded electrical service in the building (the Kitchen Range and HVAC system being the other two as far as I can determine.)

Now later this morning plans are to finish up some recessed lighting details in the "Wee Turbo Pup Pub" area, then get the Turbo Pup Pool reinstalled in the back yard and filled with water for the season.

I'm not EVEN going to begin to try to comment on the news right now although there is some stupid stuff like the coverage of Child Murder Trials down in Florida and things endlessly repeated on FoxNEWS and CNN that make my eyeballs roll uncontrollably back into my ever greying, ever balding skull.

That said, I think I'll go now and take a nap for a while.

Y'all have a LOVELY Sunday and balance of the Memorial Day Weekend if you will (and drive/fly safely while you're at it...)

Strange Visitors In The 'Hood

Odie and "Terror The Terrier" Claim Another Conquest...


I mentioned in the past week my ongoing battle with a couple of little dogs which live diagonally behind us here at the Turbo Pup Compound on the Banks of the Mighty Tennessee River.

The good news is that my next door neighbor heard about the loss of my "yard shoe" and asked the owner of the little pack of Mongrels about it and he had indeed found a giant  size 13 "Zapatos" (shoe in Spanish) and it was returned.

Then late on Wednesday the same neighbor reported that a "baby Opossum" had been chased up a tree in her back yard by Odie and Terror.

Here's what I found when I wandered over to take a look...

Not only is that not a "Baby Opossum", but that is a fine example of a giant 20 plus pound "Albino" 'possum.

I've seen another Albino a couple of blocks away in the last year which had a much whiter coat that this fellow (he was a male and should be proud of the equipment he has dangling there in the tree with him...)

but still...

He stayed up there in the top of the tree baking in the sun until sometime after dark and at sunrise yesterday morning he was gone on off doing whatever it is that Opossums do all day.

Just when I think I'm going to lose my mind something like this comes along to distract me and make me laugh.

Good thing...You know?

Another Day With Without Pseudo-Professional Dumbasses

Taking Feckless Insanity And Elevating It To A Virtue...


I'm sorry to report that I spent most of the day yesterday waiting on "Roofers" to appear at my front door

The first one was supposed to show up at 10 AM based on the conversation I had with him on Tuesday. 

This idiot had actually already stood on my doorstep last weekend while I explained that I most definitely wanted an estimate and I would be buying a roof as soon as I could settle with my "Insurance Company."

This conversation apparently wasn't good enough to cause this moron to get off of his ass, take out a measuring tape and a pencil, and work up a price for a roof.

For some reason, after handing me a glossy brochure and a business card and learning the details of the project, the guy's pen must have run out of ink or he didn't have a blank sheet of paper or something else happened because after telling him what I wanted

...I didn't get a quotation.

And then after calling the number on the glossy brochure/business card and making an appointment for 10 AM yesterday he still couldn't pry his stupid ass off of the bar stool or out of the bed/off the sofa long enough to follow up on the opportunity. 

I'm not really asking for much...the project is really pretty simple...but thus far over the past THREE WEEKS I've only managed to get two written quotations to replace 28 square (2800 square feet) of three tab asphalt shingles.

Here...take a peek at my specifications:

• Tear off existing shingles and roofing felt and place in 10 cubic yard dumpster.
• Repair any rotten plywood decking on corners.
• Install new 30 pound roofing felt.
• Install 20-25 year three tab shingles.
• Clean up job site and get the &^%$ off my property after giving me an invoice and getting your check.

Then yesterday afternoon while Pat and the Turbo Pup and I were wandering around picking up some stuff at the CVS Pharmacy, another rocket scientist claiming to be in the roofing business decided to stop by un-announced and leave his business card and a note saying "no one was at home."

 

This poor simpleton had discussed my project with me on the telephone on Tuesday, and I told him to call before he stopped by if he could,  but if he wanted to look at the job and we weren't home he had my permission to climb on the roof and simply leave his quotation on the table on my front porch. 

 

Again I went over the specifications with him on the phone prior to his arrival...remember these details?  

• Tear off existing shingles and roofing felt and place in 10 cubic yard dumpster.
• Repair any rotten plywood decking on corners.
• Install new 30 pound roofing felt.
• Install 20-25 year three tab shingles.
• Clean up job site and get the &^%$ off my property after giving me an invoice and getting your check.

 I swear to God I'm incredulous at the feckless ineptitude of the people out there claiming to be in the construction business...specifically most recently...ROOFERS.

 

Further, I think that the fact that I actually know what I want done and I have a pretty good idea how to do it and how much it should cost is hurting my effort to get rational quotes.

 

Apparently if I was just some ignorant dumbass everyone would give me a price, but since I'm an intelligent arrogant ASSHOLE with an attitude no one wants to venture on to my property with a nail gun and a butt crack.

 

If you know anyone that can actually show up and put a roof on a building for a reasonable price on a pre-determined schedule...feel free to give me a call.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Stupid News For The Un-Informed

Twisters (Tornadoes) Don't "Target" Population Centers


I've spent at least half of the past couple of days yelling at the idiots on the Television who are apparently reading from the same script written by Owl Gore and the Global Warming Zombies freaking out about what should be considered to be NORMAL spring weather in the Midwest.

While it is a horrible fact that the statistical odds are that over a million year period that every single square inch of our planet will probably see a natural disaster...earthquake or flash flood or wildfire or hurricane...

...It is also a well known fact that the United States experiences Tornadoes at a rate MORE THAN FOUR TIMES that of Europe or any other country/land mass in the world.

Almost EVERY YEAR...

Not just, as the idiots on the TV news would have you believe...

...not just THIS YEAR.

It's like this, Ladies and Gentlemen...

I grew up in lower Alabama living with both Hurricanes and Tornadoes, and FEMA was a figment of Jimmuh "Smile When You Say That" Carter's imagination and Owl Gore's Greenie Weenie Zombies were still sucking their thumbs and toes in their playpens.

I've been through three Hurricanes and a half dozen tropical storms, and I've been at ground ZERO in two Tornadoes where the sky turned green and the rain came in horizontal.

And I don't look forward to it but if I live another 25 years I'll probably see at least another couple of Hurricanes and tornadoes in the process.

BUT...

All of this current media hysteria just makes my eyes roll back into my skull and drool to slide out of the corner of my mouth.

Face the facts...with live on a planet spinning around the sun through the solar system at breakneck speed under the forces of gravity and operating under the vaguely understood principals of a science we call physics.

And our little slice of "atmosphere" within the bottom twenty miles of the surface of the planet contains the oxygen we need to live and breath...but it also contains water vapor and energy in the form of temperature gradients--thereby producing a dynamic "heat engine" effect where the hot areas and the cold areas try to get together and average everything out in the end.

Thus when you get a bunch of cold dry air running up against a bunch of warm moist air...KABOOM...

A local TORNADO!

And on a regional basis IN THE SUMMER...HURRICANE  everybody jump in your car and evacuate!!!

It's just that simple, and religion and political and education and socio-economic/race/gender issues be damned...it will grab your trailer or your car or your house or as a minimum YOUR ASS and grind you up and tie you in a knot if you happen to be unlucky enough to be in the storm's path.

Weather doesn't care what political party association the President or the Congress has at any given moment.

Weather also doesn't give a crap if you regularly attend church or you donate to the March of Dimes and the United Way and build houses with Habitat for Humanity.

GOT IT?

OK...That will be all...for now...

I Have A Crappy Attitude

Excuse Me While I Shut The %$#@ Up...


I'm having one of "Those" days...

Bye Y'all...

This Is A Test Of The Emergency Broadcast System

This Is Only A Test...


I'm afraid that I have to admit that my neural synapses are almost completely overloaded these days.

It just might take a month or so to get over living through the past two weeks of my life.

After spending a semi-unplanned ten days out of town in another state--mental and physical--followed by having a house full of pseudo relatives ( i.e. Pat's family ) in town for half a week, I think that I've realized what a quiet existence I generally enjoy as a middle aged childless curmudgeon.

Let's face facts...Ladies and Gentlemen...

Having Kids wandering around the property warps reality in ways beyond my ability to comprehend, and spending time with more than one other adult human inside my official "building of residence" taxes my patience and tilts my world off of it's axis in an alarming fashion possibly requiring counseling and medical attention...

Right now I feel like I'm sort of some kind of mutant cross between Dustin Hoffman's character  "Rainman"






with a nice mix of  Christopher Lloyd's character "Reverend Jim"...

and possibly Andy Kaufman's "Lakta" from the TV show "Taxi" thrown in for good measure.

I'd say I'm a little more Reverend Jim/Latka right now in as much as I'm harmless to anyone other than myself...

But still...

I have to attempt to get a grip on the details of several different projects while at the same time trying to head out of town toward either a funeral in Ohio or the originally planned Memorial Day Festivities in Lower Alabama this weekend.

Nothing seems to be easy these days...justifying the cost and time to head north versus the cost and time to head south.

Maybe I should just stay home for the next couple of weeks and save money rather than risk insulting anyone in the process.

I'm entertaining suggestions if anyone has any insight into a solution to my delimma...

Idiots In The Roofing Business

How Do I Hate Thee? Let me Count The Ways...


It's pretty much common knowledge that I've been in the "Industrial Injuneering and Construction Business" on and off for a good part of the past 30 years.

I've also on a much more limited basis been in the residential renovation and construction business for about that same amount of time.

All of the above said, it blows my mind this afternoon that with the current employment situation and economic conditions there is such a large proportion of idiots--many if not most of which probably didn't even manage to graduate from HIGH SCHOOL--which can't manage to answer their own telephone number published on business cards on in the Yellow Pages or on Internet Web Pages...

and in some cases to respond back to me with an intelligent quotation after taking the time to drive up to my house and knock on my front door asking to fix my roof.

Seriously, Ladies and Gentlemen, in the THREE AND ONE HALF WEEKS since my roof and yard was pounded with a golf ball sized hail storm, I've only managed to get two written proposals in hand while at the same time talking in person with six or eight different inarticulate, dis-organized morons representing themselves on the telephone and/or on my front stoop as "professional roofers" or representatives of companies involved in the aforementioned "roofing business."

The "feeding frenzy" surrounding this latest natural disaster is a textbook study in human nature.

These idiots want me to sign a contract...

RIGHT NOW.

...with basically no written proposal in hand...

...and because they can see by the look on my face and the light burning in my eyes that I am not an IDIOT and that I will proceed to "tear them a new asshole" at least proverbially if not literally they don't want to deal with me when they can simply wander on down the street and take advantage of some of our old widow ladies or some absentee owner with a bottomless checkbook.

I offer a sincere "Sorry" to all of you asshats posing as "roofing contractors", but not now or tomorrow or next week or next month will I deal with such a stupid group of (un)professional idiot opportunists.

I believe that I'll just wait for the dust to settle and take my chances on getting someone that actually knows what they are doing rather dealing with those of you out there just responding to the smell of blood CASH in the water.

You know?

Getting Old Sucks

But I Guess It's Better Than The Alternative...


Pat and the Turbo Pup and the Niece/Nephew/Child returned late yesterday from an over night trip to visit her Daughter's family in south Atlanta.

Me?

I volunteered to stay home and anchor things here at the Turbo Pup Compound solo for a change.

I spent the weekend walking around without shoes and a shirt...sometimes clad only in underwear...basically doing nothing all day if you don't count sitting on the deck in the sun working crossword puzzles and the few hours spent staking up tomato plants.

Oh...and I did manage to get all of my tools put away and the shop cleaned up and re-organized in anticipation of doing some clean-up work on three PLC programs I have running in the field right now.

So now after a quiet weekend spent "home alone", this morning finds me trying to make plans to attend yet another elderly relatives burial services...this time in southern Ohio.

It's one of those impossible trips where "you can't get there from here" unless you drive cross country and I can't spend three days out of the week in the process because I'm already so far behind in my work from being out of town most of the past two weeks.

Ideally it would be a "fly up in the morning" kind of trip where I meet my Cousins and ride with them to the Rogers family cemetery up on top of a hill out in the middle of nowhere in southern Ohio...then have them drop me back off at the Columbus Ohio airport so I can fly back home later that day.

I guess it's time now to head to the basement and start wrestling with electronic crap again.

Wish me luck, if you will Y'all...

The Dog Ate My Homework Stole My Shoe

One Annoying Little Bastard He Is...


We live in a pretty cool old neighborhood.

Basically it's the same sort of neighborhood I grew up in since it was built about the same time in the early 1960's.  The only real difference is that it is in eastern Tennessee instead of Lower Alabama.

Today most of the houses are occupied by older widow ladies whose husbands have already gone on to Glory, with the balance of the houses filled with second and at most third owners.

The sad thing is that what was once a giant vacant property between our street and the Pike has been filled in over the past twenty years with  professional offices and townhouses, and there's a string of duplexes and quads which anchor the streets at each end of our street and they've apparently seen their better days because they're becoming more and more a bit of an eyesore because the freaking Mexicans have moved in.

Don't get me wrong here Ladies and Gentlemen...

In spite of my past ranting, the Libertarian in me says that a property owner has the right to rent his property to anyone he wishes to that pays the price he asks...I just wish the said property owner would also police his property and make his tenants not treat the exterior and lawns like a junkyard.

Closer to home, we have a delightful Mexican family next door who are the HOME OWNERS.

What an amazing difference ownership makes when it comes to the appearance and standard of care regardless of the native nationality of the owners.

Then two houses down in the other direction there is something going on in the form of a rental/lease deal and if you count the number of cars in the yard there are eight adults living in a three bedroom 1-1/2 bath house.

Apparently one of the "Hispanic" men there fancies himself an auto mechanic so you can almost guarantee that the hood is up (or off of) at least one of the cars night and day most of the time.

And one or more of the women is either running a daycare center for the other area immigrants (legal and illegal) else there is a giant band of midget Mexicans living in the crawlspace (because there's not room for them in the main house.)

Behind that house on the next street over is also a band of Mexicans or Central Americans and word has it that they own that property, and other than having a half dozen vehicles parked in the driveway and on the street out front they are pretty good neighbors, EXCEPT...

they have these two little shit yapper dogs--a little Chihuahua named "Odie" and this other wire haired terror terrier mutt of as yet unknown name.  Let's just call him "Terror the Terrier" and leave it at that I guess.

So any way, they can't weigh thirty pounds in total, but these little bastards are the scourge of the neighborhood.

If a leaf falls off of a tree at night...

...they bark endlessly.

If you walk outside in the evening to get something out of your car or smoke a cigar...

...they bark endlessly.

And the most annoying thing is that the owners let the little pack of mongrels out of their pen occasionally to run around and rape and pillage and reek havoc in and on the adjoining properties.

Odie comes over and lifts his leg and pees on everything in sight when he can.

And Pat caught "Terror the Terrier" trying to drag one of my "yard shoes" off the carport a couple of weeks ago.

She yelled at him and he dropped it.

Then after being out of town for ten days and leaving my yard shoes sitting alone outside unguarded,  yesterday when I went out to stake and tie up my tomato plants...GUESS WHAT?

Yep...I only had one old dirty tennis shoe sitting there by the porch swing.

So now I'm forced to wear my "back up" yard shoes...the really stinky nasty ones I usually reserve for doing stuff in the mud and things like running the weed eater.

Dang it, I don't care if a bus load of Mexicans move into the neighborhood because the flood gates have already opened, but I just wish that they could miraculously overcome their "cultural issues" because in the end...my problem is not racial...but more of a clash of a cultural nature which is very difficult to overcome I'm afraid.  

Is it just ME?

"It's The End Of The World As We Know It"

And I Feel Fine...


Sorry about the recent light blogging, Ladies and Gentlemen, but after returning home late Wednesday night and getting the luggage put away we've since had a house full of visitors beginning Thursday afternoon.

Between chasing/being chased by a little 2-1/2 year old red head girl and cooking for/entertaining the Adults in the party, I'm losing my mind trying to catch up from being out of town for ten days.

The stupid IRS is driving me crazy sending me forms and asking me questions since I had the audacity to start another corporation, with them rewarding me with a demand for more money or to fill out another form I've already filled out and mailed about once a month.

The funny thing is that I haven't actually made any real money yet, but if it is up to the IRS apparently I won't be making any Cash in the near future either because apparently the IRS expects me to work full time telling them why I'm not making any money by owning a company.

I'm thinking that maybe I can start a company with a business plan involving spending 50 hours a week filling out state and federal government tax forms for fun and profit.

Wait...I think someone has already thought of that...

Isn't it called being a Tax Lawyer or a CPA?

In other news, I've decided to just check off all of the things I have on my "To-Do List" and throw it away because there is some wild eyed Idiot named Harold Camping and a bunch of his followers running around out there saying that  the world is supposed to end sometime later today.

Wait...I just checked and it is currently 4:55 PM in Tokyo and other than still trying to recover from the earthquake and Tsunami a couple of months ago things are still pretty much just peachy in Japan. 

Not a single appearance of "Godzilla" or "Mothra" or any of the other cataclysmic creatures found in the cheesy horror films coming out of the island nation.  Things like this fellow...





Of course this is my favorite Godzilla...shown in a 1980 vintage performance by the rock group "Blue Oyster Cult":




So any way, I've got to go now and screw around with some more things like expense reports and shuffle some other papers around my desk top, and I trust that everyone will have a LOVELY balance of the weekend in the mean time.

Regards Y'all...

Back Home Again

None Too Soon...


Everyone's tired.

Regards Y'all...

It's Alive--Part 3.1415

Success At Last....


About 11 AM this morning I had reason for celebration on the job site.

One single silly little conversion error in one of the levels I was measuring was basically filtering down through the program causing almost all of the problems I was experiencing since last Friday afternoon.

The simple inclusion of an extra algebraic calculation in one line of the ladder program and everything started working like it was supposed to work.

Now all I have to do is go in Wednesday, do a final QA/QC check, and conduct an hour training class for a half dozen operators and supervisors.

Then assuming that the above all goes as planned we're back across the Appalachians to the Turbo Pup compound on the banks of the Mighty Tennessee River by bedtime.

I'm ready to sort through the mail and sleep in my own bed for a change.

Regards Y'all...

Final Day On The Job Site?

I'll Know By Noon Today...


I'm back on the site this morning at 7 AM hoping my programmer's latest efforts solve a couple of bugs we're having in the Alarm logic on the PLC panel.

Since most everything else is working as expected, we'll make a few tweaks and then run it through a couple of cycles and hopefully get out of town this afternoon.

We Me luck...Y'all...

Back To Work

Time To Finish This Thing Up...


I've been livin' and eatin' and sleepin' industrial instrumentation communication standards this weekend.

I know everyone will be jealous and want to kiss the fingers on my mouse hand and have their picture taken with me...

But I'm too busy to socialize right now, so you will have to excuse me from my blogging duties while I attend to more "pressing" matters.

Regards Y'all...

Sunday Music

Oldies But Goodies...

I'm just goofing around this morning reading some things and listening to some weird stuff I've found.

First there's a band called "The Marmalade":




And now "The Hollies":




Finally Michael Murphy's "Wildfire"...


THEN




AND NOW




Me and the Turbo Pup are gonna take a nap now.

Regards Y'all...

Industrial Vendor Induced Insanity ( I V I squared )

The Hungarians And The French Don't Like Americans Me?


So this morning finds me sitting in front of the old HP Laptop Computer worrying about a bunch of crap which I've managed to get all wired together and mounted on and in and around things hanging on walls and pipes and tanks here in an "Industrial Facility" in South Carolina.

I hate to admit that after the past week's experiences doing this "PLC Control System Start-Up" I'm starting to feel a little loopy and desperate, so if you look out your window into your yard this morning and you live anywhere near Simpsonville, South Carolina you might find me standing on a step ladder hooking wires up to your bug zapper or bird feeder or gas grill trying to get a signal...ANY SIGNAL...I can understand with my Equipment.

OK...

Maybe not...

But I digress...

It turns out that nearly half of the stuff I'm trying to use was "made and assembled" by "Yours Truly" here in the By-God good old United States of 'Merica at the Turbo Pup Compound on the banks of the Mighty Tennessee River...

And the other half?

Interestingly enough...

...the other half of that half was made in Hungary.

But then just recently I just found out that another quarter of my monstrosity was actually produced in FRANCE and sold to me by another 'Merican company I've been dealing with for a couple of years now.

Don't get me wrong here, Ladies and Gentlemen, because in spite of past rants and ramblings on this blog, I don't really give a a crap where you live and work--country, county, city, or state--as long as the product you sell me performs as advertised and you provide me with what is generally known in the engineering/construction business parlance as "cut sheets" or "documentation"

The average citizen not torturing themselves practicing the profession I lovingly call "Injuneering"  would ask for an "Owners Manual."

Most likely written in English if you live in Alabama or Georgia or South Carolina or Tennessee.

 (...and not translated into English from Swalhili by a multi-lingual third grader...UNDER DURESS...)

Problem for me is-best intentions aside--the Hungarians and French are forced because of their position on the GLOBE to operate on a schedule either 5 or 6 hours ahead of the "Eastern Time Zone" within which I reside and am currently conducting this debacle site installation exercise this past week.

Thus if I don't ask any questions I may have about the aforementioned foreign produced products...each day...by 10 or 11 AM EST...

There's a pretty darn good chance that I won't hear anything in the way of an answer (intelligible or unintelligible as the case may be) until the next morning/day.

And since YESTERDAY was FRIDAY THE 13TH???

I find myself sitting here this morning asking a couple of what will probably turn out to be some really stupid questions...

...which will probably warrant equally STUPID answers...

But now I'm DELAYED UNTIL MONDAY MORNING.

Dammit...

Fortunately Pat and Missy the Turbo Pup and I are safely sequestered here at my old college roommate's Condo (A.K.A. the "Prince Hotel") for the balance of the weekend while I recover from a week spent standing 5 to 7 hours each day in the noise and heat of a chemical plant.

And I'm sure that you'll excuse the light posting of late and my continuing mental malaise as I forge forward at a rate half of the speed of light SMELL.

And until then...

Regards Y'all...

More Insanity At The Airport

This Just In...




(Apparently in today's economy and job market some people have WaaaaaaaAAAAAAYYYYY too much time on their hands...)

I'm Melting.....

Either Freezing Or Frying In My Field The Field


Just in case you haven't been paying attention, during the majority of my professional career I've been pretty much what I call an "Office Boy."

By that simple reference I mean that the majority of my injuneering work has been historically conducted in the air conditioned comfort of an office.

At first my office was located in buildings owned by other people (what I call employers.)  Then during much of the past 21 years I wandered around in facilities which I owned personally (A.K.A. "my house" or most recently "my basement.")

But then at times on again and off again over the period of my professional achievement and unachievement I've randomly spent days if not weeks at a time performing work in the field on my customer's property delivering and installing the things I've designed and sometimes built and making the aforementioned things perform as promised and specified.

This week would be one of "THOSE" field/jobsite weeks, and let me tell you Ladies and Gentlemen...

I AM AN EXPERT AT PICKING OBSCENELY EXTREME WEATHER CONDITIONS WITHIN WHICH TO CONDUCT MY EXERCISES IN FIELD ENGINEERING AND CONSTRUCTION.

Seriously...I have to explain here that most of the time over the course of my near 30 year career I would stay in my office for most of 11 months out of each of those years, and yet then the remaining four weeks spread out over the 12 months in any given year I found myself either standing in the rain and snow while the thermometer hovers near 20 degrees F....

else preforming my work like I've been doing this week literally soaked to the skin from head to toe in sweat...in the 90 degree heat...and 90% humidity...surrounded by and large by people 20 years my junior who cavort around like it's just another day in the park at a picnic.

I've sweated so much in the past two days that I've melted the Altoids Mints I left in my front jeans pocket into solid cake-like blobs stuck to the pocket lining.

I've sweated so much that I'm considering buying stock in Gold Bond Powder and possibly Anti Monkeybutt Powder while I'm at it just so I can walk and sit down at the end of the day.

OK...I know...TMI (too much information...Mom) there but still...

Tomorrow is another day.

And I still have a few nagging details to finish up and then I have to conduct a little training class for the first and second shift system operators which will be using my Touch Screen PLC system to do their work.

Then if I'm successful we'll load up little Missy the Turbo Pup's lockers and sea chests back into the old Chrysler 300 (along with my plastic trash bag full of stinking sweaty clothes) and trundle back across through Asheville and the Appalachians to Knoxtown to the Turbo Pup Compound.

I'm hitting the job site at 7 AM this morning...Wish me luck...if you will...

Ho Hum

Like Watching Paint Dry...


Well, I've been here in "the upstate" area of South Carolina for going on three days now, and in the process I've managed to get a couple of hours of productive work done so far.

The good news is my panel looks good and is mounted and wired into my end of the field sensor and control wiring.

The bad news is that even though my customer has been screaming for two weeks saying that they were "basically done" with the installation of the balance of the field wiring and piping...

when I left the job site at 4:30 PM yesterday there was three electricians standing on top of and around the four giant tanks still connecting wires to things I had delivered on Monday morning.

Any way, I look really good so far in regard to my work and progress, and hopefully when I go over to the site this afternoon we'll finally be able to turn on the electrical power and make my masterpiece actually do something close to what it was designed to do.

Blogging has been suffering because of some behind the scene work I've been doing on this and another project when I'm not standing in the sun sweating on the job site.

Palmetto State Blogging--Part Deaux

Commentary From The "Up-State"...


Yesterday was a pretty good day...

...as travel days can go.

A leisurely departure about 1 PM.

A short drive on I-40 across the mountains through Asheville to an early dinner...

...followed by another less than hour long driving segment over to Greenville.

Then we sat around and blabbed about basically nothing until midnight.

Now today if I can get my head aligned with the magnetic field in this area and get a little work done...

I'll be back here on the Internet to say something relevent possibly.

Until then...Regards Y'all...

We're Goin' On The Road?

The Turbo Pup RoadShow Rides Again...


S U R P R I S E...

Did anyone but me know that our Puppy is heading out of town again today?

The good news is that we get to go with her.

She suspects something is up but she's not quite sure yet because I waited until after she went to bed to start dragging out the suitcases and stuff.

After finishing up some details in the documentation and the preliminary version of the owner's manual, I have a date with my customer at the job site over in Simpsonville, South Carolina first thing on Monday morning to begin installing and starting up my latest custom PLC control panel. 

Here...take a peek...

There are 17 input channels and 21 output channels driving everything from warning lights to valves which open and close while holding back ONE HUNDRED AND TWENTY THOUSAND GALLONS of waste water.

It's attached to five of these red things (non-contact ultrasonic level sensors), and two of those blue football looking things (float switches) which are supposed to tell it what is going on where.

It also has a whole bunch of other stuff connected to it about which I won't bore you with the details of, but still....

This is the most complex system I've designed and built to date, and unlike my other systems intended to look at things like plastic bottles moving past my sensors really fast, this one works at a snail's pace but if it screws up there is likely to be a story on "Action News at 5 PM" with the Sheriff and Paramedics and pictures of them dragging me off in a straight-jacket kicking and screaming.

So any wayyyy...We're going to make a leisurely stroll across the Appalachian Mountains and the Eastern Continental Divide through Asheville and Hendersonville this afternoon, stopping for a late lunch/dinner at Sidestreeet Pizza in Tryon, North Carolina before landing for the evening at my old Georgia Tech Bud Rusty's "Prince Hotel" palace in the Greenville/Greer/Spartanburg Metropolitian area. 

Then I suspect that hilarity will ensue as I try to explain to my customer how to make this thing work as expected.

Wish me luck...If you will...

15 Years Ago Today...

Inheriting Responsibility I Don't Deserve...


Sorry Ladies & Gentlemen ...I've been really busy this week and distracted and I almost forgot...

But as my title says, I just realized that fifteen years ago today I became the oldest living "Virgil" in my family, with the passing of my beloved Father on the morning of Sunday, May 5th, 1996.

I find it tough being a real man when my instincts are to continue to act like a boy, but that day sort of placed a weight on my shoulders which...as my recently departed Uncle John once told me...explained why in his words:

 "I never really felt like I was a Man until the day my Father died."

Those words coming from a man that served a tour of duty in Europe as a B-29 tail gunner.

Me?

The best I've done is crap around in the air for a while in  a little Cessna airplane, wreck a few cars, break a few hearts, waste a whole lot of money, lose a 32' boat, sink a 10' dingy, and do a whole lot of other silly/negative/illegal stuff which is beyond the scope of this posting this morning.

In spite of personally being the number III in the generational line, I feel that I've managed to somehow operate at a lower level in spite of my inherited genetic talents and abilities when it comes to any comparison with the two other men named Virgil in my family which proceeded me in light of their great personal character, professional achievement,  and overall accomplishments.

I'm really trying to pick up the tempo these days and improve the quality of my performance here on life's stage--as Shakespeare said--in the little time I have left...if for no other reason than dedicating my efforts in memory of Virgil Sr. and Virgil Jr who proceeded me.

Regardless...and with all of the above said...We Miss You Dad...(and Granddad)

 

Purdue Engineers Win Something

Ultimate Rube Goldberg Machine...




Thanks for the Link Rodger over at Curmudgeonly & Skeptical.

My Mind Is Blank

The News Acts Like A Giant Mental Eraser...


I swear to the Good Lord above I was almost as happy about the Navy Seals finally finding Osama not because HE WAS DEAD...

but really because I thought that it would force the Media to take a breath and stop talking about...

"The Royal Wedding."

But then I forgot that moving the aforementioned "Nuptial Event" off of the front burner on the Newspapers and TV News would require some new hysterical obsessing over something, and so now it's basically the death of one stupid asshole murdering Islamo-Fascist which has caused my eyes to roll back in my head 24/7 because of the wall to wall breathless coverage and inane political debate.

Please...can't they just give it a break a little while and act like there is some remote possibility that everyone doesn't deserve or even wants to hear every single freaking tiny detail leak out on a second by Second by SECOND BASIS?

PlueassssssSSSSSSS.

Fortunately I had to leave the TV off most of the day in the shop because I had my programmer over installing and testing software and I was jumping through hoops trying to get five expensive fluid level sensors programmed and come 5:00 PM I had only had to look at about 15 minutes of TV all day.

Then I cooked dinner and yelled letters and words at the TV while watching Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy and was starting to calm down and feel normal...

...then I turned on FOX News and lapsed back into an immobile catatonic state again.

Then I fell asleep and when I woke up Pat had changed channels over to Food Network and "Cupcake Wars" was coming on and I ran screaming from the room to my computer and turned on NetFlix and started watching old "Munsters" season 1 reruns.

Maybe now that my senses have returned I can get some more work done.

Y'all have a good evening and keep up with the Osama coverage if you can stand it...I'll expect a 300 word report on my desk by 10 AM tomorrow summarizing the latest news coverage.

My Own "Inside Edition"...Details Of Osama's Funeral

Mean Politically Incorrect Things I Think Of...


I was thinking of writing an elaborate posting here this evening addressing how I would have handled Osama Bid Laden's funeral, but I'm too busy right now to spend the time.

Here's my outline which I wrote during dinner and reserve the rights to elaborate on with more words and pictures later:

First of all, I would have dressed the dearly departed's corpse in a lovely white head dressing and prayer tunic woven from genuine American Yorkshire hog hair.

Next, I'd place him in a specially designed coffin with a lining made from slightly crisped bacon.

Inside the coffin would be gifts for Mohammad, including an assortment of hams and pork sausage from Hickory Farms.

Then, If I were Abduhl or Ishmale or St. Peter or whoever was responsible for managing Osama's trip to the Pearly Gates to meet Mohammed and his 72 virgins, I would arrange for the Pig named Arnold from Green Acres ghost to be seated beside him in the next seat, and the in flight movies would be would be the entire trillogy of the "Babe" the pink pig movies for his enjoyment.

And finally, once Mohammed presented the virgins to Osama, I would make sure that they all look like Janet Napolitano, Madaleine Allbright, sHrillary Clinton, and of course Helen Thomas (the expelled Lebonese White House Reporter.) 

And maybe there would also be a few of the flaming Islamic Gay Guys that were killed by mandate of the Peaceful Religion of Islam standing there with a few Ideas with what to do with Bid Laden's "pretty mouth" and sorry Ass when all things are said and done.

Thus, with that partial evening Rant here Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm fairly certain someone will probably stop by to comment and call me things like a mean old Redneck, semi-Christian, bigoted, racist, and possibly a homophobic insensitive bastard

And...I are...aren't I?



(and damn proud of it BTW...)

The Islamo-Fascist's Dead Osama Bin Laden's Dead

Breaking News...


I was sitting here trying to get started up in my shop, all the while wincing my way along enduring Hernando Revolver's Geraldo Rivera's blithering on FOX News.

They were talking up the sudden calling of a news conference by the President late on Sunday night.

Then they rambled through a series of information flashes which ultimately said that Bin Laden was shot and killed last week and that the DNA verification testing was just made available tonight.

So now we have to listen to President Obama crow about his administration doing something that President Bush couldn't or wouldn't do...killing Osama?

And does that mean by default that Obama killed Osama?

Regardless of who actually did the deed or where it was done, all in all it's a good thing I think.




(I tossed in the "Hernando Revolver" reference for all of you Cheech and Chong fans out there...)

Back To The Grind

Injuneering Ensues...

Well, after a crazy week and weekend featuring a schedule turned upside down by Wednesday night's severe weather and the resulting damage, I'm hoping to get back on schedule beginning later tonight.

I managed to crawl up on the roof to inspect the damage and get all of the shredded tree limbs and leaves cleaned out of the gutters.

Pat wandered around the back yard with a rake generating a giant pile of more leaves and crap shredded by the two hail storms.

We also replaced a couple of tomato plants that were beat and broken to the ground, and since I'm hard headed I planted EVEN MORE tomatoes along with some onions and cucumber plants.

That gets things in the gardening department of the Turbo Pup Compound back up to about the 60% level of completion...with some more stuff going in later this month after we get back in town for the upcoming field start up trip for the waste water storage control system.

Speaking of said control system, the panel is basically tested electrically but it's still dumb as a brick without the software which is being delivered this week

Now I have to go down to the shop and start programming and testing the ultrasonic level sensors before I get to the field.

I'm too busy to even rip off a good rant about the insanity in the news or something this evening, so I'll talk to Y'all later I guess...

It's Not Racial...It's "Cultural"

Where Is This Information When We're Doing Important Stuff Like VOTING For President?


I know that it doesn't really matter because the country elected the son, not the father, for the office of President, but Imagine if something like this ASSociated Press story via Politico.com about Obama's father had come out about the parents of candidates during the election efforts of Bob Dole or Newt Gingrich...or even Ronald Reagan or George Bush?

"BOSTON--President Barack Obama’s father was forced to leave Harvard University before completing his Ph.D. in economics because the school was concerned about his personal life and finances, according to newly public immigration records.


...

Harvard administrators, the memo stated, “were having difficulty with his financial arrangements and couldn’t seem to figure out how many wives he had.”


...

The immigration memos, contained in the elder Obama’s Immigration and Naturalization file, were given to a Boston Globe reporter in 2009 through a Freedom of Information request. The papers were first made public Wednesday by The Arizona Independent, a weekly newspaper. The Associated Press obtained copies of them on Friday.



Concerns about Obama’s personal life while he had been studying in the U.S. had been raised previously, according to the INS documents.


In 1961, while he was an undergraduate student at the University of Hawaii, the school’s foreign student adviser called an immigration official and said Obama had recently married StanleyAnn Dunham - the president’s mother - despite already having a wife in Kenya.

According to a memo written by an INS official in Honolulu, the adviser said Obama had been “running around with several girls since he first arrived here and last summer she cautioned him about his playboy ways.”


Obama told the adviser that he had divorced his wife in Kenya.

He told the president’s mother the same thing, though she would later learn it was a lie.


Obama worked for an oil company and as a government economist after returning to Africa, but his personal and professional life would later deteriorate. He died in a car crash in 1982, when the future president was 21 and a student at Columbia University."

See, the guy we have supposedly running the country has been proven to be a liar and a poser and a fraud on so many levels that it really frightens me not that he ran for office but that our country full of apparently useful idiots with voting rights actually elected him to office.

He even comes from a family of shadowy dysfunctional out of the mainstream--black or white--people which would hardly be considered normal today let alone in the early/mid 1960's.

And I don't give a flying crap if his skin color is white or black or green, he's still a dangerous socialist that hates the American way of life because he never actually lived it until he rose to power and started having other people pay for his lavish lifestyle.

And that's all I have to say about that...

Time To Mow My Grass?

Reaching New Heights In Lawn Maintenance...




Thanks for the link Rodger

Imitation Is The Sincerest Form Of Flattery

My Blog Idols Over At PowerLine Have It Right...



I wrote a fairly testy posting earlier this morning while I was feeling all cranky about the "Royal Wedding" and the amount of time the TV Networks and apparently a large portion of our population was wasting watching the proceedings.

Don't get me wrong here...

As a devout Libertarian (for lack of a better qualifying political moniker), I believe that you should be allowed by society and our government to endlessly expend your time (i.e. waste your fleeting seconds of life on this planet) worrying about Wealthy Celebrities out in Hollywood or the marriage of the offspring of ancient family members of dysfunctional former out of date Feudal European governments....

...or playing Playstation games...

... or just spending a comfortable afternoon picking your nose while sitting naked in a beanbag chair eating Cheese Puffs looking at MTV.

As Internationally famous Atlanta Talk Show Host Neal Boortz says... (and I paraphrase):

"If whatever you do or want to do doesn't interfere with or infringe upon the life, liberty, pursuit of happiness, or property rights of another person or persons, feel free to continue to do it and resist with great vigor any government action or mob (We're a REPUBLIC...not a DEMOCRACY) effort to stop you and like minded people for pursuing your endeavors.

Thus...

If you are interested in the private affairs of idiots that happen to be good looking enough and/or smart enough and/or lucky enough to make a fortune by having people like you buy tickets and throw money at them to appear on TV or film is your thing, GO FOR IT!

But then again, when you step back and realise that YOU don't figure into the fame and fortune equation in any way other than expending your capitol...mental and physical and financial...to the process...

...and that in the end you don't really own anything as a result of wearing a T-shirt with a sports team name or other capitalistic product brand logo or image...

...other than the actual market value of an over priced T-shirt...

then I guess that you get what you deserve in the end...just don't come crying to me or start voting for some politician to come pick my pocket and take some of what little money I've managed to earn ignoring such folly and actually working for a living and paying attention to more important matters at hand.

(remember the aforementioned Neal Boortz quote about infringing on my rights as owner of my property and God given freedoms)

And now I digress...

John Hinderaker, one of the fellows that writes over at Powerline Blog was having basically the same feelings I was having this morning because his wife was going to get up to watch the whole pompous wedding extravaganza in England or Great Briton or whatever they call it these days, and in the process in his writing he pointed out these two YouTube videos:

This one is a real wedding video sequence I missed when it was first published on YouTube but has had something like 65 million hits to date:



Then T-Mobile proceeded to produce this knock off recently of this similar video featuring the "Royals" with some surprising look alikes playing the parts:





And with this about that, all I have to say is...


Heh....

At The "Royal" Wedding--Would They Call Me "The Duke of Fillibuster"?

Somebody Just Kill Me For Not Giving A Flying %$#@?


I've just spent an hour in my basement vacuuming about five gallons of water out of the carpet in little Missy the Turbo Pup's Mom's office.

Then I finally managed to get into the shop and get the computer workstation back in order and in the process I turned on my shop TV for a background distraction and within five minutes FOX News had lulled me into a catatonic stupor.

Sort of like being forced to watch the all day build up on ESPN of the coverage of the Super Bowl.

Can't they just show the event and get it over with for God's sake?

Plueassssseeeeee...

For some silly reason I don't give any more of a crap about a wedding in England than I care about the latest exploits of Brittany Spears or any other stupid freaking celebrity bimbo here on this side of the Atlantic Ocean.

Let's admit it...our country is going to hell in a hand basket financially...

We have wild eyed, towel headed Islamic Jihadist Terrorists wanting to kill us...

...and yet it seems that the entire planet is all caught up in a stupid wedding ceremony that at best will last an insufferable lifetime and will probably not change England's plight in leading Europe down the toilet of "Communism/Socialism Lite."

With England and France and the rest of Europe kow-towing and kissing Arab Islamic Butts at every opportunity, I wouldn't be surprised if some stupid "shoe bomber" or "underwear bomber" trying to use today's event as a way to make another "statement" about the conflict between the western civilizations and the middle eastern islamo-fascistic-idiots.

(I admit that it's not easy being a professional mean old angry curmudgeonly asshole...but somebody has to do it and I find myself particularly adept at it this morning...)



...and you're welcome...

"Their Is No Cure For Birth Or Death Save To Enjoy The Interval"

"Those That Cannot Remember The Past Are Condemned To Repeat It..."


OK Ladies and Gentlemen...I open this morning's blog dissertation amid the Chaos which describes the conditions here at the Turbo Pup Compound on the banks of the Mighty Tennessee River with a couple of quotations from philosopher/essayist George Santayana, an often quoted (and misquoted) gentleman which has come to my attention recently.

This guy thought and wrote and said some pretty profound stuff in his day, in my considered Redneck Opinion.

Take these additional dittys as a for instance:

"It is not society's fault that most men seem to miss their vocation. Most men have no vocation."

"Happiness is the only sanction of life; where happiness fails, existence remains a mad and lamentable experiment."

"The world is a perpetual caricature of itself; at every moment it is the mockery and the contradiction of what it is pretending to be."

Or how about these two sayings?
"The living have never shown me how to live."

"Religion in its humility restores man to his only dignity, the courage to live by grace."

Pretty good stuff...in simple sentences, wouldn't you say?

Now with all of that in mind, and moving on proceeding past the distractions of philosophy and literature this morning...

I have to admit that I don't know whether to laugh or cry because my little world is basically upside down and everywhere I look there is something new to do or that begs to be done, and all of the new stuff falls on top of a giant list of things I was already planning to do in the month of May.

The interesting thing is the composure and peace the good Lord has blessed me with in moving forward and dealing with stuff which would historically elicit a hysterical reaction from me.

You see, my problem is that I know what needs to be done, and I generally know how to do it, and the Devil is in the Details of deciding what to try to do all by myself versus hiring someone--possibly a well intended idiot or outright thief--to do any given task.

But for some reason I'm cruising along this morning--possibly heading with the other Lemmings and Sheep to my demise falling over the cliff...

Or maybe I'm just starting to mellow out in my old age, sort of like a old rooster stops crowing and fighting or an old stud bull past his prime decides to stop stomping and snorting and just hang around the pasture eating the sweet clover while letting the other younger bulls fight it out over the territory.

OK...Enough rambling already, I have a date in my basement with some wet carpet and a new box fan I bought at Home Depot yesterday. 

If you don't hear from me in the next 24 hours...somebody organize a search party...

 

Lucky To Be Alive

Counting Our Blessings...


This morning and early afternoon finds me on an emotional roller coaster attempting to keep things moving professionally, while at the same time trying to assess the damage from last night's rain/hail storms and get a few things cleaned up after the furry subsided.

The basement floor is a mess but pretty much dried out except around the edges and in corners, but Pat's carpeted office floor is most likely going to be a total loss because the carpet and pad was a bit old and stinky to begin with and the water I'm pulling out of it with a shop vacuum is the color of swamp water.

Outside, I still have a few tomato plants standing but the hail and water onslaught probably killed half of them and even my new Azalea plants had the blooms beat off of them and stems broken completely off by the hailstones.

Just when I start to get all cranky and feel sorry for myself I catch another news story on TV about the things which went on over in Alabama and down in Georgia and in places nearby here in Eastern Tennessee yesterday afternoon and evening.

We were within a few miles of at least two separate funnel clouds last night, so I guess that I should be happy I still have a roof over my head...all-be-it a damaged set of roof shingles

I have three roofing companies scheduled to come look at my roof in the next few days, and in the mean time I guess I'll go climb up there myself and see what's going on.

No leaks as far as I can tell so far, but I can't believe that my shingles weren't torn up based on the other damage I see on the ground.

Regards Y'all...

"Batten Down The Hatches Captain..."

...And Full Speed Ahead...


I'm sitting here in the dark in my basement shop this evening working on the Old HP Laptop computer running on batteries...

by the light of a flashlight...

...fortunately with the internet Cable modem and router powered by my UPS in the upstairs office.

Right now I'm surrounded by a puddle of water about 1" deep in places around my feet.

You see, we have been POUNDED not once...but TWICE this evening with powerful thunderstorms which I'm sure at one time or other each contained a tornado, and while we missed the tornadic winds we did get excellent examples of pingpong ball to golf ball sized hail for five or ten minutes in each storm.

Then the second storm finally managed to inundate my gutters with torn leaves and other debris, and pile a two foot high dam of hailstones up against my basement door causing my floor drain to stop up and inundate half of my basement including my shop and storage area with about an inch of standing water in some places.

Now the problem is that there is more rain I can see coming on the internet radar, but it's still raining and lightening so much I'm afraid to go outside and try to stand on a ladder and to clear the gutters in the dark.

Maybe I'll get a new shingled roof out of this adventure, else go the path I'm taking with my bank and fire the insurance company and find someone that actually gives a damn in the process.

I knew I should have been working on the roof cleaning gutters rather than chasing a lawn tiller around the back yard last weekend.

Am I getting too old for this crap, or is it just me being lazy?

Firing My Bank?

Parting Is Such Sweet Sorrow...


Right now I've had it up to HERE...Ladies and Gentlemen (pointing to the top of my ever Greying, ever balding head)  with my Bank.

OK...actually my "Credit Union" to be more specific, but still...

What a bunch of ignorant, mealy mouthed, cross eyed buffoons they have over there working in the so-called "managment" positions at the University of Tennessee Federal Credit Union.

Seriously, I don't use the bully pullpit of this blog and the Internet randomly to take undeserving shots at people and things which I don't provide ample notice and time to correct any mistakes or problems I have with a person or group or organization, but THIS MORNING...

THIS MORNING I've pretty much had it with UTFCU and the inept people in charge over there at my local branch.

The silly bitch that sits in the chair with the lable of "branch manager" on the office door acts like she could care less if I ever did anything but have Pat's salary direct deposited along with the proceeds from my business coming in the door however I manage to get there, and then she will happily hand me a big old shovel full of "shut the f**k up" flavored cereal along with a puppy treat for the Turbo pup and consider our "banking relationship" complete.

What really pisses me off is a couple of things...the least of which is that I've wasted four years building a non-relationship when I really need a good working relationshp with a banker.

I drove into this town about four years ago with a five figure casheer's check wanting to set up a bank account to support buying the house we currently live in.

By default I picked UTFCU because they had a branch down the road between my new house and the building my new employeer's offices were in.

Pretty simple.

Since then we've never bounced a check with them except one time when some stupid rules about debit card holds at hotels caused them to want to charge us a bunch of "fees" and we had to come in and make them give us most of our money back.

Then when I started my corporation a couple of years ago it was a no brainer to just wander in and open a business account with UTFCU.

That event was the beginning of the end of my relationship with the aforementioned silly bitch running the branch, because in reality...no matter what the "branch manager" says, the UTFCU is not really in the business of business banking.

That day I handed her a check that day for a little over $5,000.

She proceeded to sit on and hold the funds from the aforementioned check for TWO WEEKS after promising me that she would release the funds as soon as the check cleared the issuing bank.

Then the aforementioned silly bitch--the "branch manager"-- proceeded to act like I was crazy and that she had never heard of the idea of releasing funds when a check clears rather than making everyone wait on the bank's "hold policy."

So now without boring you to death with other minutia and details let's just say that it's been one thing after another that I've put up with...little things like screwed up signature cards, and never ending oddesys to try to get into online banking, and not to brag here but after putting several hundred thousand dollars through their doors and into their coffers to have and to hold at my expense...

I'm DONE with my "relationship" with UTFCU this morning...

The problem I have now is not making the same mistake again.

How do I carefully consider and choose a bank, credit union, or other "financial institution" in order to not waste time and get the best service for my $$$?

I was hoping to apply for a credit line for the company this year to support our growth and cash flow needs.

I guess all of that is out the window, but UTFCU's financial health sucks as I've learned doing some research because they made a bunch of bad loans on houses and commercial real estate before the bubble burst so the odds of them opening a credit line for my little Sub S Corporation is nill...thus me making the executive decision this morning to move on to another "financial institution."

I swear I'd just like to go through an entire week without some kind of stupid bullshit rearing it's ugly head and confronting me with trouble and problems I have to address.

Or maybe if God would just have made me STUPID so I could just sit around grinning and not worry about the stuff I worry about most of the time...would that be the answer?

Probably NOT...and on that note...that will be all...FOR NOW...

Lawn Tiller Induced Coma--Part Deaux

I'm Officially A Yard Whimp?


There was a time about a hundred years ago about 20 years ago when I did 99% of my own yard work and generally had one of the best looking yards in our little neighborhood of new houses.

I had a Snapper "high vac" riding lawnmower and a Snapper self propelled walk behind, and a weed eater and a leaf blower and a de-thatcher and a drum aeriator and a gas powered chain saw and just about every hand yard tool known to man.

If something needed cut or chopped or trimmed or killed or planted or otherwise maintained, I was your man and had the knowledge and tools to do it.

Fast forward to the year 2011, and I'm not quite sure what happened (except the ex wife took everything but the little Snapper and the weed eater and the leaf blower in the divorce,) but somehow I've turned into the biggest Lawn Whimp in the annals of recorded history I think.

Today all I have in the way of lawn tools at my disposal is a crappy push mower I resurrected from a neighbor's curb side junk pile (I did rebuild the motor however), a couple of garage sale weed eaters, and a (gasp) ELECTRIC chain saw.

Where I come from no self respecting country Redneck would ever be caught DEAD using an ELECTRIC chainsaw. But I'm a City Redneck now so I can balm my conscience a little...that, and I keep it (the electric chainsaw) hidden in the basement most of the time so family and visitors won't see it and only bring it out to use in emergencies. (Things like a tree or tree branch sticking out of my own forehead and such...)

I was thinking of starting a support group for guys that were raised using a real manly GASOLINE powered chain saw and are forced through age and/or circumstance to use the electric powered toy models like I'm forced to operate these days.

So any wayyyy....as I reported on Saturday, being lacking in the home lawn tool department these days, I ran out and rented a Lawn Tiller from Home Depot for a 24 hour period to use getting my garden plots into order.

Twenty four hours would seem like plenty of time to most people, but for me it's in effect a bit of a rip off considering I can only manage to hang on to the thing for about 15 minutes of each hour.

Then if you deduct the time while I'm hanging onto the handles and the engine is actually running (I'm hanging on the rest of the time to keep from falling down), and you'll find that on average I managed to operate my rented lawn tiller for about 5 minutes each hour.

Doing the math, 5 minutes per hour x 24 hours yeilds a grand total of operating time equal to 120 minutes.

In other words...

TWO HOURS.

Of course I didn't actually come outside after dark and run my rented lawn tiller for five minutes each hour...I was real brave and stacked those minutes up for efficiency sake.

Then I started the motor and plowed around in the dirt until one of two things happened.

A. The tiller ran out of gas...only managed to live that long once.

B. Something broke. Since the tiller was a pretty new Honda model, generally whatever broke was inside of or attached to ME.

Going down the list of aches and pains this morning, besides feeling like my brain has sloshed around inside my cranium like I was a Rodeo Rider on a Bull named "Tornado," I guess that the number two area of damage would be my shoulders around my neck, followed in a close third place with my hands...my callous-less hands which are puffy and don't hurt but actually have no feeling in them right now as I try to type--presumably from the nerve damage.

So after going back to WalMart to buy a quarter ton of "Manure" in neat little 40 pound bags, and some more $1 sale tomato plants (I have a dozen now), I grabbed the tiller motor starter rope and got started about noon yesterday and by about 3:30 PM I was ready to surrender the infernal machine back to it's owners in the Rental Tool Department at Home Depot.

Then we stopped by the local hole in the wall Mexican Restaurant and after consuming an order of Pollo and Carne Fajitas and a couple of Jumbo Gold Margaritas on the Rocks with Salt, I came straight home and landed in my bed.

I woke up about Midnight in a stupor, and I swear I could feel EVERY SINGLE MUSCLE IN MY BACK, LEGS, AND ARMS. 

That is, if you can call what I have in my body these days Muscles. 

The way my body is declining I think that even the word "Flab" would be an overstatement. 

If I used the words "my flab is hurting" I think that I'd risk insulting  Richard Simmons and his swarm of "Sweating to the Oldies" followers.

Hold on...wait...oh no...I think that the top of my head even hurts right now, but I can't feel it because my hands are numb.

OK, I have to go now and see if I can find a position in bed which doesn't make me want to call 911...

Pray for my recovery...and regards Y'all...

Clean Copper Clappers

Kept In my Closet...

"An Older Head Can't Be Put On Younger Shoulders"--Batman

My Calculator Died...


I was just sitting here at my desk this morning fooling around with some stuff when I reached for my old cheap TI-30XA calculator.

I thought I was noticing that the display was a little dim yesterday, but now?

NOW?

It's apparently DEAD.

And there's not a little snap close removable panel on the back to access the battery?

I guess I'll get my tiny phillips head screwdriver out and see if I can access it's internals, and if not I'll go back to Walmart and and spend another $19.99 and get a new one this morning.

Like I always say..."if it's not one thing...it's another..."

Lawn Tiller Induced Coma

...A Machine Kicks My Ass...


Well Ladies and Gentlemen, I went to bed before dark yesterday and just got back up in the last hour.

You see, yesterday afternoon, in a fit of homeowner induced insanity,  I went out and rented a lawn tiller.

I've committed this same crime before, so I knew what I as getting myself into.

But I did it again anyway.

This time I rented for 24 hours, although as usual...

After about the first 15 minutes I was ready to take the darned thing back to Home Depot.

So any way, I managed to get one of the tomato plots tilled up pretty good, and the squash/zucchini bed area is in pretty good shape, and then I wandered over to the other tomato bed and found the ground there to be as hard as a concrete parking lot. 

Then I remembered that I didn't do as good a job last year tilling that area and apparently it didn't soften itself up by itself in the off season.

I reluctantly scratched around with the tiller bouncing around on top of the ground for a little while and only managed to get a couple inches into the dirt, and by then I made an executive decision that it was break time. 

Then I poured myself a fresh drink and sat down with my neighbor Danny to catch up on the local gossip (My neighbors who are ten years my senior do all of their own lawn work and, because I hire a "lawn guy" to do my lawn they like to watch me when on the rare occasion I actually attempt to do anything in my yard.)

Turns out we were sort of starring in the local tongue waging banter because of Pat's trip to the hospital last week. 

Meanwhile, back in the garden, after fooling around making very little progress I made another executive decision.

I took the rest of the afternoon off.

Some people might consider it sacrilegious to spend part of Easter Sunday working in my garden, but the way I look it things the Bible says the Lord helps those that help themselves.

And eating one of the quality tomatoes I grew last year could be considered by some if not many as a Religious experience...thus I balm my conscience with that realization.

So instead of "fishing for men", I'm "tilling for tomatoes" this Easter.